Here are some sure fire signs to tell if you have a teething baby:
You have bags under your eyes big enough for a trip to New York in the January sales. With a good exchange rate to boot. No amount of Toche Eclat can save you from these bad boys. Sunglasses are the only answer. Even if you are indoors.
You have the mother of all back aches. You thought being pregnant and 10 days overdue was bad! Your spine is being put through it’s paces. You spent so long bent double over the cot last night that you wondered if you would ever be able to stand straight again. Your back is literally screaming at you to go get a massage, but apart from the obvious fact that you cannot detract yourself from a screaming baby, you would have to remove the sunglasses in public, and that is not going to happen. You may not have showered for 2 days but you still have some self respect.
You can’t stop rocking from side to side. You’ve been doing it for 48 hours straight with a baby in your arms and now it is impossible to stop. You rock whilst brushing your teeth. You rock whilst stood at the stove. You rock at the supermarket checkout for the 5 minutes you have escaped to stock up on Calpol and wine. People look at you as if you are unhinged. A woman with what can only be described as ‘bed head’, clutching wine, rocking side to side, wearing slippers and sunglasses. It’s not your finest hour.
You have completely exhausted your repertoire of songs. You’ve done the classics, you’ve mixed it up with some modern stuff because you are down with the kids. You’ve even gone old school and thrown in some Tiffany. If this was a disco you’d be having a ball. If only your audience was more appreciative. I think we’re alone now, the screaming of your lungs is the only sound…
Everything you own has damp patches on the shoulders. You are no longer sure if it is baby dribble, snot or tears. Hell it might even be some of your own. At this point you don’t care. You are going to live in your pajamas from now on in, as it doesn’t look like you will ever be leaving the house again.
If you have nodded in agreement to all of these then there is a high chance you are the parent of a teething baby. Unfortunately there is no cure, although wine and chocolate can ease the symptoms. Good luck. See you on the other side.
Of course these are also the signs of being a parent of a baby with colic, a baby with a cold, a baby with a fever, and a baby who thinks sleep is for chumps.
Maybe I should rename this post: Signs You Have a
Teething Baby. (Just in case your shot pelvic floor muscles weren’t enough of a give away).
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