The countdown to the big day has began. Children everywhere are being threatened by the no show of the man in red. Lists are being compiled and passed from relative to relative. Your own list of things to buy is longer than the queues at the Next sale. You have to face the horror that is Christmas shopping. The most stressful part of Christmas shopping is Christmas shopping with your children. Make the store a toy store and you have entered the depths of hell.
Allow me to brighten up this years Christmas toy shopping experience with what I like to call Toy Shop Bingo.
I like to have a bet with the other half on how many times someone is going the utter these words. The loser has to put the kids to bed and make dinner…
“Mummy can I have that?”
Said on average every 4.2 seconds of your visit.
“Mummy If I’m Really really good can I get one of these?”
Small person tactic change #21. After you have issued lots of “no” and “We’ll see” answers to their requests. Usually deployed with puppy dog eyes.
“No, That’s too old for you.”
Standard response for any toy you deem inappropriate, too messy, or too noisy.
“Isn’t that a bit babyish for you now?”
Standard response for any toy you deem over priced.
“You have one just like it at home.”
…buried under a pile of other very similar toys.
Said with an inward cringe as you know you sound just like your mother.
“Do you really think you’d play with that?”
Said when you know the infatuation will last for no longer than ten minutes.
“It’s a bit big.”
Translation: Where the hell am I supposed to put that?
“Take that out of the trolley NOW.”
When the small people are turning feral on you.
Warning: Countdown to meltdown. Speed up the shopping and administer snacks immediately.
Small person tactic change #42. Beg.
Normally said with a few curse words muttered under your breath. Also happens to be the number one toy depicted in your small persons letter to Father Christmas.
“I don’t think Granny really wants an Elsa doll for Christmas.”
In response to small person tactic change #101. Buy it for someone else who will let me play with it.
“Lets ask someone for help.”
When you have found the location of the toy you need and the shelf is empty.
“Does anyone actually work in this shop?”
Normally proceeds “Lets ask someone for help.”
“If you are really good you can ask Father Christmas for that.”
Said whilst frantically trying to remember all the requests the small people are making and wondering where you are going to hide all this stuff before the big day.
“Please don’t touch that.”
Normally shouted just before your small person knocks over an entire toy display.
“Where’s the Mulled Wine?”
Normally shouted just after your small person knocks over an entire toy display.
If that leaves you in any doubt as to whether you should attempt to enter a toy store with your small people, ask yourself the following questions…
Enjoy the Christmas shopping!
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This post was featured on Mumsnet and Tots100