Last Monday I was staring out of the window at the torrential rain wishing for it to stop before my fourth school run of the day, (that’s more than enough reasons to hate Monday’s right there) and I found myself daydreaming of a warmer climate and sand between my toes.

Of course such a fantasy would require us winning the lottery.  Which got me to thinking about the parenting lottery we all play.  The main prize is nearly always sleep.

Have you ever won the jackpot on any of these lotteries?

Lottery balls with the text The Parenting Lottery

 

The Lie In

Normally I am woken up by a little voice saying “Mummy” approximately two millimetres away from my face.  That’s if he’s not prising my eyelids open.  And of course it’s always at some ridiculously early hour, just to add insult to the poke in the eye.  Winning the lottery for me would be…

3rd Prize 

The kids play happily for half an hour before waking you up at 6:30am.

2nd Prize

The kids play happily for half an hour before waking Daddy up at 6:30am.  The husband gets up with the kids and lets you lie in for an hour.

1st Prize

The kids play happily for half an hour before waking Daddy up at 6:30am.  The husband gets up with the kids and lets you lie in for as long as you want.  At some point Gerard Butler brings you breakfast in bed (because the husband is busy with the kids.)

Please note that both kids sleeping for an extra hour is not a prize as both kids simultaneously lying is an urban myth.  It does not happen.  Ever.

 

Eating Out as a Family

Normally a cause for much stress, wasted money and indigestion from having to inhale your food so fast, but you could win…

3rd Prize

A family meal out with no food thrown on the floor, and the food isn’t the temperature of the sun when it is served to your hungry offspring.

2nd Prize

A family meal out with no food thrown on the floor, and the food isn’t the temperature of the sun when it is served to your hungry offspring.  There is no whinging or whining, and at no point do you have to bribe anyone with ice cream.  You also get to eat your meal at a relaxed speed and actually enjoy it.

1st Prize

A family meal out with no food thrown on the floor, and the food isn’t the temperature of the sun when it is served to your hungry offspring.  There is no whinging or whining, and at no point do you have to bribe anyone with ice cream.  You also get to eat your meal at a relaxed speed and actually enjoy it.  Strangers compliment you on your beautifully polite children with exceptional table manners.  The kids chat happily to each other, and you and your husband finish a conversation.  The meal is lovingly prepared by Jamie Oliver, and the deserts are calorie free.

 

The School Run:

Normally a cause of stress, shouting, and the desire to drink wine before 9am.  But hit that jackpot and you could be smug mummy at the school gates.

3rd Prize

The kids don’t argue so you have time to straighten your hair and apply make-up before you leave the house.

2nd Prize 

The kids don’t argue so you have time to straighten your hair and apply make-up before you leave the house.  Nobody spills their breakfast over their uniform, everyone knows where there book bags are, and you only have to ask them to get their shoes on once.

1st prize

The kids don’t argue so you have time to straighten your hair and apply make-up before you leave the house.  Nobody spills their breakfast over their uniform, everyone knows where there book bags, are and you only have to ask them to get their shoes on once.  You leave the house on time, the sun is shining, no one has an epic meltdown about not wanting to do PE today, and the toddler doesn’t try to make a run for it.  You arrive at school calm and happy without ever having raised your voice.

NB – I don’t think any kid has ever put their shoes on the first time of asking in the entire history of the world.

 

The odds of winning the Euro Millions seem pretty good now don’t they!

What would your parenting lottery first prize be?  

This post has been written in collaboration with Lottoland.

 

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How Many Eyes do you need for the school run Napkin and place setting with the text how to have an enjoyable meal out with kids.  

 

 

 

 

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Claire Kirby

19 Comments on The Parenting Lottery

  1. Great wish list! Mine would be no fighting between the children.The sound of happy and animated laughter would be akin to a round the world cruise with free booze….bloody bliss!#fridayfrolics

  2. I have never, ever won on any of these. I would like very much to win on the lie-in tomorrow but doubtful to say the least. In fact, the child may lie in til 6.30-7 in the week – but come the weekend and it’s a 5am start x #fridayfrolics

  3. I’ve won the sleep lottery a few times, when my daughter has, inexplicably, decided to sleep until 8am. She’s normally up by 6:30 or so, so it felt like the longest, most luxurious lie-in ever. #FridayFrolics

  4. The butler comes with scrambled eggs on toast, smoked salmon and big pot of indian tea. He’s good at massages too. (husbands hands would be a bit cold and sudsy from all the washing up first thing). Please don’t tell him. jo x

  5. My parenting lotto prize would definitely be a lie in performed by both children until 9am on a Sunday! My two have never ever had a lie in on the same day so I actually think I’ve got more chance of winning the lotto than winning that lotto prize! You nailed the school run! #fridayfrolics

  6. I know I’m getting desperate when I decide to buy a lottery ticket! I’ll take the sleep lottery prize please, Gerard Butler or no Gerard Butler, imagine a lie in! #FridayFrolics

  7. When it comes to sleep, I have definitely won the lottery. Peachy sleeps for 12 hours every night. She will only need me during the night if a) she is sick, b) she has a nightmare. She has been sleeping through the night since she’s been 2 months old. I hit the jackpot there. #FridayFrolics

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