No one warned me how noisy kids are. It’s like a daily assault on the ear drums that can leave me with a pounding headache. Of course the house feels weird and not right without all the noise now, so I guess I’m getting used to it!
This is part two of the A-Z of parenting noises heard on an almost daily basis. You can check out part on here.
N is for No
If I’m not telling them No, I have a four year old who uses the word pretty prolifically.
“Time to go to bed”
“Get your shoes on”
“Eat you dinner”
O is for Objects
Most objects in your home after having kids will make a noise. It’s also why you seem to buy batteries every other day. What parent doesn’t know the Alfie Bear song?
“I’m a friendly light up bear, I’ll teach you 123. A sleepy hungry, happy bear, hey come and hug me”
P is for Poo
Single handedly the most used word in our house since October 16th 2009, not coincidentally the day we brought Big home from the hospital. The husband and I are able to have a conversation that isn’t about poo these days, but I have two boys who think it’s the best word in the world, and I must scream mind the dog poo at least three times on every school run.
Q is for Quiet
This rarely happens and when it does be very suspicious. You are about to find a kid covered in sudo-creme or a new piece of artwork on your wall.
R is for Riots
I only went for a wee God damn it. I left them playing beautifully together but in the time it took me to unbutton my jeans World War 3 has broken out.
S is for Stories
Stories that you will read night after night after night. I can still recite ‘Alfie Gets In First’ off by heart after having read it 364 times to Big four years ago. I insisted we read ‘The Night Before Christmas’ on the 365th day! Now I can also add ‘I Will Not Ever Never Eat A Tomato’ to the list courtesy of Little.
T is for Thud
Was that a toy, or their head?
U is for Unrelenting
I know Mummy said No, but I don’t think she meant it so I am going to ask her another 27 times.
V is for Victory
If your kid wins a game they will be very vocal about it and there will be elaborate and noisy celebrations. Actually if your kid loses a game they will be very vocal about it, and this may be accompanied by some more banging as they slam their door.
W is for Whinging
I swear they go to some class in school that teaches them this skill. And from what I’ve seen it’s a class they all pay really good attention in.
“Don’t jump in the puddle you are not wearing your boots and your trousers will get wet”. Have you not picked that up from the 2 million episodes of Peppa that you have watched?
Cue child jumping in puddle and then whinging for the next hour that they have wet trousers.
X is for XENOGLOSSY
The ability to speak a language you have never heard. Of course you’ve never heard it because the ‘language’ they are speaking is completely made up and even they don’t know what they are saying. Although I have it on good authority that most parents can develop this skill during the teenage years when a whole new language comes into play. #totes (Apparently that’s not a kind of bag)
Y is for Yawn
Those prolonged noisy yawns that take over their entire little faces despite the fact they are one hundred percent certain that they are not tired. Not even a little bit. They say whilst rubbing their eyes.
Z is for ZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Yes even when you are sleeping you cannot escape the noise. Many a time I have been woken by the sound of a very loud and tuneful fart coming through the monitor. I’ve also been woken by the sound of bad dreams, falling out of bed, the toy they took to bed with them falling out of bed, talking in their sleep, and my personal favourite giggling in their sleep. Yes, sleep is pretty noisy too.
You might also like The A-Z of Parenting Problems.
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