Did you spend Saturday night reminiscing about how the clocks going back used to mean an extra hour of partying in your finest, or a delicious extra hour under the duvet?  All the while knowing that those days are gone and your extra hour will be spent negotiating with your children to go back to bed for an hour!  I feel your pain.

The extra hour signifies the start of a battle in our house.  It’s a battle of epic proportions and it will be fought until we lose the extra hour.  It’s the battle of light verses darkness. My husband is a very environmentally conscious man.  He will recycle anything and everything (even things that can’t be recycled – but that’s another battle).  He cycles to work to reduce his carbon footprint.  And he would rather live in darkness than use electricity.


Now I respect his views, I share most of them, but I do feel that lights are a necessity. They do this really clever thing of helping me see where I am going and stopping me from stubbing my toes on table legs.  I don’t leave lights on everywhere I go, it’s not like my house resembles the Blackpool Illuminations, but I will leave the landing light on when I go to the bathroom for all of a minute.  This is where the battle lines are drawn.  My husband has this in-built sensor that knows when there is an area being lit with no human presence.  Whilst I am spending my minute in the bathroom he creeps ninja like to the landing light switch and turns it off.  When I emerge from the bathroom and switch off the bathroom light I am plunged into unexpected darkness and at sudden high risk of toe stubbing injuries.  And although I am 35 years old I don’t like walking in the dark.  I mean there’s doors and things to walk past and you never know what’s lurking behind them.  OK I may have been a little bit scarred by watching horror films at a young age.  But lights are there for a reason.  Namely to be USED!



So this is not my actual hallway, but dark hallways are spooky, right?

It drives me mad.  It makes me use swear words.  Factor into this battle the little people we live with.  My eldest son has reached the age where he can go to the toilet independently, he can even wipe his own bum (yay!).  However he is not yet tall enough to reach the light switches.  Combine this with the fact that he is at an age where monsters and baddies hide round every corner, the dark can be quite a scary place (see, it’s not just me!)  But it’s fine, we have a system.  I leave the hallway light on and the landing light on and he can make his way to the bathroom or to his bedroom without needing my assistance.  The system works.  That is unless the light ninja is home.  Then we have a situation where my son is doing the toilet dance because he is too scared to enter the pitch black hallway and he requires my help.  Normally at a time when I am feeding the baby or changing his bum.  Me asking him to wait a moment can spark a full on meltdown, and light ninja can’t understand why none of us will walk around in the dark. Just leave the friggin’ lights alone!!!

I have a new battle plan.  Next time he is happily roaming the hallways in the dark (OK roaming is a bit extreme, it’s a terraced house not a castle) I will be waiting.  I’m going to strategically place objects in his path ready for toe contact.  I am going to hide round corners and scare the beejebas out of him.  I am going to make him see that lights are the way forward.  The future’s bright.  The future’s orange.  Well yellowy anyway!  And there’s definitely no broken toes in the future, not mine at least!  In the meantime, if you happen to pass my house and see lights flashing on and off enough to induce and epileptic fit, then you will know we are at war.

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Claire Kirby

5 Comments on Kept in the dark

  1. Haha! Creeping like a ninja – your husband and I would NOT get on. I can’t be faffed with any more toe stubbing, head banging, crashing and waking the baby risks than are absolutely necessary. You should definitely do the object challenge *evil laugh*

  2. Lol I did giggle! He’d have a nightmare in our house – the toilet light is on all night!!!! We also have a plug in moonlight in the girls room but it’s very cheap to run and offers reassurance. I feel your pain though, C was a light ninja for a few weeks when doing energy at school, thankfully it was short lives

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