My eyes are for looking out for you, spotting the hazards before you come to harm.  They are for searching for your lost toys for the tenth time that week.  They are for seeing the world through your eyes.  They are for watching you grow and change at a pace I can barely fathom.

My nose was often a teething aid, and the landing place for those big open mouth baby kisses.  It was a place to stick your finger and explore.  It served me well for sniffing bottoms for sources of smells.  These days it checks for evidence of hand washing and teeth brushing.

My ears are for hearing your cries, your laughs, your words.  They are for listening to your long stories; What happened when I wasn’t there.  What happened when I was.  They are for hearing your worries, and worrying when I don’t hear you.

My lips are for kisses goodnight, kisses because I can’t not, and kisses to make it better. they’re for blowing raspberries on bare tummies and bottoms.  They are for answering you endless questions and explaining the ways of the world.  They are for bedtime stories and daily ‘shoes on’ nagging.

My head is a never ending to do list and shopping list for your needs.  It’s filled with worry, with guilt, and with beautiful memories.  And mush.  My head is so full that the Pythagoras theory had to go to make room for the names of the Paw Patrol pups.

The Sum of my parts

My arms are to carry you and hold you close. They are for bear hugs and endless renditions of row row row your boat.  They are for swinging you round and throwing you high.  They are for filling with book bags and lunch boxes and scooters.

My hands are for holding yours.  For high-fiving your achievements.  They are for endless cleaning of clothes, toys and sticky fingers.  They are for checking for fevers and wiping runny noses.  They waved goodbye to you on your first day at school, then trembled for the rest of the day.  They are always busy and I often wish I had more.  Especially for nappy changes.

My fingers are for typing random things into google about nits and chicken pox.  They are for taking an endless stream of pictures to capture these days.  They are for teaching you to count and pointing to the fire engines. They are for tickling you until you get the hiccups. They are for retrieving peas from nostrils.

My back is for bending over the cot to soothe you to sleep, for horsey rides and piggy backs, and bending to pick up the discarded toys.

My legs are for pacing the nursery floor, for swaying (even when you are no longer in my arms).  They are for bouncing on knees, dancing in the kitchen and chasing round parks. They are my measurement for how tall you are growing.  They serve as reminder of my age when I can’t keep up with you!

The Sum of My parts

My body has become a climbing frame and bouncy castle.  A somewhat wobbly one.  But it reminds me everyday that it made you.

My heart is for containing a love I have never known.  Unconditional, pure, primal and simple.  It also has a tendency to sink to the pit of my stomach when you hide in the clothes rails in shops.

There are days when my back aches and my head hurts.  My ears demand a break.  The days when I have given all of me and need to dig deep to give more.  The days when I wish for a moment to breathe.  A moment to think about me.

Then there are the days when I don’t want to let you go.  I want to hold you in my arms and cherish every moment and marvel at who you are.  The days when my heart could burst. The days when you are all I ever need.

All of me has become about you.

You are the sum of my parts.

For my boys x

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Claire Kirby

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