The conversation you should be having with your child this Christmas

Dear Parents,

I love Christmas. I always have. I have always been the kid who was giddy with excitement, who found it impossible to sleep on Christmas eve. I was like it at 5, I was like it at 15, and I’m still like it now at 45.

I was never told that Father Christmas wasn’t real. I just sort of accepted that we left Whiskey for Father Christmas and that my best Friend left Vodka. Some people had presents under their tree in the run up to Christmas, where as there was nothing under ours until we came down on Christmas morning. People did Christmas differntly. Different traditions and rituals. All of them magical.

When I was 4 I got upset after opening my presents. Despite getting everything I wanted from Father Christmas and more. I was upset because I had presents from my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, but my Mum and Dad hadn’t got me anything! My parents always ensured not all gifts came from Father Christmas after that! I remember commenting one year that Father Christmas had the same handwriting as Daddy. For years after that my Mum always got our next door neighbour to write the gift tags! I love that they worked so hard to keep the magic alive for me.

I discovered the truth when I was 9. I read it in a book. Superfudge by Judy Blume. I had a little brother so it was easy to keep pretending. But I never once asked my parents. Probably because I didn’t want to break the spell. I still so very much wanted to believe. My brother carried on believing for years. He came home from school one day upset because someone at school had told him Father Christmas didn’t exist. My Mum told him that Christmas magic was real. And if you believed in Christmas magic, then there wasn’t any reason not to believe in Father Christmas.

I really believe in Christmas magic. I see it in twinkly lights. I feel it at the Christmas markets when people are just that bit kinder to one another and smile more. I get a warm fuzzy glow from being wrapped in hats and scarves drinking hot chocolate. I cry every time the salvation army band plays. It’s a bit like the opening lines from Love Actually…

“General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there…. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling love, actually is all around”.

That’s how I feel about Christmas magic. You just have to look for it.

I know that Christmas can be busy and stressful and there’s a whole pile of crap that needs to be done. I get that for some people it’s lonely and difficult. After difficult years I have had to look hard for the magic, and there was one horrible year when I didn’t find it at all. Personally with all the bad things going on in the world right now, I think we all need some Christmas magic.

My kids are now 10 and 15. The big one has never asked me if Father Christmas is real. We have this sort of unspoken awareness that he knows it’s not real. We know he knows it’s not real. And he knows that we know that he knows it’s not real!!! We thought last year might be little’s last year as a believer. But he still very much believes and I am embracing it for as long as I can. Yesterday a kid told him that Father Christmas wasn’t real and laughed and made fun of him for believing. When he was telling me about it I thought this is it, this is the end. But instead he told me that he knew Father Christmas was real because he has met him. So I told him what my Mum told me. That I believed in Christmas magic.

Because what is wrong with believing in magic? For looking for the good and the special things? I will always do everything I can to preserve the magic. So yes, even when my kids are grown up and possibly have their own kids, they will still receive a gift from Father Christmas. Just like I still do. Because it’s a little piece of magic. A little something to believe in.

I know some parents tell their children Father Christmas isn’t real when they reach a certain age, or when the time feels right. I know some parents tell their children Father Christmas isn’t real from the start. And that is our rights as parents to do what we feel is right for our kids. It is not my place or anyone elses to tell you what you should tell your child about Father Christmas.

But.

I do feel there is a conversation that you should be having if your child doesn’t believe in Father Christmas. There comes a responsibility with that knowledge. And shouting it in the school playground for kids of all ages to hear is unkind. I know we can’t control what our kids are going to do with the truth, but we should be explaining to them that it is not nice if they ruin the magic for other people. Do everything you can so that your kid is not that kid. Don’t let them be the one to steal someone elses magic.

Love,

A Believer

You might also like…