I am a huge fan of Cbeebies. What self respecting parent isn’t. It enables me to hang the washing out, pee without an audience, and sometimes even drink a hot cup of tea. There are days when Cbeebies is an actual life saver. Like the day both the husband and I were playing tag with a sickness bug. If we didn’t have our head down the toilet we were led on the sofa praying for mercy and thanking the lord that Cbeebies was looking after the kids. If only Katy could actually materialise in our living room and ‘I can cook‘ something up for the kids tea.
It’s on days like these though that your mind begins to wonder and you ask yourself questions such as;
But the program that I question most is the annoyingly sweet and infuriatingly unrealistic Topsy & Tim and their Smug Face Mummy. And I am not alone. My post The Top 5 Misdemeanors of Topsy and Tim remains one of my most popular posts to date. Because for every episode of the ever-so-polite-and-very-tall-for-their-age twintastic duo, there are a hundred questions that zoom around my head and torture me. And a little analysis of my blog stats and referrers tells me that you too have burning questions. So for all of you who would rather stick your head in the oven than watch
Monotony & Dim Topsy & Tim, know that you are not alone.
Here are the top 10 questions* mind-numbingly bored parents have asked google about Topsy & Tim. If anyone has any answers more enlightening (and correct) than mine, then please put us all out of our misery. Except for the last question. The answer to that one is definitely no.
1 How does Topsy & Tim’s Mum stay so calm?
She’s a robot. No other explanation. I mean did you see the one where they dropped the cupcakes. She didn’t even raise a perfectly groomed eyebrow, let alone her voice.
2 How old are Topsy & Tim?
Clearly a good few years older than the characters they portray. If it carries on at this rate Tim’s going to start talking in a squeaky voice and they will have to do an episode where Topsy gets her first training bra.
3 Does Topsy wear a wig?
Not sure, but what are those pigtails about? Maybe she got them from lilyhair wigs.
4 Are Topsy & Tim really twins?
No. Do you really care?
5 What is Topsy short for?
Topsy turvy? I have no idea but it is the second most ridiculous girls name ever, only being topped by the offspring of Kim & Kanye, North West.
6 Do Topsy & Tim have false teeth?
Probably. Otherwise they would have had to do an episode where Smug Face Mummy takes the twins to the dentist to find out why the tooth fairy has to visit 4-year olds so often. And we all know it’s not because of sweets. Smug Face Mummy would never bribe her kids with sweets.
7 Is Topsy & Tim’s Mummy having a baby?
Please let this be true in the program. Please lets see Smug Face Mummy after two hours sleep, a colicy baby, and no time to shower. Surely then some cracks must appear?
8 Why are Topsy & Tim so annoying?
Personally I blame most of it on Smug Face Mummy. Although Smarmy Daddy plays his part.
9 What do Topsy & Tim Look like now?
Pretty much the same, although check this space in 5 years. Which one will be the hot movie star and which one will be topping the Where Are They Now lists?
10 Is Topsy & Tim’s Dad is hot?
If you googled this you need to remove the wine goggles immediately (I understand the urge to drink when this program is on, but seriously?) Please begin watching back to back movies starring Brad Pitt and Gerard Butler to regain some perspective in your life. Smarmy Daddy is not a socially acceptable guilty pleasure either. Step away from Cbeebies. NOW!
A little visual graphic to highlight my last point.
So there you have it. Is this the most annoying program on Cbeebies? Or are there others that raise so many questions you have to turn to google for help?
*Taken from my WordPress stats and in no way official or anything.
Check out my other posts relating to kids TV:
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