Rookie Mistakes is a series where guest bloggers divulge their parenting fails, and make us laugh or inspire us in the process.
This weeks guest post comes from Tori who blogs at The Adultier Adult. I love the premise of Tori’s blog:
“The horrifying moment when you are looking for an adult but then you realize you are an adult. So you look for an older adult. Someone successfully adulting. The Adultier Adult.”
Haven’t we all been there! In this post, Tori gives us her list of rookie mistakes. It’s a list I could have done with reading about 6 years ago as it is safe to say I have achieved all of these fails myself!
Bio: Happily married mother blogging about the highs and lows of life with a husband, a toddler, a baby and two demanding cats. Contains far too many references to gravity defying baby poo and not enough time devoted to consumption of chocolate!
10 Parenting Mistakes You Will Only Make Once
I’ve said it before but being a parent is a learning experience. I feel like I’ve been on a huge learning curve since I first found out I was carrying the Toddler back in 2013. I’ve made a ton of mistakes but I have learnt from them. I also know I’m not the only parent out there who has made these mistakes. Here is my list of parenting mistakes you only ever make once:
1) Playing with the baby a little too exuberantly after they have eaten.
I remember holding The Toddler (then only about seven months old) above my head so she was looking down at me.
I was pulling faces at her and she was smiling. I opened my mouth wide and that was when she threw up the puree I had fed her a little while before. Straight into my open mouth. Even worse, it was prune puree! My wonderful, loving husband was no help as he was laughing so hard he couldn’t stand.
I was pulling faces at her and she was smiling. I opened my mouth wide and that was when she threw up the puree I had fed her a little while before. Straight into my open mouth. Even worse, it was prune puree! My wonderful, loving husband was no help as he was laughing so hard he couldn’t stand.
2) Leaving the house without the changing bag
You’re only popping to the local shop, you’ll only be out for a few minutes. It’s not worth lugging the changing bag (also known as the “everything they took to Everest” bag) when you’ll be home right after. Baby will have a full on poonami explosion that will go through all layers of clothes and all over the pram. The Toddler will find this fascinating and will want to explore this event. Do you know how Toddler’s “explore” the world? With their hands! So you have a Toddler with yellow baby poo all over her hands and the wet wipes are in the changing bag. You also have a baby that is possibly drowning in her own poo and clean clothes and nappies are IN THE CHANGING BAG. Which you left at home. You moron!
3) Shaking a bottle of Calpol without checking the lid is fastened
That stuff is beyond sticky, even wet wipes don’t seem to quite cut it if it gets all over you. Oh, and it stains.
4) Believing the potty training Toddler when they say they don’t need the potty
Actually, I’m guilty of doing this in reverse. I took The Toddler out to a local cafe while we were potty training. She had eaten her lunch and was bored of allowing me to eat mine (one handed while feeding The Baby).
“Wee wee” she tells me so I quickly carry her downstairs, plonk her on the toilet and wait. Nothing.“Okay, good try”, back upstairs to my quickly congealing panini. Pick it up and….
“Wee wee”.
Okay, back downstairs, knickers down, hold on toilet and nothing.
Back upstairs again.
Six times we did this scenario. Six times of carrying her downstairs, balancing her on an adult toilet while kneeling in front of her trying to hold her safely (and listening to my knees cracking). NOTHING. Take her back upstairs, sit down again when….
“Wee wee”
“No! We’ve been down there six times, you’re just playing around. You don’t need a wee wee at all.”
This is when she promptly wees all over the cushion, chair and floor and you find yourself mentally crossing this particular cafe off your visiting list ever again.
5) Letting your Toddler play with your phone without installing an app lock
I completely underestimated The Toddler when it came to playing with my phone. How was I to know she was a technological genius and that by the end of the session she would have bid for something on Ebay (price inputted: £17145) and sent a laughing emoji to my friend who had just text to tell me her Grandfather had died? She also deleted half my apps and took 16 photos of the floor and half her leg.
6) Poking your sleeping baby to make sure they are breathing
Not only are they breathing but they have a seriously impressive lung capacity which they will demonstrate for the next forty minutes at ever increasing volume.
7) Letting The Baby play with your house keys
Babies love keys. I have no idea why. You can buy them all the plastic toy keys in the world; they won’t touch them. They want YOUR keys. So, you let them “hold onto” them for a few minutes while you do something else like change the Toddler. You will NEVER SEE THOSE KEYS AGAIN. When you come back into the room they will have vanished and you will turn the house upside down looking for them. You will find them the minute the locksmith leaves the house having changed all the locks.
8) Forgetting how literal Toddlers can be
This is a story from when I was a child. I was about three or four. We had a goldfish called Toby which unfortunately died (like goldfish always do!). My Dad flushed him down the toilet and when I asked why. he told me the toilet was fishy heaven and that was where all fish end up.
I pooed in the garden for three days before my Mum caught me at it. When she demanded to know why I was pooing in the garden, I tearfully explained that I didn’t want my poo to pollute fishy heaven. Using Toddler logic, wee was okay because it was liquid but I didn’t want the poor fish to have to wear hard hats and walk around with “caution: falling objects” signs displayed on their little fishy heaven castles. My poor Dad really copped it for that one from my Mum!
9) Not putting the puzzle pieces back when you find them
If you come across a part or piece of a game and you know where it goes, put it back in the box. Do not chuck it into the toybox or put it somewhere else as they will never, ever be reunited ever again. It’s like socks and the tumble dryer (or as I like to call it, “The Divorcer!” They go in as a pair but come out single).
10) Talking
to your mate while measuring formula
You think counting to six would be easy, right? However, the second you are distracted you doubt yourself. Was that four or five scoops? It was four, I’m sure it was four. No, wait. Maybe it was five. Was it six? What if it’s too weak or too strong? Oh God. I can’t risk it. Better start again. If your friend distracts you a second time it is perfectly legal to force feed them the formula and it really doesn’t matter how it enters the body!
You can follow Tori’s blog, The Adultier Adult on facebook and twitter.
What’s your most epic rookie mistake?
You can read previous guest posts from the Rookie Mistakes series here.
If you are a blogger and wish to take part in the series you can find out more here.
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Oh exactly ! Thank you very much for reminding us. I’ve already make some mistakes above and their results seem so bad. I see some kids are addicted to mobile phone. So avoid allowing them to play with mobile phone.
Everything they took to Everest!! Priceless. Was never guilty of the phone thing because I’m possibly the only mother alive who never gave her phone to her kids to play with for various reasons but yep the keys, for sure. The Divorcer. OMG the coming out single bit; I nearly hurt myself laughing and YES with ruddy knobs on for the losing count over the formula measuring. Three kids and yes, every. single. time.
Absolutely hilarious! I love Tori, and this is no exception! Some great slip ups there lovely! And yes, yes yes! xx
Calpol is the worst to get out! We have drops of it all over the landing carpet thanks to one screaming baby… And the sick. *shudder* Marianna only has to look like she might burp and I have to put space between us. The memory is too vivid! 🙂 #fridayfrolics
Totally yes to #9…my whole house is a puzzle as we search for random pieces on a regular basis. I am super at shoving things away to tidy up ‘later’. Also the keys!!!! These have also disappeared with said puzzle pieces. Nice one. #FridayFrolics
I love Tori’s posts. I can pretty much guarantee that every mum has done 90% of these things. Us mums sure are dumb asses #friday frolics
This is fab, I love Tori’s blog. Thanks for linking up to #thelist x
Ahahaha, I’m SO with Tori on the keys front. When Luke was a baby I let him play with my house keys…they vanished, obviously. 2 and a half years later and I still haven’t found them! I have the delight of potty training to look forward in the next coming weeks. 😉 Ray xx #BrillBlogPosts
I’m so sorry, I can sometimes have a very dark sense of humour, and I have to say number 5 made me LOL, really hard…! And 9, yes, that’s happened to every, single puzzle in our house…!! And 1 and 10 were daily parts of my routine!! Great list!!
#FridayFrolics
Haha yep, done all of these and five children later, still do! Great post, thanks for sharing! #fridayfrolics
I’ve done all of these at least a handful of times! I never learn. Fab post!
That list is so funny! I think I have done all of them with my first and second…learnt by my third but still did the calpol one and phone one…oh and the formula one! WAIT did I say I learnt from the others?! #fail Great post…I came via #thelist linky
Hilarious post, I love it! I’m not even a parent and I’ve done the Calpol one, not something I would like to repeat! #brilliantblogposts
Debbie
The Adultier Adult has only left the house once without the chnaging bag? Man, I did that so many times! Cringing about the vomit thing. That was unfortunate.