As I was having the daily argument with Big about putting his coat on this morning, it dawned on me the different stages we go through of wearing a coat during our lifetime.

Coats when you are a baby

Let’s face it coats are way too big and puffy for babies. They just look like this…

But then baby coats often have ears, or they are an all in one job, like a giant padded onesie that makes the babies slippery little suckers to hold on to. But they are babies, and whether they are rocking the Maggie Simpson look, or sporting the ears, they all look cute. And we all have days when we kind of wish we could walk around in a giant padded onesie.

Coats when you are aged three to seven

It’s not a coat. It’s a cape. Only to be word around the neck as you fly around doing superhero stuff. Don’t look too close as the coats at this stage are likely to be filthy from jumping in muddy puddles, rolling around on the floor and dragging your arms down every wall or fence that you walk pass.

This is also the only stage where it is socially acceptable to wear a coat emblazoned with the characters form the TV programmes you watch. If this was ok for adults I would currently be walking around in a coat with Idris Elbas brooding face on it. It would probably be grey.

wearing a coat

Coats when you are aged seven to eleven

You will wear a coat although you will make a loud protest about it. You are also very particular about the style and colour of the coat. And you will forget about said coat the moment you take it off and leave it in school, in the playground, at the park, round your mates house. Coats are just something your Mum makes you do.

Coats when you are aged eleven to eighteen

The stage when you are far too cool to wear a coat. In fact it would seem wearing a coat would make you a social outcast. It makes no difference if it’s raining, windy or if you are freezing you nips or bollocks off. No self respecting teenager would be seen out in a coat.

I don’t know who made the rule. But it was a rule when I was a teenager, and judging by the teenagers who walk pass my house on their way home from school, it is still a rule now.

Coats when you are aged eighteen to thirty

It is acceptable to now both own and wear a coat at this stage. You might even own more than one. You are more than happy to wear your coat in public unless you are on a night out.

In which case you are happy to go out on a cold December evening in a mini dress and no tights and leave your coat at home. Anything to avoid the queue for the coat room. Although I’ve no idea why there is a queue because judging from the girls shivering in the taxi rank at the end of the night, no one uses it.

Coats when you are aged thirty to sixty-five

The best thing about being post 30 is you can now where a coat whenever the weather dictates it is necessary. In fact people will look at you strangely if it’s cold out and you are not wearing a coat.

This is the stage when your collection of varying styles of coat can become quite large. Having spent most of your life so far avoiding this functional yet fashionable clothing, you are now embracing it. Winter coats, rain coats, smart coats, macs, denim jackets, biker jackets some kind of light weight spring jacket. You are even eyeing up a blazer.

Coats when you are aged sixty-five and over

You are never seen out without your coat on. Even in a 30 degree heatwave.

I feel like I am at that stage of my life where I spend most of my time getting other people to wear coats!

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Claire Kirby

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