Remember when you wanted to leave the house and you just grabbed your bag, picked up your keys and left?


Nowadays I dance to a very different tune.


The Leaving The House Dance – Part Two – The Summer Samba


  • Start internal debate with myself as to whether the boys need hoodies this morning.
  • Decide to put them under the buggy just in case.
  • Shove umbrella and rain cover under there too.
  • Check the sky suspiciously for any hints of dark clouds.
  • Attempt to prize the ridiculously big toy from the baby’s hands.
  • Ask the big one to pack away his Lego.
  • Try to swap the ridiculously big toy in the baby’s hand with a smaller more portable toy.
  • Ask the big one to pack away his Lego.
  • Wrestle the plank baby into the buggy along with the ridiculously big toy and secure straps.
  • Ask the big one to pack away his Lego NOW!
  • Apply sun cream to the captured baby and avoid being clouted round the head by the ridiculously large toy.
  • Check the sky again for any hints of dark clouds.
  • Tell the big one to come and get his sun-cream on.
  • Begin 5 minute explanations as to why the big one needs sun-cream on.  Same reasons as yesterday, and the day before.
  • Get halfway through applying big ones sun-cream before he bolts.
  • Begin pleads / negotiations / threats / bribes for his return.
  • Finish applying the big one’s sun-cream and try to mentally block out the whingeing.
  • Tell the big one to get his shoes on.
  • Check we have everything we need.
  • Check the sky once more for any hints of dark clouds.
  • Remind the big one he should be getting his shoes on and not hopping up and down the hallway.
  • Eye the babies shoes and decide to pack them rather than put them on as they would be removed within 2 minutes.
  • Put the baby’s sun hat on.
  • Retrieve the baby’s sun hat from floor and put it on his head again.
  • Sigh loudly as big one declares he needs a poo.
  • Turn to see why baby is giggling and begin search for the sun hat.
  • Find sun hat and place back on the baby’s head.
  • Wipe the big ones butt.
  • Wash hands.
  • Tell the big one to hurry up and get his other shoe on.
  • Notice the baby’s bare head and give up with the sun hat.
  • Negotiate buggy and small people out of the house.
  • Check the sky for any hints of dark clouds.
  • Lock the door.
  • Unlock the door and discard the ridiculously large toy that the baby has now dropped.
  • Lock the door.
  • Unlock the door for the big one to get an essential piece of Lego that he has forgotten.
  • Lock the door.
  • Get the waft of a distinctly dirty nappy.

No Hat


Do you follow the same dance routine as me?


You can read The Leaving the House Dance – Part One  – The Winter Waltz here.


If you like this post you can read more soppy stuff here, or more funny stuff here.


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Claire Kirby

31 Comments on The Leaving The House Dance – Part Two

  1. Oh my goodness! I find it hard getting out with just one, young baby! You must be exhausted by the time you leave the house! Great post, and the winter one too, made me smile 🙂 xo

  2. I get exactly where you are coming from. I have a 5,4 and 3 year old and our biggest thing is finding darn matching shoes! And my 4 year old is already fighting with me about what she’s NOT going to wear. Probably why I don’t get out much. Thanks for hosting #FridayFrolics.

    • I did laugh the other morning when the 5 year old was having an argument with his coat, only to discover it was the one year old’s coat!

  3. Ha ha! So true and I only have one child, but it is exhausting. She must walk upstairs on her own to get ready. Each step looking through the banister saying bye to our two dogs, painful! Arghhhhhh 🙂 thanks for linking up to #TheList x

  4. I’m exhausted reading this. God knows it’s hard enough to get out the house with one. At least ours currently runs to GET INTO HIS BUGGY! “Go car go car!” Yes let’s go car. We don’t own a car by the way.

  5. Absolutely brilliant. I marvel how other parents get their kids to keep their hat on. It is so comforting to know that I am not alone. Daily I wrestle with my child to ensure that the dinosaurs stay at home and are not taken out of the house. Losing one was bad enough. As for the timing of the poo….I share your pain. This is a post I will no doubt come back to and read when I need a giggle. Very very funny. #FridayFrolics

  6. My baby has a beautiful sun hat. She will tolerate it for approximately 4 nano-seconds 😀
    There really is so much to remember, and the children DO NOT HELP ONE BIT! This is particularly irritating when you are only trying to get them out to do something that they will enjoy!
    x Alice

    • At least with the summer holidays I get a few weeks off from having to remember book bags and PE kits and what’s supposed to go back on what day!

  7. Pick out all of the baby-related points and that’s pretty much exactly what I do to get out of the house. My pram lives in the car as it won’t fit in the house which adds an extra few steps to the dance! #TheList

  8. We totally complete this dance of joy every time we need to leave the house. As my little Diva has an imaginary friend, we also have to make sure she has her coat and shoes before we can go anywhere too. Sometimes we forget to bring her and actually have to return to the house to collect a non existent child. As if the real ones didn’t cause me enough work.

  9. Umm, yes I do a similar dance too. I make sure I start getting ready to leave an hour before I actually have to. There is always an obstacle course, or just things that sidetrack me (the child) before leaving the house! #FridayFrolics

  10. I see the departure dance is a whole lot more elaborate with two munchkins to consider 🙂 Mine goes like this:

    Check I have nappies
    Check I have rusks
    Put Boo in his coat, to much squawking and squirming
    Put boots on
    Lock house
    Find toy that Boo isn’t bored by
    Stash books in the bottom of the pram so if we go to a cafe, I’ll be able to drink my tea in 2 minutes instead of 10 seconds
    Unlock house
    Push pram down 6 steps. Count each step so Boo laughs
    Lock grille and front door
    Realise we forgot the dummy
    Unlock grille and front door
    Lift pram back up onto porch
    Run through house to grab dummy from fridge
    Run back out

    and so on and so on… 🙂

  11. Nope. I’ve got to say, I was ALWAYS a faffer!! Even before I had children, I’d be the one having to go back in for a wee, fetch my sunglasses, check I’d switched the lights/hair straighteners/iron off!!

    Now I have the twins, I’m *slightly* more organised!!! I’ve almost gone the opposite way to you!! Being a twin mama has turned me into a military operational planner 😉 xx Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday — hope to see you again next week! x

    Caro |

  12. Oh, the departure dance. It is really the only dance I can do, with actual coordinated moves and everything. I got to leave the house all alone last week , I swear it took me longer because I was just wandering around like a tit in a trance reassuring myself that I don’t need to pack a load of crap.


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