As parents we make many rookie mistakes. These mistakes can leave us sobbing like a baby, pulling our hair out in frustration, or longing for the ground to open up and swallow us.
Eventually after enough time has passed we stop rocking in the corner, we are able to laugh about them. This series is dedicated to the honest parents who admit they
sometimes often get it wrong. After all, I have yet to meet a Pintrest perfect parent in the actual flesh.
Every Wednesday I feature a post from a fantastic guest blogger about their funny and insightful parenting fails.
This weeks guest post comes from the brilliant Prabs, who blogs at Absolutely Prabulous. Not only is Prabs a fantastic blogger, but she also shares the blog love more than any other blogger I know. I’m thrilled to be able to feature Prabs here today.
The Day The Tooth Fairy Never Showed Up
I don’t pretend to be the bake-sale soccer mum with perfectly coiffed hair. (I’d eat all the cakes before getting to the sale, would rather literally watch paint dry than kids’ football practice and my hair is un-’coiffable’. However, to go as far as admit that I am in fact the mum who cannot, for the life of her, remember to put money under her kids’ pillow when they lose a tooth…E-V-E-R. Well…I’m about to admit that.
“She’s joking right? Not ever?!” you ask. Oh, but I’m not. In my pathetic defense, although I was born and bred in the UK, am more British stand-up comedy than Bollywood drama, prefer a Sunday roast over a curry (shocker) and own a ridiculous amount of Union Jack items from oven gloves to shoes, when all is said and done, I did grow up in an Indian household. We just didn’t do the tooth fairy ritual. It’s a culture difference thing. I could double-check with my siblings to see if they remember it differently but I’m pretty blooming sure we didn’t get anything when we lost a tooth. Apart from a large gap in the mouth.
So, let me take you through the fiasco of my son finally losing his first tooth, aged seven.
He had excitedly placed his tooth under the pillow – BIG moment with it being his first tooth and all – and I wished him and the girls goodnight, making a mental note to fetch a coin once he was asleep. I went back down, told Hubster about the necessary coin and forgot about the money. Ironically, I forgot because after cleaning up the kitchen, I got busy writing a post about what I’ve learned to not do since becoming a mum. Clearly, I must have learned to not put the damned tooth fairy money under the pillow. I digress but honestly the scatty mother behaviour has become so habitual that an actual newspaper article has been written about it. Maybe it’s a laws of attraction thing: maybe I should start writing posts on how I am THE perfect mother and then it will miraculously happen and I’ll actually become one.
Anyway, the following morning I woke up and practically fell out of bed with the pounding in my heart as I remembered the money.
My Dreamy D…such an undemanding gentle easy child (when he’s not tanked up on Asthma meds) for whom the least I could do is remember his tooth fairy money. No worries, he’ll be fast asleep; I’ll just slip it under the pillow now, I thought. Before I heard him in the bathroom sounding very much awake. Cue mini heart attack. Is he kidding me? He chooses this morning as the ONE morning in the whole week to wake up early, instead of being dead to the world like he normally is?! Then I thought No problem, he’s always half asleep when he first gets up; there’s no way he noticed the lack of silver under the pillow. My sick-to-the-stomach feeling now replaced by calm complacency, I popped my head around the door and smiled as brightly as I could (no easy task…I don’t usually smile til I’ve literally bathed in coffee). I nearly shrank in mortification as my son mustered up his bravest smile, tried to mask his disappointment and said “Mama, the tooth fairy didn’t come”. Quiet, flat, deflated voice. Those huge doe eyes. Go me, mother of the year.
I crept back into my bedroom, punched myself in the face, briefly considered punching Hubster in the face and told him about the mess-up. His response was “We are sh*t”. What can I say? He’s a man, an Aries man…they’re fairly direct. And let’s face it, this Aries man called it. My brain instantly fogged up with panic trying to figure out the right course of action.
And then it went down like this:
- I ran downstairs to fetch my wallet only to bump into Musical M (9yo). Is she kidding me? She chooses this morning as the ONE morning in the whole week to wake up early, instead of being dead to the world like she normally is?! Are you detecting the pattern here?
- I hurriedly grabbed some coins. Musical M saw me. So I threw her my look. You know THE look that all of us are suddenly able to do once we become mothers. The “Don’t even think about asking me” look. Not you? Just me? Seriously?!
- I pegged it back upstairs (I swear I never knew I could moved so fast) and bumped into Cheeky K (4yo) who’d climbed out of bed, having also chosen this morning as the ONE morning…you know what, I’m not even going to bother finishing that sentence…
- I literally threw the money under his pillow not realising that Cheeky K was watching. It’s pointless trying to administer THE look to a four year-old upon realising you’ve been rumbled. A hand may have been clamped over her mouth as she started asking me questions. I can neither confirm nor deny this. You’ll have to speak to my lawyer about that.
- Now comes the rolling-my-eyes-in-shame bit (like it’s not shameful enough so far): I FORGOT TO TAKE THE TOOTH FROM UNDER THE PILLOW.
What did Hubster do during all of this?
The man who can survive on three hours sleep? The man who never hits the snooze button? The man who practically leaps out of bed ready to face the day, the second the alarm goes off (how did I marry someone like this)? Basically, after delivering his “we are sh*t” verdict, he chose this morning as the ONE morning in the whole year to…
…go back to sleep.
Is he kidding me?!
A short while later, Hubster got up, Dreamy D lifted his pillow again – er possibly prompted by his mother – and found money that had miraculously arrived while he’d been brushing his teeth. He then ran out in total astonishment to tell his father that the tooth was still there. Now, I’m a blogger. I write. Words are obviously my thing. But I have NO idea which words describe the look on my husband’s (or my son’s) face at this point.
I may or may not have crept out of the room silently. I can neither confirm nor deny this.
You’ll have to speak to my lawyer about that.
Prabs is a former London/Paris career girl, now beach-loving mum in Malta & dedicated key loser. Her best achievement is leaving the house with 3 kids (for which she still has not received her gold medal). Her biggest fears are running out of vodka and screwing up her kids (in that order). She’s married to the luckiest man on earth and is an expert in reheating tea and avoiding housework. Her best household tip: Always wear sunglasses at home so you can’t see the mess. If you want further housewife advice, don’t visit http://www.absolutelyprabulous.com.
What’s been the worst thing you’ve forgotten to do when it comes to parenting duties?
You can read previous guest posts from the Rookie Mistakes series here.
If you are a blogger and wish to take part in the series you can find out more here.
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