A Guest Post by Mummy Muckups
As parents we make many rookie mistakes. These mistakes can leave us sobbing like a baby, pulling our hair out in frustration, or longing for the ground to open up and swallow us.
Eventually after enough time has passed we stop rocking in the corner, we are able to laugh about them. This series is dedicated to the honest parents who admit they
sometimes often get it wrong. After all, I have yet to meet a Pintrest perfect parent in the actual flesh.
Every Wednesday I feature a post from a fantastic guest blogger about their funny and insightful parenting fails.
This weeks guest post comes from Anna who blogs at Mummy Muckups. If like me the mere thought of taking your small people swimming leaves you feeling exhausted, you will relate to Anna’s story…
Bathers and Baginas
But it had never dawned on me to bring one to the swimming pool. I saw another mum brushing her daughter’s hair and actually stared in awe at the simplicity of such a brilliant idea. I consider it a good day if I remember nappies/undies for us all.
And so I share with you my stunning level of expertise on tackling the change rooms after swimming lessons.
I have kept my daughter afloat whilst watching my son desperately fiddle with his goggles for 30 minutes and now it is time to hit the change rooms. Sounds simple enough? Wrong.
Picture this (though not too hard, please); myself, my three year old and my one year old in the stroller…she has clearly been strapped in by a nasty, unreasonable mother against her will and she is making sure everyone knows about it. We are dripping wet and freezing and already hitting our first hurdle trying to negotiate the ridiculously heavy door just to get inside. The exciting news, possibly the highlight of my day (oh yes; it has really come to that), is that my three year old can finally hold the door open. He can hold it open and I can push the stroller in; smack bang into the ‘private change room’ of the Water Aerobics for Seniors ladies. Boobs, bottoms and bits are swinging around everywhere; they are excitedly chatting away to each other whilst they rinse their bathers nude at the sinks. Glad wrap swim caps are being folded away as my little boys eyes blink wide.
Please don’t say anything…please don’t say anything… I silently plead…But wow – he is only three and even I don’t know where to look…
“Mummy; look! She has a ba-gina just like you!”
Nah…didn’t hear it. Not a thing.
Time to focus. Bathers. So my strategy and skill set is developing each week. The kids are getting older. I can sit them both up on the bench and tackle each… youngest to oldest.
“Look Mummy! She has big boobies like you.”
Nah…keep focused on stripping daughter. Wriggling and wet, she is a force. I am trying to keep it together.
Then I hear that wonderful, patient Mummy, who has even taken on showering her child. Polite exchanges; calm, nurturing and even educational. Bet she has even prepared a sliced fruit snack carefully sealed in a Tupperware container…possibly alongside some homemade hummus and carrot slices, all ready for after the shower.
“Sit down!!” I urgently beg my 1 year old, “You’ll fall!”
And yes; off she tumbles, slightly cushioned by my quick acting foot reflex, averting any serious damage. My eyes sneak sideways furtively…who saw? Yep: patient, carrot sticks mummy is now out of the shower, casting smug, disapproving looks my way. Keep going, Anna…keep going.
And now the undies tangle!! It’s hard enough negotiating this hurdle alone; let alone adding two wet and whingeing kids. Wet skin and undies is like oil and water; they are cold, I am cold and I am not even close to the finish line. And joy of joys, here come the Primary School kids in to change after their lesson. My dull headache begins to boom in time to their happy shrieks.
“Oh look, Mummy! She is nice and fat like Augustus Gloop!”
Hmmm…. will deal with that in the car.
And now it’s my turn – goose-bumps and blue lips by now and fingers that simply won’t work. I try wiggling my bathers off under my towel…and down it goes. Boobs and bum flashing everywhere. And you know what?? I could madly scramble for my towel, but maybe the Water Aerobics Nanna’s have it right. Why fight it? We’ve all got the same bits, right? I decide to embrace it.
My daughter sqwuaks, “Bottom, mummy, bottom!”
“You have nice big jocks, Mummy,” my son shouts. “And the top of your legs are lovely and wobbly,” he adds, just in case I haven’t copped the jibe about having big knickers…
Whatever. I actually dry myself properly and get my gear on.
Done; swimming done for another week.
And it’s only 10am
What a thrill to actually be here at Rookie Mistakes; doesn’t matter how fast my kids are growing up, every day can be a challenge…from wiping little bottoms to rationing out the biscuits. I am an Australian blogger, sharing my sparkling highs and challenging lows as a mum to two ‘spirited’ kids and wife to lycra legs Husband. I write the truth as I see it through sleep deprived eyes and a heart full of love. So I am excited to be able to share here with you one of my favourite blog pieces…really hope you like it. Huge thank you to Claire for having me along…oh…and a special mention must also go to sparkling wine…and crispy bacon…and salted caramel…who have provided me with unfailing support in my journey thus far.
So apart from not realising that swim nappies do not actually hold in the wee (everyone makes that mistake, right?) have you made any rookie errors when it comes to swimming with the little ones?
You can read previous guest posts from the Rookie Mistakes series here.
If you are a blogger and wish to take part in the series you can find out more here.
To receive a weekly newsletter with posts from me, including the Rookie Mistakes series, subscribe here:
If you like this post please share it on your favourite social media. It makes me do happy dances.
For more from Life, Love and Dirty Dishes follow my social networks.
I’ve shared this post on some of these fab linkys…