I don’t know who you are, I shall call you the New Mum, you posted this on social media:

life love and dirty dishes

 

Firstly, can I say congratulations, New Mum.  You did it.  You grew a tiny human being.  I don’t know if pregnancy was kind to you, or whether you spent 9 months with your head down the toilet, but you did it.  I hope your labour wasn’t one of those 37 hour long ones and that there weren’t too many stitches involved.  But welcome to the world of parenting.  Do you find yourself just staring at the baby in awe?  I did.  Both times.

I’m really pleased things are going so well for you, and long may it continue.  But let me just say having a messy house, skipping the odd shower and not being able to watch your child for every second of the day doesn’t make you a lazy parent.  It makes you a pretty normal one.

We all start off with so many intentions as a new parent.  But it’s an in-at-the-deep-end, learn-as-you-go, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of job, and no baby book can prepare you for it.  You learn pretty quickly that you didn’t have a clue about parenting when you had all those ‘intentions.’

A two week old baby is not quite in the same league as a two year old toddler in terms of the havoc they can create.  Tiny babies sit quite amicably in the cute little bouncy chair whilst you mop the kitchen floor.  Two-year-olds tend to empty the kitchen cupboards or eat the dogs biscuits if you attempt any kind of household chore.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t live in a pigsty. But my house is not as clean as it once was before the small people invaded it.

Sometimes when I need to get something done I let the kids watch TV.  Does that make me lazy?  Believe me I tried the alternatives.  I’ve set up train tracks and created an arts and crafts extravaganza to keep them ‘occupied’ so I could do some cleaning, or put some make-up on. But after 30 seconds the train derailed, and one red line on a piece of paper constituted as a finished masterpiece.

There are some days that I don’t get to shower until my husband gets home from work.  Mornings are often a military operation to get the little one up and dressed and fed, along with the big one, before we set off for the school run.  A tantrum from the little one, and an in-depth chat about batman (with many many questions) from the big one, and time very quickly runs out.  I’m left with the choice of showering or giving the kids breakfast.  I choose the kids.  Every single time.  I put them first.  I sacrifice my needs for theirs.  Does that make me lazy?

It might not be peanut butter on the curtains, maybe it will be a self applied nappy cream disaster, maybe a poo on the carpet, or maybe Lego up the nostril, but something will happen when “you are not watching them close enough”.  It happens to us all. Frequently.  And mainly because no one has issued us with those eyes in the back of our heads that everyone tells us we need.  When the big one was 3, he drew a number seven on my mum’s wall.  I was as equally mortified as I was impressed by his writing skills.  Plus how else are we going to embarrass our kids on their 18th birthday without stories such as the time they gave themselves a haircut.

Maybe don’t judge us all and slam us for being lazy when you are still effectively in the probation period.  I’ve been doing this parenting job for 6 years now and I am by no means an expert.  I learn everyday.  I make mistakes.  I don’t always get the balance right.  What never helps anyone is judgement.  And there are enough mummy wars created in the media without us doing it to each other.

I’m going to blow my own trumpet a bit here, but I wrote a piece about not judging each other called We Are Not Rivals.  And it struck a cord.  I know this because it was number 12 on Huffposts most read posts of 2015.  I know this because of the many lovely comments I got back.  We are all trying to do our best, and we don’t need people telling us we are doing it wrong or that we are not good enough.

Some-days I am exhausted because I’ve been up all night with the little one and his accompanying fever, who then wants to be in my arms constantly the following day.  On those days the big one may have had chocolate for his lunch*.  Some-days I may just have bad PMT and would prefer to sit on the sofa and wallow in self pity and chocolate than I would engage with the outside world.  I’m not lazy.  I’m just not supermum.

*he had a banana too

I think you have mistaken laziness for honesty.  I love my two boys to bits and they are the best thing I have ever done, but some days it is hard.  Really hard.  And I would rather go online and see all the other honest parents and know that I am not alone in failing to be ‘perfect,’ than I would see someone brand my imperfections as lazy and tell me they are doing it better than me.  My children are not an ‘excuse’ for the days when things aren’t plain sailing and don’t exactly go to plan, but 9 times out of 10, they are the reason.

Although I may jest about my ‘lazy’ or less than perfect parenting moments, don’t think for a second that I (or any other parent out there) don’t beat myself up about it.  Please don’t think that ‘lazy’ days don’t come with enormous amounts of guilt and quite probably a few tears.  But know that everyday I do my best.  Some days my best my fall a little short.

But what really angers me about your post is the damage it does to all those new mums that maybe aren’t coping as well.  

Maybe they had a traumatic birth and two weeks later they are still in their pajamas.  

Maybe their baby has decided sleep is not for them, and they have been up all night for the last three nights.  

Maybe they have a baby who hasn’t taken to kindly to being outside of the womb, and wants to be held all the time, so they have’t had time for a hot dinner let alone clean the house?  

Maybe their hormones are in overdrive and they are finding it hard to adjust to the new world of motherhood.  

Maybe they are just enjoying the early days and have decided that the chores can wait.

Just because they haven’t got parenting nailed in the first two weeks does not make them lazy or inadequate in any way.  It makes them pretty ‘normal’.

I would just like to offer you some advice, New Mum.  Mummy friends are awesome.  They keep you sane. They share in your little one’s triumphs and they share your worries.  They will be your rock. Please don’t brand us all as lazy or you will miss out on some of the most amazing friendships.  And cake.

That’s my rant over.  May all your meal times be at the table, and your little one always be clean. Good luck with that.

Claire

 

Update:

I am overwhelmed by the response I have received to this post.  I have had so many messages from new mums two weeks in or more, that haven’t quite ‘nailed it’ yet, and haven’t found life with a newborn such a breeze as the ‘two week mum’.  Then of course there are all the mums of toddlers with a talent for running rings around their parents.  I am so humbled that my post helped make you feel like a ‘normal’ parent, and not a crappy ‘lazy’ one.  You are all Supermums. xxx

  
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113 comments on “To The New Mum Who Has It Nailed After Two Weeks And Thinks The Rest Of Us Are Lazy”

  1. I agree that the concern for other moms is regrettably lacking, but I think she’s probably always a little judgy just by her whole tone. I also think she missed the ‘what to expect after birth’ article I read. You see, before baby came, I read somewhere that right after birth, there’s a boost of energy, and I have to agree. My baby came early, so I wasn’t completely prepared at home or work. We spent a week in the hospital after a C-section with little to no sleep. First night home, major meltdown. Baby was nursing well, but had lost weight, so it was a worry. That night, he was fighting nursing and sleep, and I was so swollen it was painful. Pump hadn’t been shipped by the insurance company yet, so my husband ran out at 11 at night to buy one. We finally got just a few hours sleep between 3am and 7am, and it was heaven! I read that I should nap when the baby does, but had so much to do that it was difficult. I used that boost while I could! It took about 2 weeks home, so 3 weeks after birth. All the exhaustion and energy-draining feeding caught up to me. My guess is it finally caught up to her as well. I had a good baby, but I still had to get up every 2 hours, and there’s only so many nights you can do that before it catches up. I’d also like to point out that there’s a lot of help available right after birth. My MIL came every day, which was great, because baby slept better during the day with cuddling, and I was paranoid about SIDS. But of course, that can’t continue indefinitely as she has a life and it was an hour and a half drive one way. Quite frankly, even with the difficulties mentioned above, the first few weeks were easy, and even then, housework was the least of my concerns. Keeping my business running and spending time with my husband and son was my priority. It’s not lazy to want to just sit and cuddle baby. He was growing so fast and changing every day, I worried I might miss something. I love to watch him grow, but I miss that 5 pound little bird too. I knew it would go fast, so I have no regrets – the housework isn’t going anywhere.

  2. Wish I’d read this when it was originally published, as I would have only been a month or so in to my parenting journey and I would have given myself more of a break. I suffered badly with anxiety and OCD post-birth, and I felt guilty as I was in my dressing gown a lot (never mind keeping a tidy house)! In fact, I only feel I got in to a groove after about a year and a half – though thankfully have been out my dressing gown a lot longer! And I’m still learning everyday, because everyday is different. You said it so well – let’s all support each other, as there are enough people out there trying to take us down!

  3. So I’m a bit late to the party, but I just saw this post.

    Something to think about…”New Mum’s” exhortation is scorned and dismissed because she admitted she’s “only two weeks in”. Setting that aside, was she really wrong to suggest parents should evaluate themselves and step up their game?
    It’s a sad fact that, every day, children are removed from parents who neglect them – exactly because they are lazy and selfish. Granted, that’s on the end of the parental spectrum. But my point is, there IS a spectrum. Not every house is slovenly or mother unshowered because she was too busy playing with her children. That should not be socially illegal to say.
    And who are these fragile mothers who are “damaged” by reading a new mum is able to cook and clean two weeks post- partum? Wouldn’t any of them like to ask her secrets?! As someone with a high view of women, I think we should be inspired by examples of excellence, not intimidated and rejecting. Lord have mercy if we squeal like a stuck pig should our eyes happen to fall upon a challenge to be better than our current selves!
    Since it seems to matter here, I’m 34 years into motherhood and 9 years into grandmotherhood.

    • Hi Alexandra, whilst I agree that we all have different standards, and i personally am someone who is always working to reach a higher standard, I have to disagree about the new mums part. Motherhood can be overwhelming, not to mention those hormones creating all kinds of havoc in the first few weeks. I had so many messages from new mums saying that the facebook post had made them feel really low because they weren’t achieving those standards for various reasons, from recovering from a traumatic birth, to having a baby that cries all day long. They messaged me to say that my post had helped to make them feel better. To let them know that if your haven’t got everything together in the first two weeks then that is perfectly ok. And I do stand by that. I have a high view of women too, but I found her post to be far from inspiring.

  4. Just loved this. I have someone I know who could have written the post you posted and here I am with a toddler running about but she always has advice for me. She is after all the expert of sorts. She has a surprise coming during those toddler years LOL πŸ˜‰

  5. Brilliant post, I missed it first time around so glad to have found it. So true and beautifully put. I was quite smug at first (not that I would ever judge-I know I was lucky), but my easy baby is a very challenging (normal) two year old and it’s a whole other ball game now!

  6. Tell her, girlllllllll! This “moms” vag hasn’t even stopped bleeding yet. How cute of her to share her wisdom with the seasoned vets. On that note, I’m taking my lazy ass to bed….without washing the dishes first. Boom.
    #FridayFrolics
    WebMDiva recently posted…Tupac Is My Spirit AnimalMy Profile

  7. Oh gosh I do agree that this kind of thing can be really damaging to those who are struggling. We will all have a bad day, week, month at some point and as far as I am concerned if your don’t you aren’t doing it right hahaha .

    Thanks for linking to #sharewithme – hope to see you next week
    Mummy Fever recently posted…Family holidays in SpainMy Profile

  8. AMAZING response, and you have completely nailed it!! I hear comments like this one far too often, always by first time mums who sit there smugly recounting how easy it is to look after their baby and how they would never let their appearance/home/standards slip. I don’t know how I manage to bite my tongue but silently I hope that I see them again when said baby is two, when they are climbing the walls and their house is a mess and they haven’t showered in a week for fear of the toddler destroying the house in the two minute it takes to shower. Some people have no clue how hard real life is, a newborn baby and a toddler are worlds apart, as are one baby and two, or two and three. I hate when people assume every family is the same, every mother is the same, or those who compare and always come out on top. I hate the way that other women judge, particularly other women, when actually we should be championing eachother, encouraging eachother, applauding eachother simply for surviving each day. Great post, really loved it. #sharewithme

  9. *Slow clap as I begin to stand up* Thank you! I have 3 of the most amazing (yet insane) kids. Anyone who claims they have it all under control has an adventure in front of them. Parenting is hard, but I am grateful for each day I get to spend with my kiddos. Hang the dishes, I’ll do them tomorrow. I have a pillow fort to build and a princess to save from the dragons!!

  10. Wow. Really, really love this post. (Also very impressed by your son’s Number 7 thing!) That Facebook post makes me feel a bit crap on every level because not only do I currently have a two year old that creates a tornado of mess in the space of five minutes, but I also had a fairly straightforward birth and was in so much pain/was so emotionally overwhelmed by it all that when I got home I couldn’t understand how I would ever have enough time to shower, and look after the baby, and cook a nice meal, AND keep the house fairly clean! Not all of us are superwomen, and as you say, not all babies are happy to just lay there while you get on with things. Mine wanted cuddles. A LOT. Thanks so much for this post x
    Meg recently posted…Thankful for the details.My Profile

  11. Yet another person to add to my growing list of new favourite people! Joining the blogging world has been a real eye-opener, sometimes because I wish my posts were as good as this lol.

    After my twins were born, I didn’t leave the house for a fortnight, didn’t get out of my PJs and probably smelt like I’d just been dug up. I spent much of the time crying and staring at these two brand new human beings and thinking “OMFG I made these!” I only left the house after that time because I thought I should (rather than because I actually wanted to). Still have days like that now and the twins are 19 months!

    I’m sure that deluded mama has learned the error of her ways by now… If she can do that from atop her ivory tower.

  12. Well said! You have expressed what a lot of us feel so beautifully and elegantly. We are all trying our best and the sooner we realise that it’s not a competition the better. There are so many challenges ahead, many of them would be truly unexpected. A lot of things will knock you off your feet as your child grows older and has to grapple with the outside world. A lot of us hide whatever we may be going through – an illness, a disorder, a heartbreak, a loss and we simply put our best faces forward. And if that best face has a bit of peanut butter, so what? We are simply surviving and being the best parents we can.
    Agent Spitback recently posted…A Bit of Everything Week 14My Profile

  13. OH dear I don’t think I should comment on this with two toddlers 20 months apart having havoc on my house while I currently sit trying to get through work emails in a messy dirty hair bun on top of my head. Babies for the most part if you had an easy pregnancy, birth etc are easier far easier as they don’t move…. toddlers oh wait to see what she says how clean her house is after a toddler. EEEK. I am ocd clean and yet my house is constant mess of food smeared floors and oily finger prints on the walls. She will get a reality check too. Let her toot her horn for now. πŸ™‚ Thanks for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme
    Jenny recently posted…Life in slow motion and zoomed in #lifecloseupMy Profile

  14. Amen to you Claire! I’m not surprised you’ve had so many comments, it’s such a fabulous post, and I agree with it all! I had a terrible newborn the first time around! He didn’t sleep at all, and I had horrendous feeding problems, and awful postnatal anxiety. I hardly showered, dressed, had dirty washing everywhere, and once passed out because I had forgotten to eat for 3 days. I wish people would stop and consider the implications of what’s coming out of their mouths before putting things like that on social media. My house is still a tip now, but that is because I choose to spend most of the day out with the children, trying my best to make their lives fun. Sometimes that means festering food under the sofa, and scummy baths! Great, great post. x
    This Mum’s Life recently posted…RIP Avent Baby Feeding Essentials Set: A EulogyMy Profile

  15. Well said! At two weeks old, my firstborn just slept, ate and poo’d. Not much trouble at all. I think whoever wrote that post is in for a shock in a few months time.
    #coolmumsclub

  16. Well said! Thinking everyone else had it nailed in the early days was the absolute end for me! I do wonder actually how well that woman is coping though…I hope it’s not a front for anything. But whatever, I look back at pics of my house with a newborn (and even a six or so month old) and my house looks SOOO nice. Now, with a two and a half year old…not so good! Thanks for posting #bestandworst
    Lucy at occupation:(m)other recently posted…What Do You See?My Profile

  17. I read that little post on facebook a few days ago and it just made me laugh – that is one person who is about to go on a very steep learning curve and have to eat some humble pie. When JJ was about two I took him (with my mum & aunt & uncle) to a tearoom at a local gallery. It was considered child friendly as they had a cupboard full of colouring books and crayons but of course all he wanted to do was zoom up and down the room with a toy car sometimes precariously close to a display dresser full of china. A mum with a tiny baby said to her companion quite loudly “my child will never be that naughty” (I’m paraphrasing) which really p’d me off at the time. No new first time mum can possibly have any idea how things will change and the challenges they will face. #thetruthabout
    Sam recently posted…The Truth about… #60My Profile

  18. Oh my…how lovely for the first two weeks to have been so blissful. I’m not dirty or lazy or looking for excuses but I have had difficult days and days when the house doesn’t look like a show home – that’s parenting. I wouldn’t swap it because it is part of the ride. The people i know who are like the person above have all crashed and burned in a huge way when the bubble bursts. Being realistic is very important #brilliantblogposts
    Mummy Fever recently posted…Dealing with fussy eaters and the food resistantMy Profile

  19. So true on so many levels! I remember the blissful quiet early days of having a new baby – most definitely the probabtion period for what lies ahead. That poor naive mum, I am sure she is eating her words now, on her own, and without cake!

  20. Well said! That stupid Facebook “rant” was ridiculous! I cleaned my house when my daughter was a newborn…all goes downhill when they move and want to play. And WEANING? Don’t get me started. She is on for a massive shock. Keep going hun..you are doing fab! Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst and see you soon x
    Sarah Howe (@RunJumpScrap) recently posted…Best and Worst Week #34My Profile

  21. Amazing! I could agree more with what you have said. I saw the post on Facebook last week and my comment then was ‘we must all be doing it wrong then!’ You are absolutely right when you say that the lady is mistaking laziness for honestly. We don’t get it right all the time, we sometimes spend half the day in our pjs, we sometimes use tv as a babysitter for 30mins while we get the dinner sorted but we do it all together, supporting one another and helping each other. I have learnt a lot in my 2yrs of being a mummy, a lot I would do differently and a lot I wouldn’t beat myself up about. Its a hard enough job anyway without being told we are lazy. Great post and I hope the lady remembers what she wrote in a yrs time when she may not be finding it so ‘easy!’ πŸ™‚

    #sharewithme
    becca farrelly recently posted…Pre-School: A Social For Mia Or Just a Break in Disguise For Me?!My Profile

  22. Absolutely spot on. There should n to be any time or space for judgement, it’s hard enough being a parent, no matter what stage they are. I used to worry about the state my house was in, but if someone comes round to see us and is more worried that I haven;’t vacuumed than how we are doing, then I don’t need that kind of person in my life! I think this lady will be in for a horrible shock sooner or later and I hope she has friends who won’t judge her the way she has judged them! xx #BestAndWorst
    Becky at PinksCharming recently posted…How we (finally) ditched the dreaded dummies!My Profile

  23. Fabulous response! I’m not surprised that this post touched so many as we’ve all had different experiences of pregnancy and parenting and no one day can ever be the same; no child or pregnancy the same. Your post said that so eloquently; parenting isn’t a race or a competition which we should judge each other. It’s a journey which never ends, but one we all take in our own personal way
    Great post
    #BestAndWorst

  24. I’ve seen this on a few different posts. It still amazes me that she has such a “high and mighty” attitude two weeks into motherhood. She’ll soon learn when her child isn’t just sleeping all the time. #FartGlitter
    Becky (@EducatingR) recently posted…Snow Much Fun!My Profile

  25. Brilliant post!! In my opinion the original poster sounds like Katie Hopkins!! Clearly she only has a 2 week old (and probably a cleaner) to come out with something like that! #fartglitter

  26. Love this! I read the post on Sanctimommy the first time and my reaction was just “Oh sweetie, please don’t say something you’ll regret in a year’s time…”. Those words will come back to haunt her when she’s washing baby poo out of her hair in a few weeks! #twinklytuesday

  27. This is a brilliant response to a brilliant comedy post….I take it that it IS a joke right? Please tell me someone didn’t actually be that smug and naive for real? πŸ˜‰
    I don’t think I have ever felt, suggested or inferred that I am nailing anything when it comes to parenting, and am always extremely suspicious of those to claim to be breezing along!
    Glad to be on your team Hun. #TEAMREALITY
    #fartglitter

  28. Love it! I got the giggles reading that status because at two weeks, she knows. Lol! You’re right though we do what we can and do our best, kids aren’t easy. Unless they’re two weeks old then they’re a freaking breeze apparently. Things drop down in my priorities when it comes to complicated meals and tidying but that doesn’t make us lazy. We’re all fab mums doing our thang. Great post!
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  29. I must admit that when I saw this post doing the rounds, I did actually question whether they were really a parent at all or just trying to stir trouble and be noticed. Nobody can be THAT sure of it all after 2 weeks. I wonder if she would like to refer back to her post in about 10 months time when you end up neglecting house chores because all your baby wants to do is have your attention.

    A little bit less judgement is needed these days, it seems to be the MAIN thing in the parenting world sometimes!! #FartGlitter

  30. Great reply to a mum who is going to wonder what hit her very soon, I have 3 bundles of joy, the eldest is 6 and youngest 10 months and most days I am winging it, trying to keep everyone fed, clean and happy- I don’t always manage it. I lived off toast and bananas for months after number 3! #maternitymondays

  31. Spot on! At first when I saw the Facebook post I was genuinely intrigued as to how she’d got it all together after 2 weeks, then when I remembered that some mothers are lucky enough to have babies that will actually be put down without screaming I chuckled at her naivety. But then I thought how I’d have felt seeing that post when I had a two-week-old. I was a mess and so was my house – a traumatic birth resulting in a severe tear meant I was still in pain and unable to walk far, I was struggling to breastfeed, and my daughter would only sleep on me in the day and screamed if I put her down due to undiagnosed reflux. I dread to think how new mums who are struggling would feel after reading the post, especially those suffering from PND. I hope all new mums who have seen the original post get to read one like this to reassure them.

  32. I’m not surprised at the outrage this post has generated, although I do wonder whether this was written to be deliberately provocative, knowing that this might send it viral. Either way, it’s idiotic, patronising and probably a complete lie. Nice response, though!
    Tim recently posted…My Sunday Photo: Spelling it outMy Profile

  33. Wow. That’s the first time I’ve read that and I needed a deep breath to get through. Well done you for such a nice, sensible response. My ranty reply wouldn’t have been as awesome. #fartglittee x

  34. This is a brilliant post and the perfect response to the two week mums rant. I totally agree with you, we all need to support each other and not judge. I will be interested to see how her views have changed once her baby reaches toddler hood. I would have been really upset if I read this when my son was only 2 weeks old, I was definitely still in my pyjamas and getting a shower every day was just impossible. I hope new mums read your honest post and not hers. I’m sharing this on twitter as it really is a wonderful, supportive and , most importantly, real post xx #Fartglitter
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  35. Virtual high five for this outstanding piece of writing! I felt quite enraged and defensive reading the quote, but you managed to calmly and politely dispel all of my rage without once shouting “what do you know about it??? You have a two week old!?”

    Parenthood is flipping hard work and I offer a hug, wine and cake to anyone and everyone going through it, however fabulous they are at nailing it, (or not as the case may be).

    Dawn x
    #fartglitter
    Rhyming with wine recently posted…Harry Potter Studios – A magical visit.My Profile

  36. Wonderful writing. I’m sure your post will give many new mums a bit of confidence that they are doing OK despite the sink full of washing, vomit stained clothes and nappy stuck to their foot. We aren’t martyrs. We are just humans doing the best we can.
    Vix x
    #fartglitter

  37. Yes, I saw this & people talking about it. I have to admit that part of me does wonder if anyone is actually naive enough to believe that after 2 weeks they know enough to write this post, or if it is actually just one of those deliberately antagonistic things designed to wind people up and get a response. Either way, it was a foolish and unnecessary post and, as you say, no one should pay it any attention. #fridayfrolics
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  38. This is your rant? But you are so polite! You are so clam and controlled in your reply. Great advice to her. I really chuckled at feeding the kids at the table. I have just feed my 21 months old on the floor whist she was playing her brother’s dinosaur toys. This lady is so clueless! Two weeks! Two weeks and already she thinks she had it nailed. Wow! I like the way you have put it though – in probation – nice! Great post! Thank you so much for linking up with me. I have also read your We Are Not Rivals post on HP too. It is such a sensation post. Congratulations! x #FabFridayPost
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  39. Claire I love this post! It is the perfect response to that post. One that I am very sure she is regretting ever posting. It took me three times before I just got up the next morning and carried on. I did it for a week and felt amazing. Then everything hit me. Three times over and I still didn’t/don’t have it nailed! Silly, silly woman! xx
    Clare recently posted…Spectrum Sunday #8My Profile

  40. Well said! I dont know what it is about becoming a parent with some people but its like it has given them automatic right to judge another parent aswell as entering a competition. My childs the best child!

    As you said its damaging to parents who may be struggling and need support and to read the normal account of parenting to help them get through the next hour never mind the next day.

    I know with my son regardless of what my mother….hv…books etc said he would not sleep or settle unless he was held. He cried what felt like constantly. There were times i wouldnt have the chance to eat until the afternoon as he would cry as soon as he was put down. I lived on very little sleep. My partner left me and my son when he was 3 months old. It was bloody hard and i feel proud that i got through it. Part of getting through it was talking to other mums.

    Parenting i think is trial and error there is no ONE way to do it. Help each other. Its the hardest but most rewarding thing in life.

  41. I cannot agree more with every last word you have written. Essentially you sort of have to feel sorry for her because now internationally hated. And she will probably miss out on the amazing sisterhood of Mummy friends. And she might not realise yet jut how much she is going to need them. Another excellent post lovely Claire. xxx
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  42. Oh my! I know another mom like her. A know-it-all, can-do-it-all, the-rest-of-you-watch-me-do-it style mom. She has one 20month old boy. What she is not saying to her fans who cheer her up and admire her, is that, almost from the beginning, she sends the baby 3 days a week for the whoooole day to his grandparents. And when she has the baby her in-laws cook for her family. And she, like the one mentioned above, from day one judged the and self promoted herself. They are the worst kind! Well said Claire!

  43. It reminds me of those ‘(supposedly) famous person lives on benefits for two weeks’ to show the world how easy it is. We can all stay on top of anything for two weeks. It’s the years of day in, day out that’s the problem! πŸ™‚ #fridayfrolics
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  44. Thank you! I read the post from the fortunate lady with an amazing baby 2 days ago and it has bothered me ever since. I couldn’t decide whether I felt sorry for her or judged by her. I think ultimately I feel sorry for her. Because she is still in the baby moon period where it’s so much better than you feared, just days before colic is likely to set in and she has no idea what evil likely awaits her or whether it’s that she’s alienating the most incredible support network (on and offline) or whether she’s going to join the rest of us who have personal list of ‘things I said before I had kids’ and live with the shame of what she has said (I remember mentioning kids eating at the table, never eating in my car etc etc) .it never ceases to amaze me that we parents don’t manage to successfully impart the learnings on these things to the uninitiated. Perhaps we try but they’re just not listening!

  45. I totally take my hat off to that woman….she is amazing…two weeks of perfection…she is truly SUPERWOMAN. Cannot wait to see her next ‘rant’ at 2 months or two years. No judgement, of course….Husband and I laughed out loud at every line of her ‘rant’…that is hysterical and it pains me to see her getting so much damned attention…but it is just too funny to ignore.. #Friday Frolics
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  46. I am a mum of 3 beautiful daughters and now a wonderful son. I am also a childcare professional with over 20 years experience. This means absolutely nothing when it took 6 months to get a diagnosis of cows milk intolerance for my son. He never slept day or night and I couldn’t ever put him down because he was always so distressed. I told everyone the day I managed to clean the bathroom ( he was 5 months old at that point) He isn’t sleeping again now because of constipation and reflux which means for a fortnight I have averaged 3 hrs sleep a night. My house is a tip and I tidy it when I can, usually prior to a visit from one of the health care team so they know I am coping! More importantly my children are loved and are happy. If my little boy is sleeping then I hold him because it gives me peace and comforts me that he is calm. It’s no fun trying to hold an agitated baby. The washing up and laundry get done eventually and everyone gets fed this is enough for now. No matter who you are or what your circumstances are if you are a mum you are an amazing person. Two of my friends have recently lost children. You will always have tomorrow to do the housework. Enjoy your family while you can.

  47. A fantastic response and I couldn’t agree more!

    My daughter’s first art work was on her bedroom wall, I was amazed at the detail but horror struck at the thought of getting it off!

    I felt like a failure after having to have an emergency C-section and then after 10 weeks suffered an infection…if I had read a post like these during that stage it would have made me feel just awful. So I’m glad someone has spoken up about it.

    It’s all relative, being a parent is hard work, and we should stick together more.

  48. Thank you so much for what you said. My husband had a nervous break down 2 weeks after my son was born which had a huge impact on the family, my little boy suffered from horrendous colic and now he’s 7 months old and has never once slept through the night no matter what I do. Sometimes I’m up all night then it’s on with the day. He doesn’t nap much either!! I love my boy to death but it’s been anything but easy, he doesn’t like being left alone either so when I read post like that lady wrote it can make me feel a complete failure. Thanks for telling it how it is for the majority of people.

  49. I saw this on my newsfeed several times yesterday and thought that whoever wrote it is in for a very rude awakening. Being judgmental doesn’t help anyone – it won’t help that mummy later on when she’s struggling and it certainly doesn’t help other mummies who are struggling to sit and eat a hot meal, or grab a quick shower or sleep for more than about 20 minutes at a time. Parenthood is hard – it is a wonderful thing, but it is hard and honesty helps other people get through it and realise that they are not alone. Thank you for sharing this – it is the perfect response.
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  50. Your polite response to this woman ranting is well controlled. To be honest my blood boiled reading her post until I was calmed by yours. I have a 12 yr old daughter and 10 yr old son. My daughter was a very happy baby. She spoiled me. I had a bad birth but after all that the rest was reasonably easy to manage. I honestly thought if this is parenthood I want a football team. My son came along and I soon learned no child is the same. I had a difficult pregnancy and another bad birth. He cried constantly and with a 2 year old running around deciding she absolutely HAD to use the toilet not a potty whilst I was breastfeeding things began to fall apart for me quite quickly. To this day I stand by the fact that they are my special miracles that keep giving me reason to shine, grow and learn every day. There were days when I could barely look after myself let alone the children but they are both happy and healthy and very much alive today. I left nappy cream in the bedroom one night without realising. My daughter the following morning had painted herself and her one year old brother head to toe before I had even woken up. Does this make me a bad mom? My house may be untidy at times but I keep it clean. My kids will still leave shoes, coats, school bags, plates, you name it, lying around and you would think they are old enough to know better. That as may be but sometimes everyone gets preoccupied and forgets. I hope her child doesn’t come across any infections that are serious cz the only way a child’s health and immunity grow is if they are exposed to certain situations. I wish her all the luck in the world but I have to say I’m curious to see how she gets on when her baby is no longer a baby but a little ‘whirlwind’ ready to destroy lol.

  51. Great post. I am glad she’s had an easy start but I suspect she is in for a very rude awakening! And that’s a very good point about other mums reading – after 2 weeks, I was still recovering from an emergency C section, struggling to feed, with an baby who would only nap on me (or in a buggy/car). For weeks, if I had a shower, I’d get out to the sound of her screaming. Being told I should be whipping up delicious meals and mopping the floor when I was struggling to get dressed would not have helped!

  52. A nice and considerate response to what can only be seen as perhaps quite a naive comment from a new mum. Two weeks from having had twins I think I had it nailed too (even with a three yr old to handle at the same time). At that age, they sleep more, as a mum you are still running on a high so the lack of sleep hasn’t really hit you and for the purposes of cleaning stitches etc I also had a daily shower. But I also had my partner at home for those early weeks and a lot of ‘help’ from others.
    Perhaps her opinion will change in 3 months when she realises that babies cry if you so much as try to have a wee without them there. Or cry at the noise the Hoover makes. Or keep bringing up their milk because of reflux etc. and I hope she still has some mummy friends to help her then

  53. OMG I laughed and laughed when I read that! Surely it’s a troll?!? Surely no actual woman could be that naive and SMUG, in such a public forum… Love your response :).
    #FridayFrolics

  54. It makes no sense that she would be angry at others for not managing as well as she does, which makes me think she’s a leetle more tired and emosh than she suggests. Must be the hormones, otherwise I worry about the pressure she might pile onto that poor child.

  55. I’m obsessed with this. I saw it yesterday and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I’m starting to think it can’t be real? Can it? CAN ANYONE BE THAT SMUG? Also, if it is true, then hasn’t she heard of karma? This is going to come back and bite her on the arse big time. One word: colic. Good luck with it. And yep, we’re not super-mums. We’re super-real mums. Good on you. #FridayFrolics

  56. Ha ha, yes, well, two weeks in it is easy to say that πŸ™‚ Babies are a little bit different kettle of fish than toddlers, ha ha. That said, parenting hasn’t really changed my cleaning habits at all – I have always been a messy bugger! (and to be honest, I was probably a lot cleaner as after the birth of my baby I pretty much disinfected the whole house in an OCD fit πŸ˜€ )
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  57. Love this post! Perfectly said. It’s great things are going so well for her… but really, a two-week old baby that sleeps for most of the day is not the same as having a toddler running round the place, or in my case, a toddler, four year old and six year old! I felt awful after my first birth. I literally couldn’t sit down I was in so much pain and had mastitis in both breasts. My feet and hands were puffy. I was in agony. Second and third time round, I felt really good, amazing in fact… but instead of being able to do everything while my baby slept, I had one and then two other young children to look after as well. My second two children both had colic and would cry every single evening for four hours, wanting to breast feed and cuddle. Every time I write about parenting being hard or struggling to keep up with the housework etc, I get such an amazing response from women saying thank you and that this is how they feel. It’s a pity this mum can’t see things from others’ points of views. Maybe once she’s finished her own cleaning, she can come and do mine?!?! x
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  58. You’re so right, sometimes being a mum just doesn’t click for some, and sometimes a baby will cry for hours on end for feels like sport. These new mums are the most vulnerable and when posts like this are shared all they do is to make them feel worse. I couldn’t breast feed, I tried so hard for so long, I just couldn’t do it, the bit that made that worse was how easy everyone else made it seem. Thankfully I had a wonderfully supportive Health Visitor and my best friend had the right words for me at the right time.

    We need to support all mums, even this one, and if it comes back to bite her on the arse then hopefully she’ll have the backup she needs.

  59. Excellent post, and I completely agree! It’s all about Mumpathy, and the last thing we need is the Parenting Police telling us we’re lazy etc. As you say, a newborn does not compare to a toddler…! Well said xx

  60. Oh Claire! I salute you! This! This is ot exactly. I saw the post on question and shared it on my blog page and the amount of comments on it are insane! It clearly struck a nerve with a lot of people. It was the judgemental tone that irritated me the most. She’s two weeks in! That’s like visiting France for a fortnight and declaring the French language is a doddle as “I’ve been understood everywhere”. Stupid woman. I’m pretty sure somewhere in Google has released her name. I bet she’s paying for her sanctimonious attitude!

      • I don’t think it did and I am grateful for your reply. I have 8 week old twins and a 2 year old and I have been beating myself up for still being at my mothers house because I am too scared (though my head says ‘lazy’) to go home alone. Thank you for making me feel a little less hopeless xx

        • You are so welcome. And don’t beat yourself up. With Twins and a two year old I can guarantee you are not lazy! There is nothing wrong with using your support network. In fact I think there would be something wrong if you didn’t! Please don’t feel hopeless. You are a mum and you rock. xxxx

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