The Big Questions

I thought I would be a no nonsense mum when it came to the ‘awkward’ or ’embarrassing’ things that my children would ask.  The big questions.  I admire those mums who use the correct words for body parts, I really do.  But I can’t say penis without giggling.  


Where do babies come from


I completely understand the argument that we should be upfront and honest with our kids.  We should be grown ups about it.  But!  When the big one asked me what girls have instead of willies (yes we call them willies in our house) my brain went into panic mode.  Seriously, there were alarm bells screeching in my head and a million thoughts zooming around, all trying to be heard over the racket:  

Don’t call it a noo noo.

What do other people call it?

Sorry to disappoint you but the rest of this post is coming soon to a book shop near you!
The post has been published in a brilliant new book:

We need to talk about the terms of my imprisonment

20 funny stories about parenting.  perfect for reading whilst you are hiding in the toilet eating the kids chocolate.
You can buy yours here:




Claire Kirby

60 Comments on Where do Babies Come From?

  1. Literally laughing my head off at this! I was informed today by my big one (whose 3) that I don’t have a willy but that I don’t need to worry because I have 2 bums instead! this after him staring at me in horrified fascination whilst I was trying to have a shower in peace! #awkward! x

  2. This is amazing! literally laughing my head off 🙂 out of the mouths of little ones! Mine informed me today that I don;t have a willie because I’m not a boy but not to worry about it because I have 2 bums instead…and this after him staring at me in horrified fascination whilst I was trying to take a shower in peace…awkward! x

  3. Hahaha!!! Special cuddle is perfect! I remember the exact day when I found out what actually happens and I was DISGUSTED! ” Mummy would never do that!” I said. My childhood was ruined!
    So I’m all for the ‘special cuddle’. It’s way more beautiful than the actual thing. X

  4. I had a really good time reading this. This’s hilarious – a widgie!! My daughter is only 8-months old, so I’m glad that I still got some time to prepare 😀

  5. I got the first taste of this too a few weeks ago. I have to say it caught me off guard as B is only four and I keep thinking it would be closer to 8 he would ask me these things but kids at school talk. EEK So not ready for it. Love your answers. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

  6. Haha – this is hilarious! No, I dread dealing with all this stuff too, and I’m glad my eldest was too young to ever ask about the pregnancy! Funnily enough, however, I’m the complete opposite with the terms – I can just about handle the real names, but find both the vulgar and the cutesy terms awkward & embarrassing! So I have never said ‘willy’, and would like to continue that! 😀 #coolmumclub

  7. Ha ha ha this made me laugh out loud.
    In my house my mum always referred to it as a front bottom – my husband looks at me like I’m nuts if I say it
    Glad I now know what a widgie is

  8. Hiya! Really sorry I missed the deadline on Friday frolics, I got all messed up and thought it lasted for a whole week so I thought on reading some posts today.. #rookie mistake! I’m catching up now and hope to join again and comment on time! 🙂 Eliana xx (Delete this comment) just tried to DM on Twitter but couldn’t do it :S

  9. This was hilarious! So cute with the special cuddle 🙂 haha at least It wasn’t like when we explained our 4 y.old how her little brother would come out. She kept asking me if I was having the baby every time I needed to go to the toilet! Xx

  10. OMG I am laughing so hard reading this – I had no idea what a widgie was nor had I heard of that before. Oh I am dreading this convo so far no one has asked these specific questions so I’ve gotten away with it. Not looking forward to “the talk” at all though. And I can’t say vagina either. Thanks so much for joining us for #BloggerClubUK x

  11. Brilliant! The special cuddle. Try being us-two moms with two girls. Big, or oldest never asks anything. But Little, she has an inquiring mind, usually right before bedtime. She asked the same, How did I get in Ema’s belly (Ema is the Mrs.)? I replied, I helped you get there. Pretty age appropriate. Seemed to quell her process. No need to understand turkey basters and what not…yet. #StayClassy Thanks for this post!

  12. This is so, so funny! Also worrying, because I’ve been getting away with having ‘the chat’ for too long! My 2 were both born by c-section, so I got away with the explanation that ‘the doctor cut you out of my tummy in the hospital’, but last week my son started a conversation in the middle of The Range, in the petfood section to be precise, about whether we would let our dog have puppies, and how they would get there. Help!! #CoolMumClub

  13. Popping back for #Fridayfrolics My little lad calls a vagina a ladybird…because when I wimped out when he was younger I said they were mummy’s ladybits.. and he misheard..I stuck with option.

  14. Oh my gosh, kids are HILARIOUS!!!! I was laughing so hard at this! “Did Daddy put the seed up your bottom?” HAHA! OMG!
    My son is only 13 months old, so I should still have a little while to start rehearsing. #StayClassy

  15. Hahaha I was literally laughing out loud while reading this. I’m glad I know what a widjie is now, just in case my son ever mentions it when he is older. I may use the special cuddle as well, it sounds nice and prevents awkward situations like the grocery store. Although I always thought I would be no nonsense as well, but honestly I have no idea how I would handle the situation. I remember my Mom told me everything when I was 6 years old and I think it was too much! haha I wasn’t a boy though, so I didn’t run around telling everyone. Thanks for sharing with #StayClassy!

  16. Haha this is brilliant!! I want to be a no nonsense mum too but I fear I’ll be exactly the same. I love how you divert the conversation with chocolate, that’s definitely going to be my tactic too 😉 #familyfun

  17. Brilliant post – really funny! I cringe when my girls say front bottom but I started with that and now vagina is not catching on!!!

  18. This literally made me laugh out loud, absolutely brilliant! My eldest is just coming up to one so we aren’t at this stage yet, but after reading this I might start preparing now! Fantastic!


  19. This has me in stitches and I’m not even a mummy. I am an aunty though, and I will be cackling with glee watching my dear sister trying to figure out how to explain all THAT stuff to my niece. She’s only just about to turn 3 so fingers crossed we have a bit of time left yet where we can just talk about fairies and cake.

  20. A WIDGIE!! God hope he’s untangled himself by now. I always have a problem with widgets on sidebar but nothing like this. Excellent post Claire. Jo 🙂

  21. Yep I am laughing aloud!!! This is so funny. I want to be a no nonsense mum but who knows… must start preparing all my answers to any possible questions!! I love it when people tell their children the actual medical names for things but I’m not sure I am bold enough. Also a widgie…ahahaahaha! #FamilyFun

  22. Oh this is very funny. We have gone with the real words which is ok except that NG keeps ‘practising’ saying ‘vagina’ in very awkward places, like queuing to board an aeroplane. I love the ‘widgie’ – definitely didn’t know that one. Well done for all your tactics/management so far … (and WHY isn’t there a better name than ‘front bottom’ or ‘noo noo’?! #fridayfrolics

  23. Lol this is so funny. I’ve learned something new – never knew what a “widgie” was before and was really laughing over his question about whether Daddy put the special seed up your bottom. Saying “I’m so glad you and Daddy had a special cuddle” in the middle of the supermarket is priceless. Thankfully I have yet to get to this stage. My eldest hasn’t yet started asking about why boys and girls are different. As to what we call it – we went with “girlie bits” – nice and simple 🙂

  24. You’ve made me laugh 🙂 My toddler is not quite three yet, and his baby sister is 4 months. He didn’t ask how the baby got there or how it got out – luckily! He did ask where is his sister’s winky, while assisting with nappy changing. I just said that she hasn’t got one, just like mummy. I couldn’t think of a name though, and vagina just seemed to big a word for him (and for his baby sister’s body parts). We still need to crack this one!

  25. OMG that was so funny, I’ve been reading it again and again because I’ve enjoyed the feeling of a proper belly laugh out loud. Brilliant! I’ve never heard of a widgie before and my boys are 7 and 10 so I guess I’ve got that one coming. When I had to explain giving birth because they cornered me and demanded to know, I said that it came out of mummys special ‘canal’, honest to god that’s what I said. They just thought it was so ridiculous that they decided amongst themselves that they come out of bums! I’ve ruined my children!

    mainy – myrealfairy


  26. Woman! This is amazing! I am pissing myself laughing! I’m so stressed about the vagina business – I don’t want to say fanny and even front bottom seems a weird thing to say. I keep dodging this with the exact same tactics. Currently he is too young for the baby making one thank god!
    Also your kid is a legend – widgie is the best thing I’ve heard in a while! Thanks for linking up #stayclassy

  27. I’ve had many variations of this conversation over the years. For a while I had her believing that daddy used magic to put her inside mommy. She now knows how they come but it’s been a while since we talked about how they get in there. Hopefully it’s a while longer. i don’t think magic is going to cut it next time. #brilliantblogposts

  28. This was hilarious. I’ve never heard of a widgie but I too get all Miranda around word like penis, periods and vagina. My little man had a thing about saying vagina at one point and even said it in front of my 92 year old nana, she nearly died… TY for linking up to #FamilyFun

  29. Oh this had me howling with laughter!! A widgie is a brilliant term. I am dreading these questions, dreading! I will become all sweaty and flustered. Argh! We don’t call a vagina well a vagina either. For some reason it has become known as a foof. I don’t know why but I need to address that especially as Youngest likes to shout when we are in the car “foof out” she means the seat belt but it does cause much confusion #coolmumclub

  30. There is no right answer to this at all. Whatever you say, it sounds rubbish! We resorted to front bottom as well and mumbled references to “plumbing”.

  31. Fab post! I am hugely fortunate that my kids don’t actually ask me many questions about this stuff! Because I would be rubbish at answering them!! I have a girl and a boy, so the ‘what do you call a girl’s bits?’ question came up – we called it ‘lady bits’ which somehow became a ‘ladybird’, so now in our house it gets referred to as a ‘ladybird’ – I realise at some point I am going to have to explain that NO ONE ELSE calls it that! But it is handy when we’re out and one of them starts talking about ladybirds and no one else has a clue what they’re on about 🙂 Eb x

  32. Hah! This is great. I’m with you, I don’t mind any of the random questions (and we’ve lately had a lot of talk about death from our 4 year old), but the sex questions get me a bit hot and bothered! Hilarious what your son said about the seed in the bottom!!! My 2 year old just asked me yesterday “Do boys not like boobs mummy?” I had to hide my laughter too! #CoolMumClub x

  33. Great to know what a widgie is! I seem to have the ‘where do babies come’ from convo with my eldest every 6 months or so (he’s just turned 9) and I’m still hanging on by my fingertips with special mummy and daddy cuddle but have had to say vagina as a means for the baby to travel down! Its comforting that kids will stop asking up to the point that they can process the info. #stayclassy

  34. Hahaha o dear, I have all this ahead of me, my little boy is 7 months old and I think the ‘ask daddy’ is a good option right now when all else fails! I just can’t keep a straight face. Loved this it gave me a giggle! #stayclassy

  35. Claire I just nearly wet myself laughing…this is hilarious!

    Tigs asked me how Dangermouse came out of my tummy…to which I came up with ‘The doctors helped me’…which is neither nonsense or a lie! It’s like a flipping game how this parenting malarky! Fingers on buzzers for the next question!
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub

  36. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA this is brilliant!!!!! I was laughing all the way through. I get a bit flustered re the right words to say, I’m not one who can say penis without laughing either!! #stayclassy

  37. Nope, I’m a no nonsense dad. Answered many such a question about sex. Menstruation too. I’m staggered at how many parents have issues with discussing these subjects. I can think of one mum who has commented on my blog in the past. She has teenaged kids and never spoken to them about sex. I seriously don’t have a problem with it. The issue, I think, is talking about it in a way that doesn’t make you / your kid sound stupid if they repeat what you say in the playground. #BrilliantBlogPosts

  38. Pahaha we’re Team Noonoo all the way in this house! If in doubt I go with what my Mum told me : “I’ll tell you when you’re older!” Then I just read it all in Just Seventeen #brillblogpost

  39. I think you handled that brilliantly! I can usually do some deflecting to the point where they go and ask their mum. Problem solved!

    Thanks for sharing! #BrilliantBlogPosts

  40. Haha I love this..mine is 5 and I wasn’t so skilled at the questions as you, I also went for seed, but agreed daddy put it in my tummy button. Then my son said he was going to put a seed in his friends tummy as a baby would be cool. We had to do some fast talking about privacy and babies are for grown ups and oh dear lets go google a kid friendly description of how to. I am totally the noo noo. #bloggerclubuk

  41. For me it depends on the child and their age. Eva is almost 12 now so we have more grown up conversations and I have to keep a straight face while she giggles! Hah. I don’t think there is anything gained from being uptight about it, whatever works for you is nobody else’s business. There are good books you can buy to save you having to explain too 🙂 x x

  42. Oh I miss all of this, my kids favourite time for these questions was always sharing a public loo cubical somewhere at full voice, you could practically hear the giggles from the rest of the cubicles! #sharewithme

  43. oh this had me laughing out loud – so so funny – seed up the bottom – i’m crying! Widgie – brilliant and your avoidance tactics – inspired! Thank you for making me laugh #BloggerClubUK

  44. Well I never knew what a widgie was before – my life is now complete! Thanks for such helpful illumination! Enjoyed connecting with your blog via #BloggerClubUK

  45. when my eldest asked how her baby sister was going to get out of my belly I pointed to my front bottom (yes that’s the term I tend to use). All was fine until we were at nursery when she tried to pull my skirt up to show everyone where the baby was going to come from.

Leave a Reply