The Gruffalo is a much read book in our house. So much so I could read it with my eyes closed. So I penned this alternative version all about the creature we like to call The Toddler-o.
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The Toddler-o
A Mummy took a stroll through the toy cluttered home.
A bed saw the Mummy and the Mummy groaned.
“Don’t rush away Mummy,” the comfy bed said,
“Come lie here and rest your weary head.”
“It’s terribly kind of you, bed, but no –
It’s nearly nap time for a toddler-o.”
“A toddler-o? What’s a toddler-o?”
” A toddler-o! Why, didn’t you know?
He has a terrible temper, and terrible scream,
He won’t share things and he’s really mean.”
“What is that sound?”
“He’s calling my name,
And jumping on beds is his favourite game.”
“Jumping on beds! I’m off!” Bed said.
“Goodbye weary Mummy,” and away bed sped.
“Silly old bed! Doesn’t he know,
There’s no such thing as a toddler-o?”
On went the Mummy through the toy cluttered home.
A bath saw the Mummy and the Mummy groaned.
“Don’t rush away Mummy,” the hot bath said,
“Come have a long soak with bubbles instead.”
“It’s frightfully nice of you, bath, but no –
I need to clean a toddler-o.”
“A toddler-o? What’s a toddler-o?”
” A toddler-o! Why, didn’t you know?
He kicks and he throws, and he shouts “NO! NO! NO!”
He bosses you about like he’s running the show.”
“What is that sound?”
“He’starting to shout,
if I mention a bath he will cry and he’ll pout.”
“Cry and pout!” Bath said. “who knew?”
“Goodbye stressed Mummy,” and away bath flew.
“Silly old bath! Doesn’t he know,
There’s no such thing as a toddler-o?”
On went the Mummy through the toy cluttered home.
A kettle saw the Mummy and the Mummy groaned.
“Don’t rush away Mummy,” the nice kettle said,
“Come sit here and have a cuppa instead.”
“It’s wonderfully good of you, kettle, but no –
I need to make supper for a toddler-o.”
“A toddler-o? What’s a toddler-o?”
” A toddler-o! Why, didn’t you know?
He goes red with rage, and his nose is quite snotty,
He doesn’t like to wear clothes and he has a stinky botty.”
“What is that sound?”
“He’s demanding milk,
and when he’s around drinks will get spilt.”
“Drinks will get spilt! I’t’s time I hid.”
“Goodbye thirsty Mummy,” and away kettle slid.
“Silly old kettle! Doesn’t he know,
There’s no such thing as a toddler…”
…Oh!”
But who is this boy with a terrible scream,
He won’t share things and he’s really mean?
He kicks and he throws, and he shouts “NO! NO! NO!”
He bosses you about like he’s running the show.
He goes red with rage, and his nose is quite snotty,
He doesn’t like to wear clothes and he has a stinky botty.
“Oh help! Oh no!
It’s a toddler-o!
“I want my food!” the toddler-o said.
I’m going to stamp my feet until I’m fed!”
“Rude,” said the Mummy “Don’t be so rude!
If you are polite you’ll get some food.
Just walk behind me and soon you’ll see,
the one in charge is actually me.”
“All right,” said the toddler-o, bursting with laughter.
“Me go first and you follow after.”
They walked through the home till the toddler-o said,
“I hear a creak in the room ahead.”
“It’s bed,” said the Mummy. “Why, bed, hello!”
Bed took one look at the toddler-o.
“Oh crumbs!” he said, “You need a nap!”
And into the bed the toddler-o collapsed.
“You see?” said the Mummy “I told you so.”
“Sleepy!” said the toddler-o.
After his nap the toddler-o said,
“I hear a splash in the room ahead.”
“It’s bath,” said the Mummy. “Why, bath, hello!”
Bath took one look at the toddler-O.
“Oh dear!” he said, “You need a wash!”
And into the bath the toddler-o sploshed.
“You see?” said the Mummy “I told you so.”
“Clean me!” said the toddler-o.
After his wash the toddler-o said,
“I hear a click in the room ahead.”
“It’s kettle,” said the Mummy. “Why, kettle, hello!”
Kettle took one look at the Toddler-O.
“Oh help!” he said, “Please no more mess,”
“Your poor Mummy, she needs a rest.”
“Well, toddler-o,” said the Mummy. “You see?
The one in charge is actually me!
But now I’m really gasping for a cuppa,
I’ll drink my tea whilst you – eat your supper!”
“Eat my supper!” the toddler-o said,
And quick as the wind he turned and fled.
All was strangely quiet in the toy cluttered home.
You can’t win them all, but you can give it a go!
You might also like these other parodies
I think we’re alone now (A parents night off)
Why does it always rain on me (the school run)
Summer time (Road trips from hell)
Wrecking Ball (Child birth)
The Toddler-o was a finalist in the BISS Good To Know Monthly Guest Spot. BISS commissioned me to write another parody on the theme of Mum Guilt. You can read Room in the Pushchair here.
This post was featured on Mumsnet
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Pure genius!!! Love it!
😀 Still love this! There’s definitely such thing as the toddler-o! #FridayFrolics
Utter genius! Especially as this is currently my toddler’s favourite book pre-bedtime. #FridayFrolics
Totally printing this and reading this one instead! Genius 🙂 #FridayFrolics
I am sitting here giggling away Claire – you’ve made my Friday! #FridayFrolics
Have read it before but couldn’t stop re-reading it. Giggling away while the hubby stares at me cluelessly. Genius this, Claire!
#FridayFrolics
This is a classic! Makes me want to revisit Dr Seuss for another parody myself! #fridayfrolics
Hahaha! Love it, Claire. And how accurate!
#fridayfrolics
Haha. That’s great. I have a blog title called ‘the gruff little child’ in my notes but I don’t think it will ever make it to large blog.
You should have this story printed! 🙂
Hahaha we have just laughed and laughed at this post. Fantastic in every way!
Ah sure this is just genius! Brilliant!
Brilliant – and quite sweet that the mummy thinks she’s in charge 😉
Debbie
I might have to read this version tomorrow night…see if they notice lol.
Thanks for linking to #sharewithme – hope to see you next week
lol hilarious. I can relate x
Amazing. Actually pretty relieved to read that and be reassured that my toddler and his crazy antics are normal!
I haven’t read this in ages. Still absolutely hilarious! Clever Mummy. xxx
Haha – that’s brilliant! Love it! #fridayfrolics
Haha, this is brilliant!! 🙂 #fridayfrolics
fantastic
Lol! This is amazing! #fridayfrolics I want to read this nightly instead of the other one-o! Fabulous! xx
Ha! Your small person may have something to say about that!
Very funny and really made me giggle (which is saying a lot as I’m laid in bed with mum flu bleughh). Very clever and a Toddler-o sounds much scarier than a Gruffalo in my opinion.
Thank you for hosting and for the giggle.
Dawn x
…. #Friday frolics x
Get well soon lovely x
oops #FridayFrolics x
Absolutely loved this! So funny and genius sharing this now lovely x
Thanks Talya x
This is brilliant! Very funny and clever #fridayfrolics
Brilliant! This really gave me a laugh!
Brilliant! Very cleverly written, had me smiling all the way though! All so true too x
Thanks 🙂
Very clever! I really enjoyed reading this, well done. Thank you for linking to Prose for Thought 🙂 x
This is absolutely brilliant and I think it should be published for us parents to have a good giggle reading it to the kids. lol Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme
Thanks Jenny 🙂
Thanks for linking this one up again one of my faves!!! Apologies for the late commenting the hand over of Share With Me to Mummy Fever and the busy half term has me a little behind but never forgetting your amazing support and thanking you for linking up. I hope you will link up again tomorrow for another great round of Share With Me over with Charlotte and keep Share With Me blog hop going long after my hosting. #sharewithme
That has won my vote! Just read it to my daughter. Great blog thank you for sharing.
Emma
Very clever, I really enjoyed that! #prose4t
I know I’m not a mummy but I know this is brilliant! Visiting from #prose4t 🙂
Oh wow – amazing you have excelled yourself ! I hope you have this framed somewhere #FridayFrolics
If you can draw or know somebody that does illustrations, I think you’ve got a pretty good children’s book right there! #fridayfrolics
Love this even more this time!! Thanks for hosting #FridayFrolics
This is AMAZING! I love it so much – genius! Well done you #FridayFrolics
Thanks Lisa 🙂
Amazing! You clever lady, bravo 🙂 #prose4t
Thanks 🙂
hehehe! I love it! You are so clever x
Glad you liked it 🙂
Brilliant! #TwinklyTuesday
Thank-you
I loved this!
Thanks 🙂
FANTASTIC. I’m going to share this as I love it!!! 🙂 #sharewithme xx
Thank-you 🙂
Oh wow this is amazing, so clever!! xx
Thanks 🙂
Aaah this is lovely — one of the twins favourite books — only our version is a little different! 😉 You should think about writing your own childrens” story book! Julia Donaldson has made an absolute fortune!! You could be next! 😉 Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday
Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk
Thanks for hosting. Maybe I should write a compendium of alternatives for parents!
Love this as you already know! Especially the ending…
“Eat my supper!” the toddler-o said,
And quick as the wind he turned and fled.
All was strangely quiet in the toy cluttered home.
– ever thought of writing a children’s story of your very own?
#TwinklyTuesday
Thanks. I’m no where near good enough to write my own, but thanks. 🙂
Just brilliant! I’ve been reading the ruddy gruffalo all week so this is a welcome change. Really well written, good work!
Thank-you 🙂
I love this, so funny and so clever. This happens in my house almost every day! xx
Glad I’m not the only one!
Awesome! Love this! What a brilliant take on the gruffalo and scarily accurate in terms of toddler behaviour too. X
Thanks so much 🙂
That’s brilliant – what a fab take on the Gruffalo and definitely one all mummies of toddlers can relate to! 🙂
It seems to have struck a cord!
This is brilliant!! Well done, great blog you have, def worth nominating xx
Ahhh Thankyou. I really appreciate that.
Bloody brilliant! I just read it out to my son’s and the two eldest both looked at the youngest and said “you’re the toddler-o” 🙂
ha ha. Love it!
This is fantastic! Very funny and very true!
Thanks so much 🙂
This is brilliant! So clever and well written – love it!!
Thanks so much 🙂
SO clever and funny! Loved it 🙂 Really made me smile. xx
Always happy to make people smile 🙂
Ah lovely! How clever are you! You should make your own little book!! xxx
Ha, not sure how the sequel would work. The Toddler-o’s child???!!!
I think I have the sequel let me see if I can translate from my head to paper!
Well done, its really funny and oh so true
Thanks so much 🙂
Love love love this!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks so much 🙂
This is genius . In fact this might be our bedtime story for tonight
Wow. Let me know if it meets the grade!
Oh my God! That’s the best thing ever!!!
ahhh, thanks 🙂
Love it Claire! Fabulous 🙂
Thanks hun 🙂
Very clever!
Thanks so much 🙂