A Guest Post by Mother Teacher Traveller
The series all about the parenting fails and rookie mistakes that prove there really is no manual for this job.
This weeks Rookie Mistake is from Alison who blogs at Mother Teacher Traveller. Alison details some of her rookie mistakes, that her husband found very amusing. I laughed so hard at number 4 (Sorry Alison).
Times my Husband Shouldn’t Have Laughed
Being first time parents was exciting for both of us, to say the least. My clucky husband was busting at the seams to meet the new addition to our family and although he is an incredibly supportive, new age dad there are some times when he just should not have laughed at me in my fragile, emotional (perhaps slightly irrational) state.
1# Birthing class comedian
We (I) enrolled in the local hospital antenatal classes, 2 hours a week for 6 weeks. I was looking forward to my husband and I learning about the birthing process, the new born realities and making friends with other couples. Good intentions turned into a bit of a comedy act really. He wasn’t necessarily laughing at the speakers or what they said but he would contribute and muster comic relief for the other Dads about the videos, techniques and objects we had to pass around. The other Dads (and some mums) appreciated his humour and even joined in on the laugh fest. By the final week when we were practising massage and pressure releasing movements, the room was filled with serene meditative music, cuddling couples with their eyes closed and us – in contrast we were in such a fit of quiet giggles (mostly because neither of us could even get close to the most basic yoga pose) I nearly wet my pants.
2# Tears are not funny
Now this one is a bit more serious because I remember vividly being distressed, tired and crying while my husband laughed at me and said “You are not rational” both during and after pregnancy. Whether it be over a towel on the floor, unforeseen work hours or a blow-up air mattress (that was my biggest outburst of all!) the correct response is not to laugh! Hug your wife, tell her you understand even if you don’t and do what you can to make her feel better.
3# Green apple splatter
When my son was 4 weeks old we went on a road trip to San Francisco with family. It was his second trip since he was born and I thought I was starting to get the hang of it all. One evening before bed I was changing his dirty nappy on one bed while my husband relaxed on the other bed. Strange because he changed lots of nappies in those days. Just as I lifted my son’s legs to wipe his bottom, he let go of a powerful eruption of gas and apple-green poo, strategically splattered towards me and the wall behind me. The wall (and my front) looked like a Jackson Pollock original. Of course, I was horrified, crying and as I reached for the towels, my son and my mouth my husband dropped to the ground laughing. He fell off the bed laughing and left me to deal with the mess until he recovered. Obviously I cried and jumped in the shower while he cleaned up the mess. Now he relives the story by saying the funniest bit was the pattern of my clean silhouette left on the wall.
4# RUN mum RUN
On the same trip to San Francisco I decided to leave the boys on their own while I went for a walk with my niece and sister-in-law. Baby was fed, asleep and I was only going to be half an hour or so. It was a gorgeous day and I was enjoying the freedom. We made it from Fisherman’s Wharf to the Ghirardelli Chocolate shop before I got a frantic phone call from my husband with a loud, screaming baby in the background. I asked what was wrong and he said he’d been like that for ten minutes so come back. The mother instinct kicked in quickly so I decided it would be best for me to run back to the hotel. At 4 weeks post-partum I must have still had a bit of baby brain because (TMI warning) every running step I took, a little bit more pee came out. I was not prepared for my lack of bladder control nor my ability to stop running when my baby needed me. By the time I got back to the hotel I was sweaty, I had wet my pants enough that I needed a shower and I sat on a towel to feed my screaming baby. Guess what my husband did? Actually I don’t think he laughed until I was out of the shower… but not a laughing matter!
5# Grassy green patch
Warning- this may be another poo story. The final memorable “Rookie Mistake” was when I was going away for my first night without baby. I had to meet my husband at a fancy event he was working at. I turned up with instructions for my husband, every item he could ever need in two baby bags (just to get home) and enough pumped milk to feed my son and the baby next door. I arrived with a stroller and car seat in one. Picked up my son to hand him over when I saw it. From his lower back to his neck was the beginnings of a watercolour, grassy, green patch getting bigger as I held him. Retreat, retreat! Since my husband was wearing a suit – I took off to the nearest busy bathroom with the change table right in the middle of everyone. Perfect! It was my first mission impossible change. I used so many wipes I ran out and there was still poo all over him and the change mat. If the smell wasn’t sending people out of the bathroom they would peek over and say hi to his cute face and catch an unexpected glance of this green disaster. His little tracksuit, onsie or socks were so far gone I left them in the bin. It still has me puzzled how a baby can make so much poo that looks like he eats grass when all he drinks is milk! My husband laughed.
There are times when I have appreciated my husband laughing and I often join in with him. Its a little bit of light during my most serious days. Who would have thought we would make it, 20 months on, still laughing at this unexpected chain of events they call parenthood. The only difference we have these days is now its my son AND my husband laughing!
Alison Mercer is a Mother, Teacher and Traveller. She is founder of the blog http://www.motherteachertraveller.com
You can read previous guest posts from the Rookie Mistakes series here.
If you are a blogger and wish to take part in the series you can find out more here.
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