I am a huge fan of Cbeebies. What self respecting parent isn’t. It enables me to hang the washing out, pee without an audience, and sometimes even drink a hot cup of tea. There are days when Cbeebies is an actual life saver. Like the day both the husband and I were playing tag with a sickness bug. If we didn’t have our head down the toilet we were led on the sofa praying for mercy and thanking the lord that Cbeebies was looking after the kids. If only Katy could actually materialise in our living room and ‘I can cook‘ something up for the kids tea.
It’s on days like these though that your mind begins to wonder and you ask yourself questions such as;
But the program that I question most is the annoyingly sweet and infuriatingly unrealistic Topsy & Tim and their Smug Face Mummy. And I am not alone. My post The Top 5 Misdemeanors of Topsy and Tim remains one of my most popular posts to date. Because for every episode of the ever-so-polite-and-very-tall-for-their-age twintastic duo, there are a hundred questions that zoom around my head and torture me. And a little analysis of my blog stats and referrers tells me that you too have burning questions. So for all of you who would rather stick your head in the oven than watch Monotony & Dim Topsy & Tim, know that you are not alone.
Here are the top 10 questions* mind-numbingly bored parents have asked google about Topsy & Tim. If anyone has any answers more enlightening (and correct) than mine, then please put us all out of our misery. Except for the last question. The answer to that one is definitely no.
1 How does Topsy & Tim’s Mum stay so calm?
She’s a robot. No other explanation. I mean did you see the one where they dropped the cupcakes. She didn’t even raise a perfectly groomed eyebrow, let alone her voice.
2 How old are Topsy & Tim?
Clearly a good few years older than the characters they portray. If it carries on at this rate Tim’s going to start talking in a squeaky voice and they will have to do an episode where Topsy gets her first training bra.
3 Does Topsy wear a wig?
Not sure, but what are those pigtails about? Maybe she got them from lilyhair wigs.
4 Are Topsy & Tim really twins?
No. Do you really care?
5 What is Topsy short for?
Topsy turvy? I have no idea but it is the second most ridiculous girls name ever, only being topped by the offspring of Kim & Kanye, North West.
6 Do Topsy & Tim have false teeth?
Probably. Otherwise they would have had to do an episode where Smug Face Mummy takes the twins to the dentist to find out why the tooth fairy has to visit 4-year olds so often. And we all know it’s not because of sweets. Smug Face Mummy would never bribe her kids with sweets.
7 Is Topsy & Tim’s Mummy having a baby?
Please let this be true in the program. Please lets see Smug Face Mummy after two hours sleep, a colicy baby, and no time to shower. Surely then some cracks must appear?
8 Why are Topsy & Tim so annoying?
Personally I blame most of it on Smug Face Mummy. Although Smarmy Daddy plays his part.
9 What do Topsy & Tim Look like now?
Pretty much the same, although check this space in 5 years. Which one will be the hot movie star and which one will be topping the Where Are They Now lists?
10 Is Topsy & Tim’s Dad is hot?
If you googled this you need to remove the wine goggles immediately (I understand the urge to drink when this program is on, but seriously?) Please begin watching back to back movies starring Brad Pitt and Gerard Butler to regain some perspective in your life. Smarmy Daddy is not a socially acceptable guilty pleasure either. Step away from Cbeebies. NOW!
A little visual graphic to highlight my last point.
So there you have it. Is this the most annoying program on Cbeebies? Or are there others that raise so many questions you have to turn to google for help?
*Taken from my WordPress stats and in no way official or anything.
Check out my other posts relating to kids TV:
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Hi, I’m from the US and started watching “Topsy and Tim”, just to see what it was and I have a serious question, why do the kids call their friends’ parents by their first names when they’re 4 and 5 then, by the time the twins are 6 or 7, they’ve gone to calling them by their proper suffix and last name? I mean, really? Why are they copying their mom when they’re 4 and 5 and then suddenly, they’re being respectful? It’s so weird. Also, if my kids ever did that with me, they’d get a talking to. There’s no way my kids will be calling their friends’ moms and dads by their first names.
I think it’s a cultural thing. In the UK it’s common practice to use first names, unless it’s a teacher.
Why do they never argue (have they been slippeed to much calpol)?
How is the house so tidy?
Why does the mother never lose her shit?
Why do they never argue?
How is the house so tidy?
NO MOTHER OF TWINS HAS EVER SAID ‘Twintastic’.
And how is their house so goddamn tidy?
Also I’m Coco in Bing bunny and I cannot answer any of those questions.
Hi, I play Topsy. 1. The fringe is a wig but not the rest of it. 2. When I filmed it is was 7 but I am now 11gping on 12. 3. Tim (Josh) is super annoying. 4. Topsy is a stupid name I agree. 5. He is totally NOT HOT .
Hi Jocelyn. Thanks for answering the questions. My boys love Topsy & Tim and my youngest is currently obsessed with Bing. As you can see I think about these things way too much! I would love to interview you if you have the time. My email is admin@lifeloveanddirtydishes.com if you or your parents or agent would like to get in touch. I can send the questions via email. Thanks again for commenting.
My kids just started watching this show. It’s so cute!
Oh so late on my commenting this week!
Reading this I am very glad I only have to see Ceebeebies when I am in Ireland for a visit. That said, German children’s TV is fairly bad in its own way.
Thanks for hosting this Claire.
#fridayfrolics
Ha ha! I love this! 🙂 I have only seen this abomination at friends houses, we are firmly team nick jnr here! Thank the lord! Thanks for linking up to #TheList x
Ha ha ha! I’ll be honest – I dislike Topsy and Tim so much I have to turn the telly off when it comes on… but I get what you mean about their age… and their on screen mother. Do you think she purposefully does the smug thing to make all the other mums angry??
Great post! xXx
#thelisyt
Haha cebeebies has been a lifesaver, I would be lost without it!
But Topsy and Tim and there perfect mum grrrrr!
It made me howl the title of this post and you have a good point! I definately think they are older then they are to their character age.
#thelist
Haha – number 10! Surely worse than potentially thinking he is hot, is needing guidance on whether you think he’s hot! It is a weird programme – I try not to watch it! But I have questions about so many CBeebies programmes – in fact, I have done posts on it (Topsy & Tim were included)! #fridayfrolics
Hahahaha I love this! I hadn’t questioned if her hair was a wig, but now that all I’m going to think about. I do spend my time having lots of questions about Bing though as that’s our most watched show! xx
Yes she makes me want to poke her in the eye with one of topsy’s strange pigtails. She is actually more smug than Bono, and he is a veritable beacon of sanctimonious smugness if ever I saw one. As we are up before Cbeebies starts, we are big fans of “me too!” although no-one else I know seems to watch this and I feel like I am living in an alternate universe whenever I talk about it and am met with blank faces. It has been on the schedule at 6am for years, but never at another time, and I feel like it is beamed only into my house. Nanny Murray is much like Smug mummy in the irritation stakes. I bloody love your blog. xxxxxxxxxxxx
Very good! I hate Topsy & Tim and their twintastically smug mum has come under fire in my #fridayfrolics offering too!
Oh I remember the books when I was growing up!! I didn’t even realise they had turned it into a kids programme. I’m so glad my boy is 10 and has no interest in CBeebies anymore! You’re right though, it was an absolute life saver at times when he was growing up. x #FridayFrolics
This makes me laugh. I do love a bit of Topsy and Tim bashing…and Cbeebies bashing in general (although please don’t remove it, my life would be over) Tim drives me up the wall, I know he’s only meant to be five but he’s such a pansy. Like, seriously, man up. I’ve always wondered what Flopp was!? It’s can’t be Bings dad can it? My daughter LOVES something special and I actually think of ways in my head that I would torture Mr Tumble if I had half the chance. He drives me bonkers. I’m getting all agitated just thinking about him…
#coolmumclub
Hahaha I have never been subjected to Topsy And Tim but I remember the books from when I was younger! I have to admit, Topsys hair does look like a wig!!! Really made me laugh, thank you! #fridayfrolics
We’ve graduated from Cbeebies to CBBC and the world of Tracy Beaker. I can’t say I’ve missed the ninky nonk and make a pakka and his odd rock obsession!!
I have never seen Topsy and Tim – hallelujah
But I have the answer to your flop question – Flop is an old school bunny toy from the olden days hence he is smaller than the massive creation from today…..
Smug Mummy and Smug Daddy.
You’re right, they never loose their sh*t and that’s totally unrealistic. These smug parents are what’s giving us ‘normal’ parents a complexe and requiring us to seek solace from each other via the medium of blogging….
I really can’t stand Mr Maker. There’s nothing fun for my kids watching him make stuff which they’d love to make themselves, only for them to ask me if we have all the things required for the latest make to which I ALWAYS reply, no. No I don’t have a large box, 5 yards of fake turf, some ornate whittled birds or a rainbow selection of glitter glue….
Brilliant post!
#Fridayfrolics
I do love a Cbeebies ranty post! And we ALL love a bit of Topsy & Tims mum bashing!
My personal WORST show is Me Too…you know, the one you only endure if your kids got up at a totally unearthly hour? It’s bad. Really bad. I hope you are blessed with sleepers and may have never experienced the god awful cheese…!
Love this post…Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub
Oh my God this is hysterical! All the things I have thought about Topsy and Tim. I have to admit I do quite like it though. My all time hate is Little Charley Bear. And it doesn’t help that my little one is in love with the show at the moment. James flipping Corden and his narration drives me nuts.
I like Bing, but I do wonder what the whole set up is and yes what is Flop?
‘And that’ said Siena Says ‘was that!’
Ha Ha. I quite like Charlie, only because James Corden is a guilty pleasure of mine 😉
this is so so brilliant! We do switch this off when it comes on (my two prefer cartoons as they’re quite young) and I have always wondered why on earth she was called Topsy? And completely with you on in the night garden – what were they smoking?! #coolmumclub
Kids TV was so much better in the 80s! This sounds horrendous lol #TwinklyTuesday
Debbie
I totally agree with all the points above. In the Night Garden..What The Hell.
But it totally mesmorizes my little ones. :/
Topsy & Tim really annoys me, I dont even like it on in the background.
Everything is so perfect in their life, even Topsy’s stupid, never moving, no loose hair buns.
THIS IS NOT REALISTIC.
Haha
Frankly, I don’t question it, I just thank God it exists otherwise nothing would have ever got done! We missed Topsy & Tim, but I had the same thoughts about In the Night Garden? What were they smoking?!
You make me feel glad mine have grown out of kids programmes! #TwinklyTuesday
I’ve only just encountered Topsy and Tim and it’s rapidly jumped to the top of my most hated list! The twins are awful, and the mum really is the definition of smug perfect mum. I’ve clearly not watched much though as I can recognise the complete lack of hotness in the Dad! #bigpinklink
Too much Topsy & Tim is bad for your health!
This made me laugh- a lot! It blew my mind a little when Topsy and Tim’s Mum was also in Eastenders and sleeping with Max. I kept getting confused (i blame the tiredness) and would find myself shouting at the TV but what about Topsy and Tim’s Dad!!!!
#twinklytuesday
ha ha! not so perfect after all is she!
Ha this is so funny!! I’ve had many a burning question about this programme. Namely are they really twins? They’re not – great casting though eh? They look so alike! Why is their Mum so bloody nice and calm? Also, without wanting to be rude (um, I’m going to be anyway), the Dad is blatantly punching above his weight with his wife. Why do the kids get on so well? Why are they always so kind to each other? When I’m having a really shit day, their suburbia smugness really jars me off. And yes, I do need to find more things to get wound up about OTHER THAN A BLOODY KIDS PROGRAMME.
PS. I agree, what mind altering drugs were the creators of In The Night Garden on??
What is it about Topsy & Tim that winds me up more than any other kids show?!
I play Topsy, and no we are not real twins! We may get along way on screen, but behind the scenes…..that’s another story!
Excellent post. It’s funny how kids TVs characters push our buttons. The two twins are certainly in that group. But so is Peter Rabbit who causes chaos for the local residents and openly takes things that aren’t his. Grrrrrrr #bigpinklink
Benjamin bunny is cute though 😉
Hahahaha!!! This is too funny!! We don’t always have cbeebies on, as my children are starting to migrate to Nick Jr, but my burning question regarding Smug Faced Mummy’s pregnancy was ‘is Anna Acton (yes, I actually knew her real name!) pregnant in real life?’ And yes, I googled it!! No, she wasn’t, as I’m sure you’re wondering…! And someone suggested to me that those blond ends sticking out of Topsy’s hair are fake, something I’d never noticed before, and NOW I CAN’T UNSEE IT!!
Loved this!
I had an official tweet back from Cbeebies grown ups. It’s not a wig, but the fringe is fake!!!
I play Topsy, my hair is naturally blonde on the ends. It from swimming and the sun. The fringe was fake though.
Is Topsy and Tim’s dad hot? Just had me howling!! Oh I have all of this to look forward to, I still get to watch whatever I like at the moment! #bigpinklink
enjoy it whilst you can. There’s a whole new world of bizarre and irritating for you to discover!
I am definitely in the I hate Topsy & Tim camp. Cbeebies isn’t on much in my house now (kids are 5 & 9) it’s all about the Disney channel now & largely annoying American singing dramas. Argh! #big pink link lifeinthemumslane
Love this post! all questions I have wondered myself!, wish I was a calm as Topsy & Tims mum & dad!, must be great to be perfect, even if you are a made up Cbeebies family haha!
My other half loves T&T. I loathe it with a passion. Mainly Smug Face Mummy, who never kicks off when T&T are being turds. Which they are. A lot. He thinks shes a wonderful Mummy…!!!!! #bigpinklink
Hehe, this cracked me up! Thankfully we’ve mostly avoided CBeebies so far – Marianna is obsessed with Rainbow on DVD / YouTube / wherever we can find it. If you put something else on, she cries for it! It has many many questions of its own though. Not least why Bungle is too embarrassed to let their next door neighbour see him in his swimming trunks in the garden, but habitually goes round her house stark naked… #bigpinklink
There is no logic to kids TV!
This actually made me laugh out load. The question that mostly goes through my mind when watching Topsy and Tim is how can my child actually be enjoying this?!?!
My recent weird non-acceptable crush is Andy from Cbeebies (seriously WTF?) but I’m entirely blaming that on pregnancy and am hoping/praying my hotness compass will return to normal after the baby arrives.
xx
Google Dr Ranj. I did and now have a major crush!
I LOVE DR Ranj and his impossibly perfect massive eyebrows, he’s got a right cheeky glint in his eye though…
Ah, the questions that float through our head when watching CBeebies. I have millions! I never really used to like Topsy and Tim, but I’ll admit, they’ve grown on me slightly over the past few weeks. Maybe because I’m starting to crush on the mum…
Step away from that TV NOW Dave!
I love this post but your questions about Bing and Flop are my favourite bit! There’s an episode where Flop won’t let Bing carry Charlie because Charlie is too big. But then how the heck does Flop lift him?? Flop also has no fingers! How does he look after Bing single-handedly without opposable thumbs??! Why is Flop seemingly a sack toy thing but Bing is a proper bunny??? Where’s Bing’s mom? Is Flop even his dad?? Why do they say “Aitchee!” after a sneeze when literally NO-ONE says that?!? Why is Bing such a little sh*t!?!?
Ok, I need to breathe.
I think someone needs to watch a little less Bing 😉
Hi I play Coco, Flop is Bing’s carer just like Sula has Amma and stuff. If I were you I’d blame the author.
I have wondered a lot about the baby question. In one episode Smug Face Mummy was heavily pregnant, clearly about to give birth, and then the mysterious bump was suddenly never seen again. This is a shame. In the books, as they were in the 1980s when I read them as a tot, T and T had a little sister called Tansy who was, mysteriously, of a different ethnicity to the rest of the family. I was hoping that Smug Face Mummy had had an affair, and that Tansy was the result.
I admit I do actually sit down and watch Topsy and Tim with my 3 year olds but something was bugging me about their house that I couldn’t quite put my finger on until I realised that unlike most normal houses with pre-schoolers they have no signs of Peppa Pig, Frozen, Bob the Builder etc. I can buy into the rest of the factual inaccuracies but that is a step too far.xx
so true!
These are great questions. I do try to remind my daughter that they fictional characters but she still wants to know why she can’t meet them at the park. Do you think the “messy side buns” are because she had really long hair. Love the point about teeth. Thank you for understand my daily pain. (On Demand ceebies).
Awesome post! I hate Topsy and Tim’s Mum. She never seems disturbed by anything. Also, aren’t the twins meant to be six?!
They have never once called each other a ‘poo poo head’. It’s not normal!!!