We don’t seem to be able to find the time to see each other that much these days.  We used to spend Saturdays mooching round the shops, and evenings hitting the bars and getting drunk.  They were good times.  But things have changed.  I have these 2 little people that have sort of invaded and taken over my life.  So I just wanted to say sorry for being a bit, well crap, at arranging to see you.

We operate in different time zones at the moment.  Sometimes we may as well be in different countries.  I know evenings after work is good for you, but early evening for me is all about splashing in the tub, snuggling down for stories, and packing school bags ready for the next day.  By the time that’s done and I’ve had some dinner and an uninterrupted conversation with the husband I’m pretty much ready for my bed.  I know, rock n’ roll right.  My night ends as your night begins.  For me, staying in, is the new going out.  And if staying in involves PJ’s and a bit of TV, then I’m in heaven.

Saturday mornings are good for us.  Somewhere between the babies nap and lunch time.  But I know that’s when you’ll be getting up and having a lazy breakfast in your PJ’s and assessing how bad your hangover is.  I hope it’s one that can be cured with a Maccy D’s and trash TV.

I love that you include my little people in your invites, and whilst I would really love to meet you in town one Saturday for a spot of shopping and some lunch, my kids wouldn’t.  The don’t really appreciate the fine art of browsing.  Especially clothes. Clothes to them are purely practical.  Practical equals boring. There are some days they actually think them highly impracticable, and would rather walk about the house in their pants.  Changing rooms do not accommodate buggy’s at all well. We will spend half the trip waiting for lifts as we can’t use the escalators, and with each shop entered wingeing and whining increases.   The whole experience could potentially leave you hating all kids.

Let’s do the shopping trip just you and me, like old times.  Except I’m not really sure what’s ‘in’ right now. The ‘new’ me doesn’t really do dresses much nowadays.  No one at Rhyme Time wants to see me flash my knickers whilst I’m crawling around after the baby.  And I think I have actually lost the ability to walk in heels even though I put in years of practice.  I could do with a new jumper though.

I would invite you to accompany us to soft play, but I like you and I wouldn’t wish that hell on my worst enemy.

And then there are the invites to come over to your house.  Your lovely beautiful minimalist house.  I too once had a house like that, before the invasion of little people and the colourful plastic paraphernalia that they come with.  As much as I think my children are funny, entertaining and (mostly) well behaved, they are still after all children.  The big one is currently suffering with delusions of superheros.  He genuinely believes he is Batman.  This means he doesn’t walk anywhere.  He runs.  Full speed.  With his arm outstretched like he is flying. Things like furniture don’t seem to bother him.  He full on tackles them and crashes to the ground with dramatic sound effects.  I know you are horrified, but I can assure you it’s perfectly normal behaviour for a boy who is five.  Even if I made him promise not to be a superhero at your house (and it would take some monumental bribery – yes I do that) he is still very bouncy.  He’s kind of like the Duracell bunny on speed.  He never sits still.  He’s also nosy, and if I turn my back for a second he’ll be routing through your drawers and asking some potentially awkward questions.  As for the baby, well he’s going to dribble all over your furniture, and if the big one doesn’t spill his drink on your beautiful cream rug, the baby will be sick on it.  And even though they will both be immaculately clean when I bring them round, they will still leave finger prints all over your glass coffee table and french doors. In other words without even trying, they will destroy your house with their innocent curiosity.

You are more than welcome to come to our house.  There are a few things I should warn you about. Firstly excuse the ‘mess’.  Secondly if you are stopping for lunch I would advise you don’t sit next to the baby.  He has a pretty good aim. Thirdly, it’s pretty loud at our house,  the baby’s toys all sing songs and the big one doesn’t stop talking.  Ever.  And lastly you will more than likely at some point be commandeered to build Lego.

I am really up for that night out with you.  Just be aware that after three drinks I’ll be parading my phone round the bar showing pictures of my kids to everyone who isn’t interested.  After four drinks I’ll probably be singing Karaoke to Tiffany (even if there is no karaoke) and by 11:00 I’ll be curled up in a corner somewhere, snoring.  It would be fun, it just probably won’t be very pretty!  I can confidently say that the next day I will suffer more than you.  Remember that Duracell bunny I mentioned?  Yeah him, he doesn’t understand ‘hangover’.

Please forgive me if it takes me 12 hours to respond to your message.  It’s just that when you text me I was mid nappy change, then we had to do the school run, then it was tea time and well, by the time all that happened, I forgot.  Then I got a text from another friend and I remembered I hadn’t got back to you. Which reminds me I must get back to her.

I’ve swapped late nights for early mornings (very early mornings).  Shopping days are now park days or family movie days. Nice restaurants are now family tolerant friendly cafes.  I love it.  I am very happy.  I know plenty of people who say having children won’t change anything.  But for me it changed everything, it changed me.  Fundamentally I am still the same person,  I would do almost anything for chocolate and I am Gerard Butler’s number one fan. But my world revolves around my two little people. That means that honestly and selfishly I have less time for my friends.  

I miss you.  And I know this change in dynamic is all my doing.  I am absolutely here for you if you need anything.  Anything at all.  I still love you to bits.  It’s just that socially the nights out won’t be as often and may end a little earlier than they used to!

It’s not you.  It’s me.

Lot’s of love

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Claire Kirby

24 Comments on Dear friend with no children

  1. Aaaaah, this is a lovely post. Before I had a baby I had grand ambitions of keeping my home neat and tidy and me. I intended only to have tasteful wooden toys in pastel shades. That didn’t happen and the multicoloured plastic has taken over. I wouldn’t change it for the world though xx

  2. Ah, I totally get this. It’s so hard. I’ve been on both sides – the friend who didn’t have kids while her friend did, and the friend who had kids but her friend didn’t. It is hard when your worlds are so different and you exist in different time zones. x

  3. I love this. Kids really do change it up for us don’t they. What a great post and I love how you have written it. I have many friends that aren’t married or have kids yet and it’s so like this. They don’t know what will hit them hahahah Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me and I hope to see you again tomorrow for another great round. #sharewithme

  4. Fab post! I had my first son at 21, and lost a lot of friends afterwards, as I couldn’t go out all the time like they could! However it does help you to see who your true friends are, and I love meeting friends with children with mine as well for a day out or a cuppa! Sadly I enjoy this much more than ‘partying’ lol x

  5. Loved this post. I’ve actually done the ‘lean over the bar and show bar people my kid photos’. Bless them……. they try to look interested!! Really enjoyed reading this 🙂 #pocolo #brillblogposts

  6. Brilliant post. I remember this so well – and my circle of friends did alter to accommodate this. I didn’t lose my childless friends though and gradually they joined me 🙂 Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo x

  7. I have found it is best to make friends that are in the same life stage as we are. They just get it, without all the explanation! Please check out my blog from the Share With me Blog Hop!

  8. This is lovely, and so so true! I was the first one out of my close circle of friends to have children and it took a while for us to all adjust to the fact that things changed – they’ve all got kids now so know exactly what it is like #brilliantblogposts

  9. Oh lovely it’s true life changes but it doesn’t mean, if you explain to your friends or even better send this post, they won’t understand. My childless mates are brilliant with my kids and when I get time for girly nights, it feels like nothing has changed, I’m still me. Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts x

  10. Completely agree! And I am the first of my oldest friends to have monsters I can completely relate. I can’t wait to attempt a glass of wine with them again after pregnancy, its just my nights out have changed to family friendly barbeques where the kids can run riot.

    My hen do was post child…..and ended fairly similarly…..oh except for being carried off the chair by the bouncer after trying to dance along, at 11pm….

  11. Aww its so right! I am the last girl in my group to get married and have a baby so they know this beforehand and I was the one who is being warned before =P #pocolo

  12. Laughed out loud at your description of a night out. Yes, yes to the photos, the singing Tiffany and the curled up in a corner. And a big YES to suffering the next day. Kids completely change your life, however you think they won’t!

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