Some people love shoes. For me it’s bags. I love bags. In my life before children I created a beautiful collection of much-loved bags. Sadly these days my beautiful bags rarely see the light of day. Mainly because they are far too small for the amount of small people stuff I carry around with me, but also because these bags are too beautiful for the likes of rouge rice cakes and run-away raisins.
So I have succumbed to the ‘mummy bag’. Why is this a curse? Because one mummy bag is never enough. The curse of the mummy bag is that the bags get bigger and they multiply. And this time I’m not buying more bags because they are pretty and match my shoes. I’m buying them because I actually NEED them!
Stage One
In your pregnancy excitement you choose your first mummy bag, otherwise known as the change bag. Maybe it matches your shiny new pram, maybe you’ve gone all out and bought a ‘yummy mummy’ change bag. Which ever one you have, I know that right now you love it. You have lovingly packed it with nappies and spare clothes and you can’t wait to use it. That bag is about to become your new best friend. Don’t EVER leave the house without it, because that’s when shit quite literally happens. And it doesn’t matter how many pockets and ‘places for everything’ it has, when your baby is screaming for its demands to be met, you will never be able to find the supplies you need to meet those demands quick enough.
Stage Two
Once your small person begins eating real food, you won’t be able to leave the house without your mummy bag and its new best friend – the snack bag. This bag will forever be stocked with rice cakes and raisins. And if you are visiting friends who don’t yet have children, don’t forget the travel high chair, the floor mat, the bowls and spoons. Don’t worry though, this visit is usually a one-off. You won’t be invited back!
Stage Three
Congratulations you have entered the potty training stage. No need for that change bag with all the nappies now, right? Wrong. It’s now full of extra clothes for the inevitable accidents. Oh and you are also carrying around a potty, and the weight of the ‘can we get to the toilets or are we doing this right here in the cheese aisle?’ dilemma.
Stage Four
Your small person is a walking talking source of constant entertainment. As adorable as they are they also need a lot more to entertain them these days. Nursery rhymes and peek-a-boo aren’t going to cut it. Bring on the entertainment bag otherwise known as the bag of tricks. Favourite toys, colouring books and crayons, story books and stickers. It’s a bag full of boredom busters, each of which keeps the small person occupied for approximately 1 minute and 28 seconds.
Seriously? This toy? This toy that is almost as big as you, is the one that you simply cannot leave the house without?
Stage Five
It’s time to ditch the mummy bag! You have both been loyal and faithful to one another and it is the end of a beautiful friendship. Don’t worry though, you still have the snack bag and the entertainment bag and an impractical toy too big to fit in the entertainment bag. Chances are by now you are up the duff again so are carrying around a baby bump too. Oh and a scooter. Don’t forget the scooter that the small person promised they would ride but you are now carrying. In all likelihood your small person is also refusing to walk as well as ride the damn scooter, so you are carrying them as well.
Stage Six
Your original and faithful friend the mummy bag is back and stocked with baby essentials for the newest addition to the family. Remember stage one, one baby, one bag? Not this time Mama. This time it’s the change bag, the book bag, the PE Kit, the coat they refuse to wear and the god-damn scooter.
Image (c) Disney
I’m told the curse does not last forever, one day I will be able to leave the house and not feel like a pack-horse. I know that one day I will leave the house with light arms and a heavy heart, that my children don’t depend on me quite as much as they do now. I will have a beautiful SMALL bag to help ease the pain though 😉
Check out these latest posts
Sometimes I wonder where all the nappies and wipes have gone or maybe think that I haven’t seen a top for a while…then I clean out the car and find 6 different bags filled with crumbs, snacks, clothes, nappies and small toys…..
#ukbloggerclub
Those raisins get everywhere!
We’re still at the changing bag stage – I seem to have been stuck on that one for the last 4 years!! #fridayfrolics
Oh there’s so much crap to carry around ! I feel like I need a tesco trolley to put all three kids and there stuff in. Love this post it’s so true…. I was so proud of my first mum bag. I packed it and re-packed before my first was born. Nowadays any kind of plastic bag I can find to throw a load of crap in it will do xx #fridayfrolics
This is why dads still wear cargo pants. I heard that if you are over 40 you are supposed to stop wearing them, but I don’t know where I would keep all our stuff
I remember tipping the contents out of my bag once and taking a photo of it to post on Facebook – it was so funny, there was so much crap in there! #FridayFrolics
Oh Claire, this is so true!! This is spot on my life in every stage!!!! So funny!! I’m always at the door shouting ‘have we got the snack bag? The toy bag? The wet weather gear bag? Shall we just take the entire house out in bags??!’ It was so much easier when I just had 1 newborn, and a bag just requiring nappies, wipes, and a couple of babygros…!!
#fridayfrolics
Aw this made me laugh! I’m in a mashup of stages 5 and 6 now, although I refuse buy a scooter until my daughter is at least three. Most of the time now everything just gets thrown underneath the pram. I love my pram it’s like a wagon. #Fridayfrolics
I need this to be over in my life, I need small bags again as at the moment I feel like my arms are going to drop from all the crap that I have to carry! #fridayfrolics
Yep sounds about right although I’m a horror show with trikes and scooters. Just won’t do it. I have to admit, it is finally o-v-e-r…the carting of the shit everywhere (unless you take into account the one about what’s in my handbag!) Thanks for linking to #effitfriday
Oh, so funny.
It reminded me of a FB post our neighbour had put up last week with regards to her hospital bag.
“I’ve just informed him that the bag is packed and he asked me if I’d packed his Jaffa Cakes”
Not even I would come out with something like that. Too risky!
Thanks for sharing on #effitfriday
Priorities!
God help me the Jaffa Cakes comment. Priceless.
Funny 🙂
I made the mistake of entrusting the mummy bag to my husband when I went back to work. As a result, it now contains a lot of used tissues, empty packets of baby wipes/raisins etc and there are an unreasonably large number of spare outfits. To add to the affront to my once carefully packed bag, the crucial changing bit has been totally left behind somewhere. I am not sure what sort of mishaps one can effectively cater for with this selection of items. Still, he seems to be totally rocking the whole parenthood thing, so fair play. Maybe that is how we should all be doing it?
x Alice
I don’t think my husband would have a clue what to pack!
This is brilliant and totally on point! In fact, I’ve just written a similar post about life before children, and having to lob around a mummy bag instead of my nice, elegant handbags of the past, is something I’m lamenting there, too. But I shall not lose faith and hopefully, once we’re past stage 5, I can go back to enjoying a lovely bag, just for me. 🙂 # The List
So true! My Slummy bag has merged into the snack bag as well! I swear my kids will have moved out and Ill still pack a banana and a packet of rice cakes …Just in case.
Well you never know….
Haha sounds about right, though I haven’t got to all of them yet. I would add the ‘some IDIOT suggested doing an activity with the kids that will take all day and may involve them getting wet, and now there are multiple changes of clothes, towels, warmer clothes, full meals, and a variety of items to try to enable nap time in a ridiculous location’ suitcase to the list! #fridayfrolics
Days out bags are just as bad as holiday bags!
I don’t have holiday bags. Holiday bags are for a day trip. Packing for an actual holiday requires an aircraft carrier! #fridayfrolics
I never really understood this problem. I just have a truck that looks like a homeless person has been living out of it for a year
That’s a pretty big bag to be fair!
truck…pml!
Ha! Hilarious. What I can’t figure out is how, when I have such a massive, heavy bag (plus an emergency stash of pretty much everything from nappies to pencils to dry snacks kept in the car), do I still manage to leave the house without at least one important item every single time? #FridayFrolics
The sods laws of parenting my friend!
I have a Mary Poppins bag all the way – with four children I look as if i’m going for a week away when we go to the park lol #FridayFrolics
Ha ha! How do you have any hands free!
Lol great post. I currently have two in nappies and a whole day out results in the mummy bag being so big, it’s heavy enough to tip the buggy up (with the baby in it!). I have a yummy mummy bag and I love it bit on the very rare occasions I don’t have the kids with me, I don’t even bother with a bag anymore. I make the most of it while I can and just grab my purse and keys!
(Stopping by from #effitfridays)
You rebel!
Ha ha this is all too familiar! Though my change bag has a zipped pocket in it which is NEVER to be opened, after a leaking water bottle resulted in mould which I cannot scrub out, no matter how many antibacterial wipes I use! Becky x #FridayFrolics
That sounds less yummy mummy bag, more slummy mummy bag! 😉
My curse is always a banana. Always squashed, always at the bottom of any bag I have used for the children.
Urgggh. It goes like slime.
I love this! I am also a huuuuuge bag lover! Currently I am at stage 3 in this list, just minus the potty because we don’t currently have one to take anywhere with us, the one at home is far too big, like a mini toilet! Must probably get one though because even though he is doing amazing, it is inevitable that I am going to need one. Although I could just do what I saw the other day and let him pee in the street?!! Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday
The joys of potty training! Sounds like he is doing brilliantly.
I have a massive rucksack that I don’t leave the house without. I look like I am going youth hostelling for Europe for 2 months but I’m just going for a 45 minute Tumble tots session. I regularly hit people with it as I turn around suddenly. Cracking post as ever! #twinklytuesday
Ha Ha! Well it is called tumble tots!
Hahaha so so so true. Oh the joys eh? If I go out without the kids and with just a normal bag (or shock, no bag) I spend the whole time convinced I am missing something as I am so used to taking the kitchen sink with me!! Xx
Me too!
All so very, very true! I had one of those free Boots ones first time round that you got for joining the Parents Club but then upgraded slightly until eventually, when baby number two came along went all out and got a beautiful duck egg blue PacaPod. Now youngest is three that has been ditched and he has his own Thomas Tank backpack stuffed with spare clothes, drinks, snacks, wipes. It really does feel never ending… Thanks for linking up with #thetruthabout
How do these small people come with so much crap!
I never surrendered. I had my little bag of mummy stuff that was stylish and then the hideous bag of baby crap that I shoved over the bars of the buggy. And a coffee holder. This did make me roar with laughter though! #twinklytuesday
You must pass on your antidote for the curse immediately and save mothers everywhere from the curse!
Lol, this is brilliant. We’ve been through most of these stages and I can definitely identify with the feeling of being a packhorse! I still get excited by being able to have a small bag on the rare occasions that hubby and I get a date night out! 🙂 #thetruthabout
I always feel like I’ve forgotten something when I have a small bag now!
Great post, and so true!! I am currently only between stages 1 & 2, so one got lots to look forward to still, ha!! I do love my Yummy Mummy bag at the moment though 🙂 I found you via #TwinklyTuesday 🙂
Ooooh, very posh 😉
Haha – I think I’m somewhere in between stage 2 and 4. There’s definitely a curse though – I’m pretty sure there is something living in mine that swallows things and leaves small deposits of goop. Things certainly seem to go missing, or emerge slimier than they went in!
Mine too! That goop gets bloody everywhere!
I love this! Currently at stage 2. It will be a loooong time before I get to dust off my small pretty bags. Maybe by then they will be ‘vintage’ ?!
or dated and you’ll have an excuse to buy more 😉