Who would pick the kids up? What would people at the school gate think? What if someone decided I wasn’t a good enough mum?
For mothers who are worried about their drinking or drug use, these questions can feel bigger than the problem itself. So the worry gets pushed down, the habit carries on, and getting help stays on the “one day” list. If any of that sounds familiar, you’re far from alone, and it doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you a parent juggling an awful lot.
Source: https://depositphotos.com/photo/drunk-woman-lying-sofa-glass-wine-bottles-floor-table-426842346.html
The barriers are real
Researchers and health agencies have known for years that women, and mothers in particular, face extra hurdles when it comes to getting help.
A guide on women’s substance use treatment from SAMHSA, the US government agency for substance use and mental health, describes being responsible for children as one of the biggest barriers to women entering treatment. It also highlights other obstacles that come up again and again:
Fear of losing custody. Many mothers worry that admitting a problem could put their children at risk of being taken away.
Stigma. The same guide notes that women tend to be more stigmatised for alcohol and drug use than men.
Guilt and shame. Feelings about the drinking or drug use itself, and about how it might have affected the family, can make it very hard to speak up.
Practical problems. Getting to appointments, paying for transport and finding time all add up, especially for mums on a tight budget.
More recent research backs this up. A 2024 study in the journal Women’s Health, which interviewed women receiving treatment for opioid use in Pennsylvania along with the professionals who support them, found that unstable childcare and fear of losing custody were major barriers. Professionals also described mothers putting their children’s needs ahead of their own and delaying treatment as a result. The study points out that only 5.5% of US substance use treatment facilities provide childcare.
The research comes from the US, but the worries it describes will sound familiar to many mums in the UK too.
Putting your own needs last
That last point is worth sitting with. So many of us are used to coming last on our own list. We’ll book the kids’ dentist appointments, remember the PE kit and sort the birthday presents, but our own health gets pushed back again and again.
When the issue is drinking or drug use, that habit of self-sacrifice can be risky. Problems that are left alone often grow. And children generally do better when the adults caring for them are getting the support they need.
What can make it easier
Help doesn’t have to mean disappearing from family life for weeks. The SAMHSA guide notes that programmes offering flexible attendance, easy access and services that fit around home life are especially well suited to women, particularly those who are the main carers for their children.
Some things that can make the first step feel more manageable:
Start with your GP. A conversation with your doctor is confidential, and it’s a far smaller step than it might feel. They can talk through options and refer you to local services.
Ask about flexible options. Many services offer appointments at different times of day, phone or video sessions, and support you can access while living at home.
Line up practical help. A trusted friend, partner or relative who can cover school runs or bedtime for a few hours a week can make regular appointments possible.
Be honest about your worries. If you’re scared about how getting help might affect your family, say so. Professionals hear this often, and it’s better to talk it through than to stay stuck.
Look for parent-friendly support. Some groups and services are designed with mums in mind, including those with children present or online meetings you can join after bedtime.
Treatment that fits around family life
Not everyone needs to go away for treatment. Outpatient programmes, where you attend sessions and go home afterwards, are the most common form of care. The SAMHSA guide notes they suit people with less severe problems and good support at home, though more intensive outpatient options work best for mums when childcare and transport are sorted.
Services are increasingly building their schedules around real life. In the US, for example, one Maine provider offers intensive outpatient care with morning, afternoon and evening sessions and a virtual option, so people can keep up with work and family while they get support. In the UK, your GP or local drug and alcohol service can explain what’s available near you.
If you’re worried right now
If you’re drinking heavily every day, don’t stop suddenly without medical advice, as withdrawal can be dangerous. Your GP is the best first port of call.
Drinkline, the national alcohol helpline, is free on 0300 123 1110. Samaritans can be called free, day or night, on 116 123. If you or your children are ever in immediate danger, call 999.
Asking for help is part of looking after them
It’s easy to believe that admitting you’re struggling means letting your family down. In reality, getting support is one of the most caring things you can do for them, and for yourself. You deserve the same patience and care you give everyone else.
Sources
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. Substance Abuse Treatment: Addressing the Specific Needs of Women, TIP 51, Chapter 5: Treatment Engagement, Placement, and Planning (2009; via NCBI Bookshelf). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/books/NBK83238/
- Apsley HB, Brant K, Brothers S, et al. Pregnancy- and parenting-related barriers to receiving medication for opioid use disorder. Women’s Health, 2024. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/17455057231224181
- Derbyshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust. Drinkline – national alcohol helpline (checked October 2026). https://www.derbyshirehealthcareft.nhs.uk/getting-help/community-support-near-you-infolink/drinkline-national-alcohol-helpline
- Samaritans. Homepage (116 123, free, day or night; checked October 2026). https://www.samaritans.org
- Coastal Recovery Partners. About us (client page; read November 2026). https://www.coastalrecoverymaine.com/about-us
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