Some people love shoes. For me it’s bags. I love bags. In my life before children I created a beautiful collection of much-loved bags. Sadly these days my beautiful bags rarely see the light of day. Mainly because they are far too small for the amount of small people stuff I carry around with me, but also because these bags are too beautiful for the likes of rouge rice cakes and run-away raisins.
So I have succumbed to the ‘mummy bag’. Why is this a curse? Because one mummy bag is never enough. The curse of the mummy bag is that the bags get bigger and they multiply. And this time I’m not buying more bags because they are pretty and match my shoes. I’m buying them because I actually NEED them!
Katie Holmes image (c) The Mail
In your pregnancy excitement you choose your first mummy bag, otherwise known as the change bag. Maybe it matches your shiny new pram, maybe you’ve gone all out and bought a ‘yummy mummy’ change bag. Which ever one you have, I know that right now you love it. You have lovingly packed it with nappies and spare clothes and you can’t wait to use it. That bag is about to become your new best friend. Don’t EVER leave the house without it, because that’s when shit quite literally happens. And it doesn’t matter how many pockets and ‘places for everything’ it has, when your baby is screaming for its demands to be met, you will never be able to find the supplies you need to meet those demands quick enough.
Once your small person begins eating real food, you won’t be able to leave the house without your mummy bag and its new best friend – the snack bag. This bag will forever be stocked with rice cakes and raisins. And if you are visiting friends who don’t yet have children, don’t forget the travel high chair, the floor mat, the bowls and spoons. Don’t worry though, this visit is usually a one-off. You won’t be invited back!
Congratulations you have entered the potty training stage. No need for that change bag with all the nappies now, right? Wrong. It’s now full of extra clothes for the inevitable accidents. Oh and you are also carrying around a potty, and the weight of the ‘can we get to the toilets or are we doing this right here in the cheese aisle?’ dilemma.
Your small person is a walking talking source of constant entertainment. As adorable as they are they also need a lot more to entertain them these days. Nursery rhymes and peek-a-boo aren’t going to cut it. Bring on the entertainment bag otherwise known as the bag of tricks. Favourite toys, colouring books and crayons, story books and stickers. It’s a bag full of boredom busters, each of which keeps the small person occupied for approximately 1 minute and 28 seconds.
Seriously? This toy? This toy that is almost as big as you, is the one that you simply cannot leave the house without?
It’s time to ditch the mummy bag! You have both been loyal and faithful to one another and it is the end of a beautiful friendship. Don’t worry though, you still have the snack bag and the entertainment bag and an impractical toy too big to fit in the entertainment bag. Chances are by now you are up the duff again so are carrying around a baby bump too. Oh and a scooter. Don’t forget the scooter that the small person promised they would ride but you are now carrying. In all likelihood your small person is also refusing to walk as well as ride the damn scooter, so you are carrying them as well.
Your original and faithful friend the mummy bag is back and stocked with baby essentials for the newest addition to the family. Remember stage one, one baby, one bag? Not this time Mama. This time it’s the change bag, the book bag, the PE Kit, the coat they refuse to wear and the god-damn scooter.
Image (c) Disney
I’m told the curse does not last forever, one day I will be able to leave the house and not feel like a pack-horse. I know that one day I will leave the house with light arms and a heavy heart, that my children don’t depend on me quite as much as they do now. I will have a beautiful SMALL bag to help ease the pain though 😉
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