People say that romance is difficult after kids.  I would actually argue that due to a significant drop in both standards and expectations, romance after the children come along, is actually easier.


Romance Before Kids – The pressure was on to be spontaneous.  The element of surprise was key. Being whisked away for a surprise romantic weekend was the mother of all romantic gestures to pull off.

Romance After Kids – Life runs on a schedule.  If it’s not on the calendar, it’s not happening. Valentines day being pre-printed on the calendar saves me time!  Date nights are planned with military precision.  The best spontaneous gesture is for my husband to say “shall we get take-out tonight”.  You mean I don’t have to cook, and you are going to go out and get it? That right there is why I married you.

Romance Before Kids –  Preparation meant shopping for a new dress and of course shoes to match. Getting my hair and nails done and generally spending a good few hours getting ready. You even had time to pen a love letter for him.

Romance After Kids – Preparation is booking the all important babysitters and cracking open the champagne because the grandparents are available, and have insisted on having them over night.  Although the closest thing to a love letter is a text saying “Please pick up a bottle of nit shampoo”.

Romance Before Kids – Dinner at a fancy restaurant, where the only table available is at 9:15 and the portion sizes would leave the likes of Naomi Campbell hungry.

Romance After Kids – Snuggled on the sofa in your PJ’s with pizza and a bottle of wine.  That is true love people.

Romance Before Kids – Having a bit of a smooch to a slow song at your cousins wedding.

Romance After Kids – Having a bit of a smooch to a slow song on the radio in the kitchen with a small person attached to each leg.

Romance Before Kids – A romantic bubble bath for two.  Only one of you gets the tap end, and its far too hot so you are oozing sweat rather than sex appeal.

Romance After Kids – Who am I kidding I haven’t had time for a bath in six years, and being that I would have to share it with 10 plastic boats and a purple octopus, it’s kind of lost its attraction.

If you’re not convinced that life after children can be romantic check out these before kids and the after alternative…

romance after Kids

I’ll take a cosy night on the sofa any day.  Although if my husband is reading this, romantic getaways are also welcome too, just don’t surprise me.  I need to pack for 4 nowadays.

This post was featured on Huffpost.

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Romance isn't over once the kids are born.  Romantic gestures are just different




Claire Kirby

19 Comments on Romance – Before Kids vs After Kids

  1. Totally agree. The summer after our twins were born our ice maker broke and we had no ice cube trays. Hubby surprised me with ice cubes made from homemade baby food trays, and at that point in life that outdid anything he had ever done before.

  2. Ha ha ‘if it’s not in the calendar it’s not happening’! With two kids under 3 that’s my life now! After my first born we got to go away for one night on our own when she was 3 months old. We stayed in a lovely hotel, had a quiet meal, a long bath and an early night..sleeping! Bliss.

  3. We’ve had an offer of a Valentines Night out from my mum in law but we don’t see the point as Mrs B is 32 weeks pregnant and falls asleep at 9pm! Hope you have a lovely romantic weekend kissing in the kitchen.

  4. Goodness me, how our lives have changed…

    However, I love my husband to bits and he works his butt off for us all but he is utterly useless at any of the romantic stuff or ‘useful’ dad stuff like letting me have a lie in (never happens, ever) getting up with the baby (erm, nope) nor anything spontaneous (unless you class falling asleep on the sofa after a matter of seconds whilst ‘apparently’ watching Top Gear..)
    Yep, life sure has changed! 😉

  5. All very true. I am very excited about being able to get into my pjs and quaff fizzy stuff whilst watching nextflix with Mr C. Who said romance was dead eh?

  6. I absolutely love this – it’s so true, all of it! This totally had me giggling…’ a smooch to a slow song on the radio in the kitchen with a small person attached to each leg.’ – my kids are much older, and if they see me and hubby having a smooch in the kitchen (which we still do), they immediately make it into some kind of ‘Group Hug’ or bundle. Even as teenagers they still won’t miss out on a cuddle.

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