First smiles, the first time they sleep through the night, first steps, first day at school.  All big milestones for our little ones. But what about the parents? What about the milestones we reach?  What about the crap that no one warns you about?  The first Poonami.  That one’s traumatic.  There are things as parents we experience that quite frankly deserve badges of honour.

Some of them might not be moments we want to photograph and share smugly on Facebook.  Some should be worn with pride.  Personally I don’t think you are truly a bonafide parent until you’ve had to tell your kid to “stop licking the window”. 


The Learner Badge

Badges of Honour We left the house without the baby for the first time

The first time you leave the house without your new accessory is a pretty big deal.  A huge parenting milestone.  Wear this badge if only to explain your nervous disposition and the fact that you have forgotten the art of conversation.


The We’ve all done it Badge

Badges of Honour scooped poo out of the bath

We’ve all been there.  Some of us so often that we have a designated scoop and a honed technique.  It doesn’t even gross us out anymore.


The I used to be cool badge

Badges of Honour Spent 3 hours looking for a toy I threw out yesterday

You know you are a parent when you go to extreme lengths to avoid tantrums.  Welcome to the club people.


The What the hell just happened Badge

Badges of Honour Survived a public tantrum

Of course not all tantrums can be avoided, and some warrant a badge of honour for surviving, hell they warrant a medal.  You know the ones where 5 minutes later your little angel is running around like nothing happened, but you spent the rest of the day in a state of bewilderment and wondering where the hell you find an exorcist.


The Life Skills Badge

Badges of Honour Can remove peas from nostrils

It’s a vital parenting skill to have.  Can also be applied to Rice Crispies, Lego, Play-doh and all other orifices.


The I didn’t sign up for this Badge

Badges of Honour Caught vomit with my hands

The follow on from this badge of honour is the first time your kid throws up in the sick bowl. That my friends is a day to be celebrated.


The Why Me Badge

Badges of Honour Got my arse stuck in the rollers at soft play

This has happened to everyone, right? RIGHT?


The I hate Pinterest Badge

Badges of Honour crafts with kids

There are two types of parents in the world.  Those that do crafts, and those that don’t.  I fall firmly into the latter category.  In my pre-parenting days I dreamt of painting home made cards and gifts with my little people.  Then reality hit and I learnt that; a) It’s really bloody messy, b) The kids use the red paint brush in the blue paint which stresses me out, and c) Nothing ever looks like it does on Pinterest.  Ever.


The Kill me  now Badge

Badges of Honour Singing wheels on the bus. on a bus

It’s never embarrassing being a parent.  Your kids will never ever show you up in public or make you do anything ridiculous.  OK I’m lying, but I’m told you can get your own back when they are teenagers.


The Life Goals Badge

Badges of Honour My Kid Wipes His Own Arse

Wear this one with pride.  You’ve earned it.


What badges of honour would you wear?


Please like, comment and share.


If you liked this you might also like my badges in response to parenting advice



You may have missed… 


Pin this…

What parenting milestones have you reached that you deserve a badge of honour for?





Claire Kirby

27 Comments on Badges of Honour

  1. I do the pretending to search for the toy/ shit piece of craftwork that was chucked weeks ago, a lot these days. Sometimes I even pretend to not know what Little Man is talking about… which toy, darling?!
    Love these badges Claire and thanks for sharing this post with us at #itsok

  2. Oh these are brilliant – love it! I’ve definitely earned a few of these. Not the “scooping poop out of the bath” one thankfully but most of the others. I will never quite understand why my automatic reaction to unexpected vomiting is cup my hands to catch it! Bleurgh!

  3. This is fantastic! I’m lucky *touches wood* (snort laugh) that I’ve not had to scoop a turd from the bath…. I’m hoping I’ve got away with that one! #coolmumclub

  4. Oh I actually cried with laughter at this post! Just when you think it can’t get any funnier there’s another badge and then another – love love love! Oh and the red paintbrush in the blue paint – can’t even deal as my teens would say. Wheels on the bus – hilarious. Stuck in sift play – nooooo! Loved it! #CoolMumClub

  5. Oh my goodness hon I LOVE LOVE LOVE this hilarious and so true….please please please can you get someone to actually make these for us? Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely xoxo

  6. Genius post! All of those badges could belong to me. This mornings one would be Managed to have a shower without a small child watching me whilst sat on the toilet having a poo. #goals

  7. Oh I love this post so much! Hilarious. I think I may be on course to earn all my badges! Yay – go me! Hahaha. In fact I completed the wheels on the bus one just this morning 🙂


  8. #FridayFrolics
    This is great! Hysterical and useful too! It’s like a dating service for mom friends. “Oh you’ve scooped poop out of the tub and hid in the bathroom to eat chocolate too?!?! We can totally be friends!”

  9. Very funny. Peachy is onle 15 months old so I have only earned a couple of these badges so far. #FridayFrolics

  10. I love these badges. I would cover myself in them. The worst one for us was catching vomit in our hands! Youngest was really poorly but Oldest still needed to go to school so I bundled them into the car, Youngest had a Easter egg bonnet (it was all I could find) to catch her sick. When we got back we were going up in the communal lift when suddenly Youngest started throwing up but there was so much that it filled up the sick catcher that I had no choice to catch it. The lifts opened and there were some people waiting to get in a sick covered and smelly lift. I had to dump Youngest at the house and quickly rush back to clean it all, tying not to throw up myself. Actually, nevermind the badge, I am going to tattoo it on my head. So everytime I get broody I will remember why it is not a good idea to have any more! 😉 #FridayFrolics

  11. These are so true. I’ve had to stop having baths with our boys as it seemed like they were marking their territory with all the pooing in the bath =:0(

Leave a Reply