The Gruffalo is a much read book in our house.  So much so I could read it with my eyes closed.  So I penned this alternative version all about the creature we like to call The Toddler-o.

the gruffaloDesign by Crayon Creative, contact mandygreenslade@gmail.com

 

The Toddler-o


A Mummy took a stroll through the toy cluttered home.

A bed saw the Mummy and the Mummy groaned.

“Don’t rush away Mummy,” the comfy bed said,

“Come lie here and rest your weary head.”

“It’s terribly kind of you, bed, but no –

It’s nearly nap time for a toddler-o.”

 

“A toddler-o? What’s a toddler-o?”

” A toddler-o! Why, didn’t you know?

He has a terrible temper, and terrible scream,

He won’t share things and he’s really mean.”

“What is that sound?”

“He’s calling my name,

And jumping on beds is his favourite game.”

“Jumping on beds! I’m off!” Bed said.

“Goodbye weary Mummy,” and away bed sped.

“Silly old bed!  Doesn’t he know,

There’s no such thing as a toddler-o?”

 

On went the Mummy through the toy cluttered home.

A bath saw the Mummy and the Mummy groaned.

“Don’t rush away Mummy,” the hot bath said,

“Come have a long soak with bubbles instead.”

“It’s frightfully nice of you, bath, but no –

I need to clean a toddler-o.”

 

“A toddler-o? What’s a toddler-o?”

” A toddler-o! Why, didn’t you know?

He kicks and he throws, and he shouts “NO! NO! NO!”

He bosses you about like he’s running the show.”

“What is that sound?”

“He’starting to shout,

if I mention a bath he will cry and he’ll pout.”

“Cry and pout!” Bath said. “who knew?”

“Goodbye stressed Mummy,” and away bath flew.

“Silly old bath!  Doesn’t he know,

There’s no such thing as a toddler-o?”

 

On went the Mummy through the toy cluttered home.

A kettle saw the Mummy and the Mummy groaned.

“Don’t rush away Mummy,” the nice kettle said,

“Come sit here and have a cuppa instead.”

“It’s wonderfully good of you, kettle, but no –

I need to make supper for a toddler-o.”

 

“A toddler-o? What’s a toddler-o?”

” A toddler-o! Why, didn’t you know?

He goes red with rage, and his nose is quite snotty,

He doesn’t like to wear clothes and he has a stinky botty.”

“What is that sound?”

“He’s demanding milk,

and when he’s around drinks will get spilt.”

“Drinks will get spilt! I’t’s time I hid.”

“Goodbye thirsty Mummy,” and away kettle slid.

“Silly old kettle!  Doesn’t he know,

There’s no such thing as a toddler…”

…Oh!”

 

But who is this boy with a terrible scream,

He won’t share things and he’s really mean?

He kicks and he throws, and he shouts “NO! NO! NO!”

He bosses you about like he’s running the show.

He goes red with rage, and his nose is quite snotty,

He doesn’t like to wear clothes and he has a stinky botty.

“Oh help! Oh no!

It’s a toddler-o!

 

“I want my food!” the toddler-o said.

I’m going to stamp my feet until I’m fed!”

“Rude,” said the Mummy “Don’t be so rude!

If you are polite you’ll get some food.

Just walk behind me and soon you’ll see,

the one in charge is actually me.”

“All right,” said the toddler-o, bursting with laughter.

“Me go first and you follow after.”

 

They walked through the home till the toddler-o said,

“I hear a creak in the room ahead.”

“It’s bed,” said the Mummy.  “Why, bed, hello!”

Bed took one look at the toddler-o.

“Oh crumbs!” he said, “You need a nap!”

And into the bed the toddler-o collapsed.

“You see?” said the Mummy “I told you so.”

“Sleepy!” said the toddler-o.

 

After his nap the toddler-o said,

“I hear a splash in the room ahead.”

“It’s bath,” said the Mummy.  “Why, bath, hello!”

Bath took one look at the toddler-O.

“Oh dear!” he said, “You need a wash!”

And into the bath the toddler-o sploshed.

“You see?” said the Mummy “I told you so.”

“Clean me!” said the toddler-o.

 

After his wash the toddler-o said,

“I hear a click in the room ahead.”

“It’s kettle,” said the Mummy.  “Why, kettle, hello!”

Kettle took one look at the Toddler-O.

“Oh help!” he said, “Please no more mess,”

“Your poor Mummy, she needs a rest.”

“Well, toddler-o,” said the Mummy. “You see?

The one in charge is actually me!

But now I’m really gasping for a cuppa,

I’ll drink my tea whilst you – eat your supper!”

 

“Eat my supper!” the toddler-o said,

And quick as the wind he turned and fled.

All was strangely quiet in the toy cluttered home.

You can’t win them all, but you can give it a go!

 

 

You might also like these other parodies

I think we’re alone now (A parents night off)

Why does it always rain on me (the school run)

Summer time (Road trips from hell)

Wrecking Ball (Child birth)

 

The Toddler-o  was a finalist in the BISS Good To Know Monthly Guest Spot.  BISS commissioned me to write another parody on the theme of Mum Guilt.  You can read Room in the Pushchair here.

This post was featured on Mumsnet

 

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An alternative version of The Gruffalo that you just might relate too if you have survived a few toddler tantrums!

 

       

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Claire Kirby

97 Comments on The Toddler-o (A Mummy’s Alternative to The Gruffalo)

  22. Very funny and really made me giggle (which is saying a lot as I’m laid in bed with mum flu bleughh). Very clever and a Toddler-o sounds much scarier than a Gruffalo in my opinion.

    Thank you for hosting and for the giggle.
    Dawn x

    Reply
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  32. This is absolutely brilliant and I think it should be published for us parents to have a good giggle reading it to the kids. lol Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

    Reply

    • Thanks for linking this one up again one of my faves!!! Apologies for the late commenting the hand over of Share With Me to Mummy Fever and the busy half term has me a little behind but never forgetting your amazing support and thanking you for linking up. I hope you will link up again tomorrow for another great round of Share With Me over with Charlotte and keep Share With Me blog hop going long after my hosting. #sharewithme

      Reply

  47. Love this as you already know! Especially the ending…

    “Eat my supper!” the toddler-o said,

    And quick as the wind he turned and fled.

    All was strangely quiet in the toy cluttered home.

    – ever thought of writing a children’s story of your very own?
    #TwinklyTuesday

    Reply

  53. Bloody brilliant! I just read it out to my son’s and the two eldest both looked at the youngest and said “you’re the toddler-o” 🙂

    Reply

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