When I discovered I was pregnant with my first child I was filled with mixed emotions. Of course I was thrilled and excited. But whenever I thought about the actual delivery bit I felt somewhat embarrassed at the thought of how exposed I was going to be.
A friend told me,
“By the time you are 9 months pregnant you will open your legs to anyone in a white coat.”
All though her words were lighthearted she was right! Firstly, because quite frankly by the time you are in established labour you couldn’t care less about your dignity, being embarrassed or having a poo whilst you are pushing. You just want that baby out. But also because in the process of growing that little miracle, you have had to endure some pretty embarrassing side effects…
1 Admitting You’ve Had Sex
I know, I am a responsible grown up. I was 30 years old and married for 4 years at the time of my first pregnancy. But underlying the “we’re pregnant” announcement is the “we had sex in order to get pregnant” statement. I don’t care how old you are, it’s not easy admitting this to your Granddad! And then to make the cringe factor even worse, people you barely know will ask you if it was planned. Do you want me to tell you the date and time and draw you a diagram? Hey check out my You Tube account for a video of the conception* if you are that interested.
*There is no conception video. I don’t even have a You Tube account.
2 Feeling Like a Teenager Again
Before becoming pregnant you are sold images of the pregnancy glow. Two pregnancies later and I can only conclude that the glow is a myth. Instead get ready to relieve your teen years with an explosion of spots, greasy hair and a hormonal roller coaster that will leave your other half’s head spinning. You might as well just go to your room, light some candles, listen to REM and embrace your inner emo for a while.
3 Itchy Nipples
Be prepared to get a lot closer to some of your close friends whilst you excuse yourself for furiously rubbing your boobs in front of them.
4 Week Bladder
As that bump gets bigger, so does the amount of pressure being put on your bladder. Bumps in the car, laughing, and an ill placed sneeze are not your friend. Incontinence pads are!
5 Hairy Maclary (Bedtime reading after the pregnancy bit)
As women we spend most of our life getting rid of hair from our bodies. This becomes very difficult with a large pregnant belly. It’s hard to shave your legs when you can’t even see your toes, and your once well maintained lady garden could now make a lovely home for some nesting birds. Not to mention the fact that hair starts sprouting in other places too. Look at my beautiful hairy bump!
Other embarrassing pregnancy ailments include, and are not limited to; wind, constipation, hemorrhoids, and if you happen to go overdue – the joy of the membrane sweep!
It’s lucky that the little miracles are worth it. And I guess we get over the embarrassment as quite often we return for more.
After having gone through child-birth, twice, dealt with leaky boobs, left the house with any number of bodily fluids on my clothes (the babies of course), and survived a toddler asking why mummy has ‘string hanging out of her bottom’ whilst in the public toilets, it takes a lot more to embarrass me nowadays. In fact these days a smear test is a completely dignified affair. It can even qualify as ‘me time!’ Although I’d still approach trampolines with an air of caution and some knicker protection!
This post is sponsored by Hartmann. Direct and discreet suppliers of incontinence pads and underwear.
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