Sticks and stones my break my bones but names will never hurt me.
Only they do hurt me. And they wound me far more than sticks and stones ever could. Because long after the marks from the sticks and stones have healed, the scars from the words you said will always be there.
I think there are two types of people in this world. Those who can simply ignore unhelpful and unkind comments from other people, and not let it effect them in any way, and those who can’t. I guess simplistically it’s people with a thick skin or people who are very sensitive.
I admire the people who have the confidence and ability to ‘shake it off’ as Taylor herself would say. I wish I could be like that. There’s a scene in Pretty Woman where Richard Gere tells the stunningly beautiful Julia Roberts how special she is, and she tells him “The bad stuff is easier to believe.” Why is that?
Why is it that someone who knows me and who loves me, can tell me everyday that they think I am amazing, clever, funny, kind and beautiful, and I can never believe it? Yet a complete stranger who has never met me before and whom I will never see again, can make a throw away comment and it will crush me and stay with me?
In any other area of my life I couldn’t care less what other people think. I am not a ‘grass is always greener’ kind of person. I don’t do jealousy. I never want things just because someone else has them. I work hard for what I want and I am proud of my achievements. If someone didn’t like the car I drove I wouldn’t care. I’m not the kind of person to judge someone by the car the drive, or indeed what size they are. So why do I automatically assume other people judge me by the way I look?
I can pinpoint exact moments in my life, where something someone has said has defined the way I think, or had a huge negative impact on my confidence.
The first time I remember becoming aware of the way I looked was when I was 8 years old. I went on holiday with a friend and her family. I was in no way overweight. My friend’s dad was talking about all the walking we had done and made a comment about my “stumpy little legs have never walked so far.” I couldn’t understand why he would think that. My family had a dog and we were always walking him over the forest. I remember his remark making me feel uncomfortable and upset, although at 8 years old I had no understanding of what he was implying. I have always hated my “stumpy little legs”.
At senior school I was bullied by a boy in my tutor group. He was so horrible. I can’t even bring myself to type his name. Again, at this point in my life I wasn’t over weight, but he used to sing a song about me that he had made up that referred to me being fat. Despite his efforts, I still loved school, and I don’t think I have ever felt as confident as I did when I was 15 years old. Maybe that’s because we think we’re invincible as teenagers. But what his song did do, was start my obsession with comparing the way I looked to other people. And because of that song, in my comparisons I always came out worse.
This was the same age that I had a routine health check. Now there are two things in life I am never going to be. The first is tall. I am 4ft nothing. The second is straight up and down. No matter what size I have been, I have always had big boobs and hips. Both of these things attribute to the fact that a ‘healthy BMI’ for me is insane. My height isn’t eve on the adult BMI scale! During my routine health check at 15 years old the nurse told me very bluntly that I as overweight. I was a size 10! I had a figure back then that I would kill for now! It’s one thing to be overweight on a chart, but quite another to look at a person and see that they are not. I need to say it again, I was a size 10! Through my adult eyes I can look back and be angry at that nurse, and actually I think she was completely irresponsible and showed no common sense. But back then, I was simply crushed. I wasn’t good enough.
But not all hurtful comments come from strangers. After loosing a lot of weight before having my first son, one of the most hurtful comments ever made about me came from a relative. In a room full of people, and in front of me, they asked my husband if he loved me more now I was slim. Now full credit to my amazing husband who replied that he loved me for who I was, and he always thinks I’m beautiful no matter what dress size I happen to be, but ouch! What did that question even mean? Am I really only worthy of love if I look a certain way?
People say thoughtless things. People say horrible things. But people also say really nice things. And if I want my confidence to grow I need to change the way I think. I need to listen to the nice things, and channel my inner Taylor when it comes to the negative things and ‘shake it off’ and stop letting them define me.
I need to develop that thick skin.
Loving Me is a weekly weight loss series following the LighterLife Fast plan.
My Weight Loss Diary
What is LighterLife Fast?
LighterLife Fast is based on the 5:2 diet concept. You eat healthily for 5 days and then fast for 2 days on restricted calories. On the fast days you eat 4 of the LighterLife Fast food packs. These food packs give you 100% of your daily nutrition.
So last weeks illness tuned out to be bronchitis. I’ve been on antibiotics and steroids and been feeling pretty horrible.
I did the same as last week and fasted on Monday and Tuesday. I’m really enjoying the bars and I tried a premixed shake which was really nice and very filling.
On my non fasting days I’ve eaten healthy meals and snacked on fruit. This week I’ve made a spicy Jambalaya, a beef madras, and chicken wrapped in bacon and stuffed with low fat cream cheese and served with a Greek salad. I’ve resisted all temptation of chocolate, crisps and other junk.
Week Two Weight Loss:
I maintained this week. I stuck to the plan and have been eating healthily, so although I’m disappointed, I’m putting it down to the fact that I’ve been on antibiotics and steroids this week and my body hasn’t really known which way is up! I’m feeling much better today and finished my course of medication so I hope this will reflect on the scales next week.
Total Weight loss = 8lbs
You can read other posts from the Loving Me series here:
Come back next week for part three and a more lighthearted post about the sods laws of dieting.
This is a collaborative post.
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