An interview with author Natalie Brown

Natalie is a friend and fellow blogger. I first got to Natalie through her blog Confessions of a Crummy Mummy. Straight away the warmth and honesty of her writing hooked me and I knew she was my kind of person.

Natalie is Mum to four gorgeous kids, but has just birthed her fifth baby; her very own published book, Confessions of a Crummy Mummy – The Baby Years. A tell it how it is memoir of that first year, including giving birth when the country is in lockdown due to a global pandemic. Now if anyone has been there, and done that, and got the poo stained t-shirt, it’s a mum of 4!

Natalie’s book is everything I expect from her, warm, honest and full of humour. My kids are way past the baby stage, but I loved the walk back down memory lane. This book is for all parents, the initiated and the uninitiated.

I want everyone to read this book because Natalie is my friend, but also because it’s brilliant. Natalie and I had a chat about parenting, pandemics and poo…

I love the tell all theme of the book.  What for you was the single most unexpected thing about having a baby and the subsequent parenting of that baby?

I think it has to be the sleep deprivation – and the washing. They really don’t warn you about either of those things at ante-natal classes! I breastfed each of our four and none of them would take a bottle so it was down to me to do the feeding, whatever time of the day and night. Being the only person who can feed the baby is a big responsibility that I think only another mama can appreciate, which is something I touch on in the book. I also didn’t appreciate quite how cumulative sleep deprivation is, and that it’s basically impossible to catch up on the lost sleep of motherhood!

I remember crying because we couldn’t get my first to take a bottle and I was exhausted. Then three days later when he finally did, I cried because he didn’t need me anymore! The constant conflict of motherhood.

What is the best and the worst advice you were given about babies?

The best advice I’ve ever been given has to be to trust your instincts. Even if you’ve never been a mum before and it’s your first time your baby is still your baby and only you know what’s right for them – and for you. If something doesn’t feel right then it probably isn’t. The worst advice I’ve ever been given probably involves breastfeeding and the notion that you shouldn’t feed your baby to sleep. If you shouldn’t breastfeed a baby to sleep then why does breast milk contain sleep-inducing hormones?!

My first didn’t have a dummy, and someone once told me my baby was crying because they were jealous that her baby had a dummy. I mean, I can’t even respond to that!

What stage of parenting do you find the hardest?

The wiping! I hate wiping, yet I seem to do it all day, every day, and things still need more wiping! Of course, having four children probably has a lot to do with it.

Ahh yes the milestone when you kid can wipe their own bum. That’s a good one. I used the think I found the toddler years the hardest. Now my twelve year old is making me think it’s going to be the teenage years!

Have you had a day (outside of lockdown) where you look back now and think, if we got through that day as parents, we can get through anything?

That’s a good question! I tend to think that pretty much every time we step outside the door en masse! We always seem to end up turning into THAT family, and in fact there’s a whole chapter in the book on it. Mum fails range from watching helplessly as the kids fight over an errant dough ball on a restaurant floor to the day we turned a garden igloo into a dutch oven. All is revealed in the book!

My barometer is the day Little had a three hour meltdown. There was a play area that he didn’t want to leave, but I had to get back to pick up big. I was carrying him kicking and screaming, but got to the point where my back was screaming and I couldn’t carry him anymore. He carried on with the mother of all meltdowns laid on the pavement of a busy street, with me sat next to him in floods of tears myself.

I don’t even remember how I got him to the car. I know there was a huge battle trying to get a planking child strapped into a car seat and there were a lot more tears. But we survived. I avoided that play area for a long time, and in all honesty it knocked my confidence for a while because I just couldn’t help him break the tantrum. That was definitely one of my toughest parenting days.

I found after my second I had forgotten so much.  Is that still the same after four?

Yes! Each and every time I had completely forgotten what it was like to give birth and have a newborn again – from the morning sickness and the heartburn and the actual birth to being responsible for a tiny human being and having to wash and dress and feed them. The responsibility of keeping them alive is a big deal! I don’t think that changes whether you have one baby or ten.

I forgot that cry they do where they go bright red, don’t breathe and no noise comes out. It’s terrifying. We used to do a quick blow into their face and it would stop them enough to take a breath.

Have you made any rookie mistakes along the way?

Lots! It took me three babies before I worked out the reason why they have those ‘envelope’ shoulders on baby grows is so you can pull them down over their body instead of up over their head when a poonami strikes. Why don’t they tell you this on the packet? That would save a lot of hassle and unnecessary baths and hair washing!

Me too! I learned that one long after they had outgrown their last baby grow.

On the subject of poo, as a mum of 4 you must have dealt with your fair share of poo explosions. What was the worst poonami?

I’ve had my fair share of poo-in-the-fingernails and up the back of the car seat situations but the ultimate mum fail had to be when Misery Guts & I went to the pub for the first time after Violet was born with just Violet. She filled her nappy and I discovered we didn’t have any wipes, nappies or a change of clothes in the nappy bag (you’d think after four babies I’d know better!) Thankfully the pub had baby wipes but we had to take her straight home in no nappy and sat on a muslin in the pushchair!

I think that’s the bit about parenting I wish someone had warned me about. Nappies leak and poo goes up the baby’s back! My worst involved a poo covered baby, a poo covered bouncy chair, a poo covered carpet, and a poo covered me. It was one of those moments where I just wanted my Mum! I literally didn’t know what to clean first.

How do you cope with mum guilt?

I think the fact that you worry about being a good mum means you already are one. Mum guilt is inevitable so I try to embrace it and accept it for what it is before getting on with my day!

I struggle with this one but I’m learning it’s about being kind to yourself.

Any time-saving mum hacks?

Don’t iron. Life is too short to iron. And don’t click on ‘AIBU’ posts on Mumsnet – they’re a rabbit hole and you’ll easily lose a few hours.

In my experience if you have to ask “Am I being unreasonable?”, it normally means you are!

Are your kids similar in personalities, or chalk and cheese?

They are all chalk and cheese. In fact, one thing that always amazes me – and which I also talk about in the book – is how on earth four children brought up in exactly the same way under exactly the same roof can be so different!

Totally. I watched my two eating sausage rolls the other day. One peeled off all the pastry and just ate the sausage, the other just ate the pastry, and it just summed up how different they are.

What are your tips for finding yourself again after becoming a mum?

I don’t know yet – ask me in 10 years’ time!

What do you need to ‘survive’ motherhood?

Wine! Mum friends, and a sense of humour. And Easter egg chocolate (you can’t beat Easter egg chocolate!) Seriously though, I think knowing that we’re all in it together is really important, and you shouldn’t compare yourself to what you see portrayed online and on social media, either. A lot of what we see isn’t real.

Great advice. And Easter egg chocolate IS the best.

What did you miss most when we were in lockdown?

I should say not being able to see friends and family but the truth is being alone. I always wanted a big family but never in a million years did I envisage us all being at home all day every day with no break from each other. There were bad days, very bad days and absolutely terrible days, all of which are revealed in the book! I used to lock myself in the loo just to get a moment’s peace, and even then the kids would bang on the door and ask me what I was doing.

I can totally relate to that. As someone who enjoys their own company and likes time to myself, I found it incredibly hard.

How did Lockdown change your family dynamic?

That’s a really interesting question. With four children there’s a definite pecking order in our house, and that pecking order certainly became more pronounced during lockdown. Because I was on maternity leave during the first lockdown it also fell to me to take on the brunt of the homeschooling and for Misery Guts to earn the money, so we unwittingly emerged from lockdown in nuclear family roles with him the breadwinner and me doing the lion’s share of the unpaid work. And I absolutely hate the fact we were forced into that trap.

Yes, I think women definitely bore the brunt of homeschooling. There were times when I felt if I was any more flexible I would snap. I really hope going forward that this changes things for women asking for flexible working, because I think we have more than proved we can do it, so I would like good reasons for why requests are denied.

Are there any positives you have taken from lockdown?

There are actually lots of lockdown silver linings, and it took writing the book for me to really realise and appreciate that. For example, I didn’t have to say no to visitors and family and friends visiting in order to enjoy the so-called fourth trimester with Violet because the draw bridge was already up. I also didn’t feel as much of a wreck in the postpartum weeks and months because everyone else looked a wreck with their lockdown hair and not being able to visit beauty salons either! Life is definitely slower for us now too – I’ve cut down on the number of after schools clubs and activities so we’re not running around like headless chickens as much.

What books / blogs would you recommend for new and expectant mums, yours of course included!?

As well as your lovely blog which is full of honesty and humour I love Harriet who blogs at Toby and Roo, and I also love Emma aka Brummy Mummy of 2, both of whom strive to tell-it-how-it-is and celebrate perfectly imperfect parenting. I also have both their books and putting mine alongside theirs on my bookshelf was a milestone mummy moment for me! I’m also full of admiration for Anna Whitehouse, aka Mother Pukka, for her efforts in championing flexible working for parents and challenging the motherhood penalty, which is another issue I talk about in my book. I think the more of us there are online and on social media shining a light on the reality of parenting, the better!

Snap! Love all of these. And have all of their books too! I think we could be the founding members of the Brummy Mummy super fan club! It would be my dream to have a book published, but the cherry on top would be if Emma read it! In my head we are friends. I may need a support group rather than a super fan group!!!

Tell us a bit about how the book came about.

I’d been toying with the idea of turning my blog into a book for a few years, but I didn’t feel I had anything different or new to add to what was already out there and I kept letting an inner voice get in the way. Then I finished work to go on my fourth and final maternity leave the day they closed schools and nurseries and we went into Lockdown 1.

Violet was born a month later amid the chaos of lockdown and homeschooling and I realised this was the hook I needed for the book. So I set about coming up with a synopsis and a chapter by chapter breakdown, and when I had that I started writing some sample chapters. With those under my belt I started approaching agents, and about a month after getting an agent I was offered a publishing deal. It wasn’t quite that straightforward and there were lots of ups and downs but that’s how it came about in a nutshell!

Is there a plan for an audio version of Confessions of a Crummy Mummy?

Yes! I will be reading it myself but I haven’t started recording yet and need to get my head around the whole process! In the meantime, you can buy both paperback and ebook versions.

Will there be a second book?

There’s actually going to be three! I have a three-book deal with my publisher: Confessions of a Crummy Mummy – The Baby Years is the first and the plan is to follow that with The Toddler Years and The School Gate Years. There’s just so much they don’t tell you about parenthood, from chickenpox parties to the dreaded nursery teddy bear to sports day and the politics of unwittingly finding yourself Mary’s mum. So watch this space!

Thanks Natalie for the chat, I wish you lots of luck with this book and can’t wait to read the follow ups. I’m so happy for you, it’s an incredible achievement.

Get your copy….

You can get your copy of Natalie’s first book; Confessions of a Crummy Mummy – The Baby years, here (affiliate link).

You can also follow Natalie on Insta at @confessionsofacrummymummy

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