A Guest Post by And Another 10 Things
The series all about the parenting fails and rookie mistakes that prove there really is no manual for this job.
This weeks Rookie Mistake is from the very clever and funny Suzanne who blogs at And Another 10 Things. Suzanne made the rookie mistake of ‘popping’ to the shops with a toddler. You never ‘pop’ anywhere with a toddler in tow. Haven’t we all had a disastrous shopping trip in their company?
Walking with Toddlers
I don’t know about you but when the sun comes out it does something to my brain and I forget everything that happened the previous summer and make exactly the same mistakes. Oooh look it’s at least 15 degrees, let’s get a paddling pool out = draining fetid water and scrubbing all manner of crap out the bottom at 10pm whilst weeping about how you used to be cool*. Oooh, look at this super cute Joules sun hat, the Child is going to love that = where the f*** did I put that f***ing hat? That cost twenty pounds. Quick Husband dust out that lunch box and sellotape it to the Child’s head. She’s burning! SHE’S BURNING!
But without a doubt, the absolute worst decision I make every single time the sun comes out is thinking that it’s good idea to walk with the Child to the shop. To prove it here is a transcript of our latest expedition broken down, of course, into ten steps.
16.30pm: Wow, isn’t it a beautiful day, I’ve got half an hour until I need to start making that Jamie Oliver Mediterranean beany, fishy stewy thing. Child, shall we walk to the shop…? Well that was actually a rhetorical question which means we are walking to the shop… Of course you can take your scooter, that’s a lovely idea. Now where is that sun hat?
16.45pm: So it took a little longer than expected to get out of the house, but that’s ok. I’ll just whip up a salad with a honey vinaigrette from Pinterest or something. Oh, look at her scootering – I mean this is parenting. THIS is it, I’ve cracked it. I could totally handle another one. The Child would be scootering, the Child 2 would be in a sling. I should totally take a pictu… What do you mean you don’t want to scooter anymore you’ve only just started…? Well I’ll take it back to the house then…but will you want to scooter again in a minute…? Ok ok I’ll push it but you’ll have to walk
17.06pm: Oh wow, yes that is a dragon fly – well spotted. Oh yes and that’s a cat… yep, and a leaf…and stone…oh and another stone… well that’s dog poo…no don’t touch it…I SAID DON’T TOUCH IT…come on please we were meant to be home by now and we’re still practically on our doorstop.
17.16pm: Right, hold my hand across the road…no hold my hand…because it’s dangerous…I’m not asking again…stop screaming, I’m going to count to three…1…2…2 and a half…for the love of god just hold my hand.
17.18pm: Right, now you can let go of my hand…well I can’t really carry you and this scooter. Why don’t you scooter for a bit…? We’re nearly there now so just walk a little bit longer…you’re tired? Seriously YOU’RE tired…? Fine, but you’re walking home.
17.23pm: Ok, shall we get a trolley then I can push you round…? Ok we’ll get a basket…it might be too heavy for you to carry…Ok, ok push it round but watch that lady’s walking stick…
17.25pm: No you can’t have chocolate…or sweets… or crisps…or those razors…go on you can have a magazine but pick a nice one…look this one’s educational – five fun facts about worms. Doesn’t that sound good…? No, you want the one with plastic tat on the front? Fine, fine just put it in the basket…£3.75? £3.75? Well if you’re getting that I’m getting wine.
17.50pm: Ok, can you scooter home now…? Walk then…? My arms are full with the scooter and the shopping…Ok I’ll give you a shoulder ride…where did that chocolate bar come from…? Did we pay for that…? We’ll have to go back in now…Because you can’t just take things…
17.15pm: You can stop crying now we’re home. How can it take an hour and a half to get some mil…shit I forgot the sodding milk.
17.16pm: That’s it, we’re having oven baked random crap from the freezer for dinner and we’re eating it in front of the telly so we don’t have to talk to each other. Now where’s that bloody wine?
Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s lovely five minute walk in the sunshine to get some milk turns into an epic mission that ends in you spending £25 on stuff you don’t even need, a toddler sulking because you couldn’t find the stone they dropped and no milk.
*I was never cool but it’s a lie like to tell myself occasionally
About Suzanne:
I’m Suzanne and after spending my twenties thinking about all the things I’d write if I had the time I’m determined to spend my thirties actually writing! As a mum of a two-year old my blog – and another ten things – explores the funnier side of parenting and life (or attempts to make the more difficult parts funny) in lists of ten. I originally set it up as a way to make myself write regularly but two months in I’m completely hooked on blogging. One day I’d love to make a living from writing but for now it’s how I spend my evening between my daughter’s bathtime and catching up on Neighbours.
You can follow And Another 10 Things on Facebook and Twitter.
You can read previous guest posts from the Rookie Mistakes series here.
If you are a blogger and wish to take part in the series you can find out more here.
Haha! Yes, it’s awful. It’s just awful. Even worse with two toddlers. My kids don’t walk as much as they should! Not that wrestling them into the pushchair goes any better! #FridayFrolics
Feel your pain. Took my 21 month old for a small stroll this morning, she insisted on bringing her baby pram too – resulted in me coming back 15 minutes later trying to carry a toddler, toy trolley, 16 leaves and a pair of wellies. Ahhh! #fridayfrolics
Walking anywhere with Amelia is a complete nightmare. Just earlier I tried to get her to walk about 5 yards from one shop to the other and I ended up dragging her half the way then carrying her the other half whilst she tried to throw herself backwards out of my arms.. this is why I invested in a double buggy! Haha #FridayFrolics
They are now 6 and 8, and, it’s still, kind of, just like this. Yes, really.
I am RIGHT there with you!
Haha, been there many times! When we lived in the UK we lived ‘walking distance’ to the local shop. How many times did I stupidly embark on taking my toddler on foot??? Everytime, I thought to myself ‘She’s old enough now, it won’t take that long…’ hahaha. #FridayFrolics
Haha yep!! Same here!! And every single time I find myself cursing myself for not taking the pram or just staying at home!! I end up buying loads of chocolate because I’m so stressed out, that’s my excuse anyway! #fridayfrolics
That’s funny and adorable. Two of my favourite thngs. #FridayFrolics
What is wrong with us…I makecthe same mistake every time! I found myself saying ‘right kids let’s go for a walk’ and then I have to slap myself because I forget how hideous going for a walk with a 4 yr old, 3yr old and 2 yr old is!!! Very funny post xx #Fridayfrolics
Oh the toddler walks of doom! They are no fun, I hate the picking up of everything. Youngest even stuck her finger in a blue splodge thing on the pavement the other day. Come to think of it…that explains the constant stomach bugs! #FridayFrolics
Love this! I read this the first time round and it had me howling with laughter! #FridayFrolics
Ha ha, this resonated with me as we are now entering into the toddling/walking phase where it takes half an hour to get from one side of the lounge to the other – and our lounge is really not that big #fridayfrolics
Every single time. Every single time it’s like that (still like it at 5 btw…good luck) #fridayfrolics
Noooo! I can’t handle it for three more years…
Sounds like hell. Thank goodness Tesco offer free fruit to kids now. I just ply my daughter with bananas and tangerines the whole way round!
You need the patience of a saint and the Beckham’s bank account. I certainly feel your pain 🙂 Alison x #FridayFrolics
Sounds like every one of our quick trips to the shops / park! Always seems like a good idea at the time!! #FridayFrolics
So true. So many things seem like great time as and we quickly realised how wrong we were and how bundling them in the pushchair where they’re restrained would have been much easier! #fridayfrolics
When mine were younger, every shopping trip was like that. I switched to Internet shopping in the end. Great post. X #fridayfrolics
This is like so many trips to the shops with my toddler! Why do we think we can just ‘pop out’? And I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve said, if we just take it without paying for it, it’s theft.
Sadly for blog purposes my kids are ridiculously easy and compliant (so why do I yell all the time?) and were even as toddlers. Friends can’t believe i used to take all 3 shopping with me. I say sadly because I can never write hilarious posts such as this about children which is a pain when you’re a mum blogger. Loved this and love Suzanne’s blog which I only discovered a few weeks ago.
Thank you. Maybe I should be more grateful for my stubborn awkward child – it certainly makes blogging easier!
we go for a lot of walks around the neighborhood. It used to take about an hour for every 100 yards because every rock and leaf needed to be investigated before we could continue on
Thanks for featuring me. I still never learn!