I knew it was coming.  I just ignored it and hoped it wouldn’t actually happen.  I was in denial about the whole thing.  

When it first happened I kept telling myself it was a phase.  Things would go back to normal soon.  But they didn’t.  Three weeks later I am beginning to accept that this is our new normal.  Although I still feel quite upset about the whole thing, I know I have to accept it.

The little one has dropped his nap.  I now have 12 hours straight of hurricane toddler without a break.  Every day!

In the last three weeks my house has gradually become more and more messy, and I am really behind on work.  So I made the best use of my little spare time by writing a parody of Areosmith’s I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing.

So here it is, in honour of the precious days that held naps…

 

Toilet roll with text I just want to pee in peace

 

I Just Want To Pee In Peace

Why d’you stay awake when you should be napping?
I had plans whilst you were sleeping,
But I guess that Mummy’s dreaming.

I could do so much in that ninety minutes,
all the things that don’t require “a helper.”
Well every moment that you napped,
Was a moment I treasured.

You don’t wanna close your eyes,
You don’t wanna fall asleep,
Now I can’t do shit baby,
And I just want to pee in peace.

Cause even though you rub your eyes,
You still refuse to go to sleep,
Now I can’t do shit baby,
And I just want to pee in peace.

When I hoover up,
You empty all the cupboards.
If I try to use my laptop,
You turn into some kind of lap dog.

I love you kid, and love our time together,
but I just wanna drink some tea,
and maybe watch neighbours, instead of Cbeebies.

You don’t wanna close your eyes,
You don’t wanna fall asleep,
Now I can’t do shit baby,
And I just want to pee in peace.

Cause even though you rub your eyes,
You still refuse to go to sleep,
Now I can’t do shit baby,
And I just want to pee in peace.

 

You can watch the original here, see how I crow-bared in some of those lyrics, and ogle at Ben Affleck or Liv Tyler.  Oh and just to make you feel really old, this song was in the charts 18 years ago!

 

 

 

You might also like some other parodies…

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20 Comments on I Just Want to Pee in Peace

  1. Awesome poem! Good work! Our little one dropped his nap for a few days and we literally shit ourselves. We got him back in the routine though and life is again wonderful! #FridayFrolics

  2. Ha! This is brilliant!!!! I feel your pain. My eldest stopped napping at 12 months….TWELVE MONTHS! So my memory os lone peeing is pretty distant…but my youngest two nap well and the day they stop, I will cry….a lot. #FridayFrolics

  3. Haha, love this. I have so much sympathy for you. Our naps are on the way out too. I try to encourage one every afternoon, but it’s hit and miss (and mostly miss). I live in fear of the day when they’re gone forever. #fridayfrolics

  4. I totally remember my youngest dropping her nap and yes it’s a shocker when it happens. I used to take her for a walk in her buggy and hope she’d drop off for a bit then rush home to do some laptop stuff. Soon that didn’t work either! You’re so right about Cbeebies, those natty jingles they play between their programs used to drive me mad! Only good for gigglebiz!!! #FridayFrolics

  5. hah! Lovely. I’m totally dreading this as number 2 is actually a child that sleeps and sleeps at home. I never knew the joy it could bring until he came along. Friday is my day off and number 1 is at school so I have 2.5 ish hrs completely to myself! (Sorry, not helping) but it is wonderful. I am sorry for your loss….
    #fridayfrolics

  6. Hahahah….This is so funny! But I know I truly empathise about the nap dropper. When they drop their naps, they also become super grumpy in the afternoon as well, oh joy of joys! #fridayfrolics

  7. I love this! It’s brilliant, I had the tune in my head all the while. The line about CBeebies made me laugh – though I would probably go for Judge Rinder instead 😉 My daughter is threatening to drop the nap but I’m determined to hold onto it for a bit longer. She’s very defiant though and has got it down to less than an hour on many days #FridayFrolics

  8. Hi I’m GETTING AMONGST IT with the #fridayfrolics linky for the first time. (Hope I made the badge work ok etc). I’m long past the days of napping children unfortunately, but remember the sheer horror when it happened so feel your pain. Without wishing to alarm you – wait til they start to be able to read what you’re looking at on your phone too. Appalling.

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