I know we shouldn’t complain about it being warm. But thing is, I’m a Winter person. I prefer cosy blankets and hot chocolate and feeling clean after a shower, rather than instantly needing another one because I’m sweating again. I don’t really know what to do in a heatwave other than be really grumpy and complain a lot.
Maybe if there was a gradual build in temperature it would be easier to adjust. but in this country we seem to go from wearing coats one day, to wondering if this much boob sweat is normal the next.
As with anything to do with parenting, there are rules that must be followed when it’s hot. A list of things that all parents must do in a heatwave. Disobeying the rules could result in a repeat of the summer of 2007 when Rihanna sang about umbrellas and cursed us all.
1 You must become obsessed with sun cream:
It is essential for any parent in a heatwave to do the following:
- Be familiar with all kinds of sun cream, rub in, roll on, and sprays. Water resistant, long lasting, colour fading, sand repellent. Buying sun cream is not simple.
- Warm up before you apply. This is essential if you want to avoid any torn muscles when you begin the sprint around the garden as you chase your toddler in a bid to keep them still long enough to slather them.
- Keep calm through all whinging about it being ‘sticky’ and ‘smelling funny’.
- Use a whole bottle in a day due to sun burn and awful mother paranoia.
- Know where the three for two offers on sun cream are due to the above mentioned usage.
2 You must keep the freezer fully stocked with ice pops, ice cream and ice lollies at all times:
Ice pops will become one of their five a day, and you will quickly realise limiting their daily ice lolly intake is futile. Just go with it. While you’re at it freeze some home made vodka pops for yourself. Why should you miss out on all the fun?
3 You must provide all meals in the form of a picnic:
Eating alfresco morning noon and night is an essential requirement. It’s too hot to cook anyway, and this way you don’t have to clean the floor after. One blanket and jobs done. Spilt drinks don’t matter. Who needs cutlery anyway? Come to think of it this one is ingenious. Why don’t we do it in winter?
4 You must be free with inhibitions:
One of the things you must do in a heatwave is ensure your little ones race around the house and garden pretty much naked. Think less ‘Less suns out, guns out’ and more ‘sun’s out, bums out!’ Chances are you will have little say in your child’s level of nakedness as they will remove whatever you dress them in anyway. And less face it we are all a little bit jealous of their wanton abandonment. Just watch out for the puddles when your toddler figures out how to remove their nappy.
5 You must provide water in many vessels:
Drinks bottles, paddling pools, buckets, water cannons, hose pipes, sprinklers. You are the water provider for all of their entertainment. Did you think you would be able to sit down and enjoy the sun? Oh no, you’ll be up and down refilling things so often you might as well be doing hot yoga.
6 Your children must look like they are feral:
Naked bodies that have been covered in sun cream, water and rolled around in the mud. Quite frankly your children look like they are about to audition for a role in Oliver they are so filthy. As long as they are happy right? “Don’t you dare sit on my sofa.”
7 You must have the bedtime debate with your partner every evening:
- Is it too hot for PJ’s?
- Will it be too noisy with the window open?
- What if they get too hot?
- Is it safe to put a fan in their room?
- Why don’t black out blinds work?
- Is going to bed with 27 teddies a good idea in this heat?
And good luck getting them to sleep!
Enjoy the heatwave folks! Do you have anything to add to the list of things you must do in a heatwave?
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