I am a huge fan of Cbeebies.  What self respecting parent isn’t.  It enables me to hang the washing out, pee without an audience, and sometimes even drink a hot cup of tea.  There are days when Cbeebies is an actual life saver.  Like the day both the husband and I were playing tag with a sickness bug. If we didn’t have our head down the toilet we were led on the sofa praying for mercy and thanking the lord that Cbeebies was looking after the kids.  If only Katy could actually materialise in our living room and ‘I can cook‘  something up for the kids tea.


It’s on days like these though that your mind begins to wonder and you ask yourself questions such as;


Bing Questions Night Garden Question Raa Raa Question



But the program that I question most is the annoyingly sweet and infuriatingly unrealistic Topsy & Tim and their Smug Face Mummy.  And I am not alone.  My post The Top 5 Misdemeanors of Topsy and Tim remains one of my most popular posts to date.   Because for every episode of the ever-so-polite-and-very-tall-for-their-age twintastic duo, there are a hundred questions that zoom around my head and torture me.  And a little analysis of my blog stats and referrers tells me that you too have burning questions. So for all of you who would rather stick your head in the oven than watch Monotony & Dim Topsy & Tim, know that you are not alone.


Topsy & Tim


Here are the top 10 questions* mind-numbingly bored parents have asked google about Topsy & Tim.  If anyone has any answers more enlightening (and correct) than mine, then please put us all out of our misery.  Except for the last question.  The answer to that one is definitely no.


1 How does Topsy & Tim’s Mum stay so calm?

She’s a robot.  No other explanation.  I mean did you see the one where they dropped the cupcakes.  She didn’t even raise a perfectly groomed eyebrow, let alone her voice.


2 How old are Topsy & Tim?

Clearly a good few years older than the characters they portray.  If it carries on at this rate Tim’s going to start talking in a squeaky voice and they will have to do an episode where Topsy gets her first training bra.


3 Does Topsy wear a wig?

Not sure, but what are those pigtails about?


4 Are Topsy & Tim really twins?

No.  Do you really care?


5 What is Topsy short for?

Topsy turvy? I have no idea but it is the second most ridiculous girls name ever, only being topped by the offspring of Kim & Kanye, North West.


6 Do Topsy & Tim have false teeth?

Probably.  Otherwise they would have had to do an episode where Smug Face Mummy takes the twins to the dentist to find out why the tooth fairy has to visit 4-year olds so often.  And we all know it’s not because of sweets.  Smug Face Mummy would never bribe her kids with sweets.


7 Is Topsy & Tim’s Mummy having a baby?

Please let this be true in the program.  Please lets see Smug Face Mummy after two hours sleep, a colicy baby, and no time to shower.  Surely then some cracks must appear?


8 Why are Topsy & Tim so annoying?

Personally I blame most of it on Smug Face Mummy.  Although Smarmy Daddy plays his part.


9 What do Topsy & Tim Look like now?

Pretty much the same, although check this space in 5 years.  Which one will be the hot movie star and which one will be topping the Where Are They Now lists?


10 Is Topsy & Tim’s Dad is hot?

If you googled this you need to remove the wine goggles immediately (I understand the urge to drink when this program is on, but seriously?)  Please begin watching back to back movies starring Brad Pitt and Gerard Butler to regain some perspective in your life. Smarmy Daddy is not a socially acceptable guilty pleasure either.  Step away from Cbeebies. NOW!


Hot or Not

A little visual graphic to highlight my last point.


So there you have it.  Is this the most annoying program on Cbeebies?  Or are there others that raise so many questions you have to turn to google for help?


*Taken from my WordPress stats and in no way official or anything.


Check out my other posts relating to kids TV:

muddy-puddles thumbnail cBEEBIES cOUNTRY NEEDS YOU THUMBNAIL Topsy & Tim ThumnailGuilty Pleasures









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51 Comments on Is Topsy’s Hair a Wig? – And Other Burning Questions About Topsy & Tim

  1. Fionnuala
    March 3, 2016 at 7:51 pm (11 months ago)

    Oh so late on my commenting this week!
    Reading this I am very glad I only have to see Ceebeebies when I am in Ireland for a visit. That said, German children’s TV is fairly bad in its own way.
    Thanks for hosting this Claire.
    Fionnuala recently posted…Counting Down To Easter With Kids: Grow Your Own Easter GrassMy Profile

  2. You Baby Me Mummy
    March 3, 2016 at 11:19 am (11 months ago)

    Ha ha! I love this! 🙂 I have only seen this abomination at friends houses, we are firmly team nick jnr here! Thank the lord! Thanks for linking up to #TheList x
    You Baby Me Mummy recently posted…My PND Story #MumTalkMy Profile

  3. Katie LifeonVistaStreet Haydock
    February 28, 2016 at 10:01 pm (11 months ago)

    Ha ha ha! I’ll be honest – I dislike Topsy and Tim so much I have to turn the telly off when it comes on… but I get what you mean about their age… and their on screen mother. Do you think she purposefully does the smug thing to make all the other mums angry??
    Great post! xXx

  4. Mummy Here and There
    February 28, 2016 at 8:18 pm (11 months ago)

    Haha cebeebies has been a lifesaver, I would be lost without it!
    But Topsy and Tim and there perfect mum grrrrr!
    It made me howl the title of this post and you have a good point! I definately think they are older then they are to their character age.

  5. Silly Mummy
    February 27, 2016 at 10:45 pm (11 months ago)

    Haha – number 10! Surely worse than potentially thinking he is hot, is needing guidance on whether you think he’s hot! It is a weird programme – I try not to watch it! But I have questions about so many CBeebies programmes – in fact, I have done posts on it (Topsy & Tim were included)! #fridayfrolics

  6. Chantal Milk&Nappies
    February 27, 2016 at 11:06 am (11 months ago)

    Hahahaha I love this! I hadn’t questioned if her hair was a wig, but now that all I’m going to think about. I do spend my time having lots of questions about Bing though as that’s our most watched show! xx
    Chantal Milk&Nappies recently posted…Living Room InspirationMy Profile

  7. Helen - Mess Stress and Fancy Dress
    February 26, 2016 at 9:10 pm (11 months ago)

    Yes she makes me want to poke her in the eye with one of topsy’s strange pigtails. She is actually more smug than Bono, and he is a veritable beacon of sanctimonious smugness if ever I saw one. As we are up before Cbeebies starts, we are big fans of “me too!” although no-one else I know seems to watch this and I feel like I am living in an alternate universe whenever I talk about it and am met with blank faces. It has been on the schedule at 6am for years, but never at another time, and I feel like it is beamed only into my house. Nanny Murray is much like Smug mummy in the irritation stakes. I bloody love your blog. xxxxxxxxxxxx
    Helen – Mess Stress and Fancy Dress recently posted…Your post-parenthood birthdayMy Profile

  8. teacuptoria
    February 26, 2016 at 3:39 pm (11 months ago)

    Oh I remember the books when I was growing up!! I didn’t even realise they had turned it into a kids programme. I’m so glad my boy is 10 and has no interest in CBeebies anymore! You’re right though, it was an absolute life saver at times when he was growing up. x #FridayFrolics
    teacuptoria recently posted…“In order to fly one must first clear the shit off one’s wings”.My Profile

  9. Collette @family life and me
    February 26, 2016 at 2:57 pm (11 months ago)

    This makes me laugh. I do love a bit of Topsy and Tim bashing…and Cbeebies bashing in general (although please don’t remove it, my life would be over) Tim drives me up the wall, I know he’s only meant to be five but he’s such a pansy. Like, seriously, man up. I’ve always wondered what Flopp was!? It’s can’t be Bings dad can it? My daughter LOVES something special and I actually think of ways in my head that I would torture Mr Tumble if I had half the chance. He drives me bonkers. I’m getting all agitated just thinking about him…

  10. laura dove
    February 26, 2016 at 11:08 am (11 months ago)

    Hahaha I have never been subjected to Topsy And Tim but I remember the books from when I was younger! I have to admit, Topsys hair does look like a wig!!! Really made me laugh, thank you! #fridayfrolics

  11. Fran Back With A Bump
    February 26, 2016 at 10:05 am (11 months ago)

    We’ve graduated from Cbeebies to CBBC and the world of Tracy Beaker. I can’t say I’ve missed the ninky nonk and make a pakka and his odd rock obsession!!
    Fran Back With A Bump recently posted…An Early AppearanceMy Profile

  12. Laura @ Life with Baby Kicks
    February 26, 2016 at 9:13 am (11 months ago)

    I have never seen Topsy and Tim – hallelujah

    But I have the answer to your flop question – Flop is an old school bunny toy from the olden days hence he is smaller than the massive creation from today…..
    Laura @ Life with Baby Kicks recently posted…Going From One to Two Children is Easy?My Profile

  13. Gemma Nuttall
    February 26, 2016 at 7:03 am (11 months ago)

    Smug Mummy and Smug Daddy.
    You’re right, they never loose their sh*t and that’s totally unrealistic. These smug parents are what’s giving us ‘normal’ parents a complexe and requiring us to seek solace from each other via the medium of blogging….
    I really can’t stand Mr Maker. There’s nothing fun for my kids watching him make stuff which they’d love to make themselves, only for them to ask me if we have all the things required for the latest make to which I ALWAYS reply, no. No I don’t have a large box, 5 yards of fake turf, some ornate whittled birds or a rainbow selection of glitter glue….

    Brilliant post!

  14. MMT
    February 25, 2016 at 7:41 pm (11 months ago)

    I do love a Cbeebies ranty post! And we ALL love a bit of Topsy & Tims mum bashing!
    My personal WORST show is Me Too…you know, the one you only endure if your kids got up at a totally unearthly hour? It’s bad. Really bad. I hope you are blessed with sleepers and may have never experienced the god awful cheese…!
    Love this post…Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub

  15. Siena Says
    February 25, 2016 at 1:00 pm (11 months ago)

    Oh my God this is hysterical! All the things I have thought about Topsy and Tim. I have to admit I do quite like it though. My all time hate is Little Charley Bear. And it doesn’t help that my little one is in love with the show at the moment. James flipping Corden and his narration drives me nuts.

    I like Bing, but I do wonder what the whole set up is and yes what is Flop?

    ‘And that’ said Siena Says ‘was that!’

    • Life Love and Dirty Dishes
      February 25, 2016 at 1:05 pm (11 months ago)

      Ha Ha. I quite like Charlie, only because James Corden is a guilty pleasure of mine 😉

  16. Rebecca | AAUBlog
    February 25, 2016 at 10:22 am (11 months ago)

    this is so so brilliant! We do switch this off when it comes on (my two prefer cartoons as they’re quite young) and I have always wondered why on earth she was called Topsy? And completely with you on in the night garden – what were they smoking?! #coolmumclub

  17. Random Musings
    February 24, 2016 at 12:53 am (11 months ago)

    Kids TV was so much better in the 80s! This sounds horrendous lol #TwinklyTuesday

  18. Sarah
    February 23, 2016 at 9:13 pm (11 months ago)

    I totally agree with all the points above. In the Night Garden..What The Hell.
    But it totally mesmorizes my little ones. :/

    Topsy & Tim really annoys me, I dont even like it on in the background.
    Everything is so perfect in their life, even Topsy’s stupid, never moving, no loose hair buns.


    Sarah recently posted…DIY Date Night JarMy Profile

  19. Mrs Tubbs
    February 23, 2016 at 1:14 pm (11 months ago)

    Frankly, I don’t question it, I just thank God it exists otherwise nothing would have ever got done! We missed Topsy & Tim, but I had the same thoughts about In the Night Garden? What were they smoking?!

  20. Coombe Mill - Fiona
    February 23, 2016 at 9:32 am (11 months ago)

    You make me feel glad mine have grown out of kids programmes! #TwinklyTuesday

  21. Katy
    February 23, 2016 at 9:21 am (11 months ago)

    I’ve only just encountered Topsy and Tim and it’s rapidly jumped to the top of my most hated list! The twins are awful, and the mum really is the definition of smug perfect mum. I’ve clearly not watched much though as I can recognise the complete lack of hotness in the Dad! #bigpinklink
    Katy recently posted…Butterflies in the Glasshouse at RHS WisleyMy Profile

  22. Emma
    February 23, 2016 at 8:02 am (11 months ago)

    This made me laugh- a lot! It blew my mind a little when Topsy and Tim’s Mum was also in Eastenders and sleeping with Max. I kept getting confused (i blame the tiredness) and would find myself shouting at the TV but what about Topsy and Tim’s Dad!!!!

    Emma recently posted…What makes the perfect family home?My Profile

  23. Rach
    February 23, 2016 at 7:14 am (11 months ago)

    Ha this is so funny!! I’ve had many a burning question about this programme. Namely are they really twins? They’re not – great casting though eh? They look so alike! Why is their Mum so bloody nice and calm? Also, without wanting to be rude (um, I’m going to be anyway), the Dad is blatantly punching above his weight with his wife. Why do the kids get on so well? Why are they always so kind to each other? When I’m having a really shit day, their suburbia smugness really jars me off. And yes, I do need to find more things to get wound up about OTHER THAN A BLOODY KIDS PROGRAMME.

    PS. I agree, what mind altering drugs were the creators of In The Night Garden on??

    • Life Love and Dirty Dishes
      February 23, 2016 at 9:18 pm (11 months ago)

      What is it about Topsy & Tim that winds me up more than any other kids show?!

  24. OneDad2Sons
    February 22, 2016 at 10:03 pm (11 months ago)

    Excellent post. It’s funny how kids TVs characters push our buttons. The two twins are certainly in that group. But so is Peter Rabbit who causes chaos for the local residents and openly takes things that aren’t his. Grrrrrrr #bigpinklink

  25. This Mum's Life
    February 22, 2016 at 9:02 pm (11 months ago)

    Hahahaha!!! This is too funny!! We don’t always have cbeebies on, as my children are starting to migrate to Nick Jr, but my burning question regarding Smug Faced Mummy’s pregnancy was ‘is Anna Acton (yes, I actually knew her real name!) pregnant in real life?’ And yes, I googled it!! No, she wasn’t, as I’m sure you’re wondering…! And someone suggested to me that those blond ends sticking out of Topsy’s hair are fake, something I’d never noticed before, and NOW I CAN’T UNSEE IT!!
    Loved this!

    • Life Love and Dirty Dishes
      February 23, 2016 at 9:20 pm (11 months ago)

      I had an official tweet back from Cbeebies grown ups. It’s not a wig, but the fringe is fake!!!

  26. Ellen
    February 22, 2016 at 3:48 pm (11 months ago)

    Is Topsy and Tim’s dad hot? Just had me howling!! Oh I have all of this to look forward to, I still get to watch whatever I like at the moment! #bigpinklink

    • Life Love and Dirty Dishes
      February 23, 2016 at 9:21 pm (11 months ago)

      enjoy it whilst you can. There’s a whole new world of bizarre and irritating for you to discover!

  27. Emma Jones
    February 22, 2016 at 3:46 pm (11 months ago)

    I am definitely in the I hate Topsy & Tim camp. Cbeebies isn’t on much in my house now (kids are 5 & 9) it’s all about the Disney channel now & largely annoying American singing dramas. Argh! #big pink link lifeinthemumslane

  28. Hannah
    February 22, 2016 at 12:04 pm (11 months ago)

    Love this post! all questions I have wondered myself!, wish I was a calm as Topsy & Tims mum & dad!, must be great to be perfect, even if you are a made up Cbeebies family haha!

  29. Sarah
    February 22, 2016 at 10:45 am (11 months ago)

    My other half loves T&T. I loathe it with a passion. Mainly Smug Face Mummy, who never kicks off when T&T are being turds. Which they are. A lot. He thinks shes a wonderful Mummy…!!!!! #bigpinklink

  30. Jessica Powell (Babi a Fi)
    February 22, 2016 at 10:34 am (11 months ago)

    Hehe, this cracked me up! Thankfully we’ve mostly avoided CBeebies so far – Marianna is obsessed with Rainbow on DVD / YouTube / wherever we can find it. If you put something else on, she cries for it! It has many many questions of its own though. Not least why Bungle is too embarrassed to let their next door neighbour see him in his swimming trunks in the garden, but habitually goes round her house stark naked… #bigpinklink
    Jessica Powell (Babi a Fi) recently posted…Why I Don’t Want Another BabyMy Profile

  31. Frances Thompson
    February 22, 2016 at 9:49 am (11 months ago)

    This actually made me laugh out load. The question that mostly goes through my mind when watching Topsy and Tim is how can my child actually be enjoying this?!?!
    My recent weird non-acceptable crush is Andy from Cbeebies (seriously WTF?) but I’m entirely blaming that on pregnancy and am hoping/praying my hotness compass will return to normal after the baby arrives.

  32. The DADventurer (Dave)
    February 22, 2016 at 9:36 am (11 months ago)

    Ah, the questions that float through our head when watching CBeebies. I have millions! I never really used to like Topsy and Tim, but I’ll admit, they’ve grown on me slightly over the past few weeks. Maybe because I’m starting to crush on the mum…

  33. imatwinmama
    February 21, 2016 at 9:52 pm (11 months ago)

    I love this post but your questions about Bing and Flop are my favourite bit! There’s an episode where Flop won’t let Bing carry Charlie because Charlie is too big. But then how the heck does Flop lift him?? Flop also has no fingers! How does he look after Bing single-handedly without opposable thumbs??! Why is Flop seemingly a sack toy thing but Bing is a proper bunny??? Where’s Bing’s mom? Is Flop even his dad?? Why do they say “Aitchee!” after a sneeze when literally NO-ONE says that?!? Why is Bing such a little sh*t!?!?

    Ok, I need to breathe.

  34. Single Mum Speaks
    February 21, 2016 at 8:57 pm (11 months ago)

    I have wondered a lot about the baby question. In one episode Smug Face Mummy was heavily pregnant, clearly about to give birth, and then the mysterious bump was suddenly never seen again. This is a shame. In the books, as they were in the 1980s when I read them as a tot, T and T had a little sister called Tansy who was, mysteriously, of a different ethnicity to the rest of the family. I was hoping that Smug Face Mummy had had an affair, and that Tansy was the result.
    Single Mum Speaks recently posted…My Contribution to the Obesity Epidemic?My Profile

  35. Kim (sisterkin)
    February 21, 2016 at 8:00 pm (11 months ago)

    I admit I do actually sit down and watch Topsy and Tim with my 3 year olds but something was bugging me about their house that I couldn’t quite put my finger on until I realised that unlike most normal houses with pre-schoolers they have no signs of Peppa Pig, Frozen, Bob the Builder etc. I can buy into the rest of the factual inaccuracies but that is a step too far.xx

  36. Christina @ Ladybug Home
    February 21, 2016 at 5:52 pm (11 months ago)

    These are great questions. I do try to remind my daughter that they fictional characters but she still wants to know why she can’t meet them at the park. Do you think the “messy side buns” are because she had really long hair. Love the point about teeth. Thank you for understand my daily pain. (On Demand ceebies).

  37. Tori Gabriel
    February 21, 2016 at 2:09 pm (11 months ago)

    Awesome post! I hate Topsy and Tim’s Mum. She never seems disturbed by anything. Also, aren’t the twins meant to be six?!
    Tori Gabriel recently posted…The Birthday Present TerrorMy Profile

    • Life Love and Dirty Dishes
      February 23, 2016 at 9:28 pm (11 months ago)

      They have never once called each other a ‘poo poo head’. It’s not normal!!!


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