As we enter the third week of lock down and working from home, chances are you have taken part in some kind of video conference call. And chances are if you are a parent, a small person has interrupted that conference call with something of vital importance to say.

Conference calls with kids around require a new level of multitasking, increased stress levels, and a few raised eyebrows!

conference calls with kids

25 things you don’t want to hear or say on a conference call…

1 “MUMMY COME SEE MY MASSIVE POO.”


2 “Daddy why does that man have no hair?” *Points to your boss.

3 “Mummy I found this in your bedside drawer…”

4 “Daddy is that the lady who you said was a pain in your arse?”

5 “Darling please stop licking your brother.”

6 “Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Muuummmyyy, MUUUUUUMMMMMYYYYYYY.”

7 “I’ll sing the wheels on the bus with you in just a minute ok. No it’s ok don’t cry, we’ll do it soon. Shhhhh, Please shhhh. OK, Mummy will sing, shhhh, ‘The wheels on the bus go round and round’.”

8 “Yes you can quickly show these people your lovely drawing of err, ummm, a umm peni… Oh it’s an elephant!”

9 “Daddy, what is a bell end?”

10 “Mummy I’ve got rice crispies stuck up my nose.”

11 “Daddy the dog done a wee wee on the carpet…

12 and the baby is licking it.”

13″I’m a friendly light up bear, I’ll sing you one two three…”

14 “Please can you stop smacking your bottom, and put your pants back on.”

15 “No that’s not Granddad darling. That’s Marge from accounts.”

16 “Mummy I accidentally spilled all the glitter. In the toaster.”

17 “Mummy I farted and it was louder than one of yours.”

18 “Daddy look I made a necklace…” *proudly shows off necklace made of tampons.

19 “My mummy said you don’t pay her enough.”

20 “Daddy look I’m a snowman…” *enter child who got into the Sudocrem.

21 “Baaabyyy shark do do do do.”

22 “Don’t put your brother in a headlock.”

23 “What’s that you’ve got for me a sweetheart? Oh a bogie. Thanks.”

24 *Hysterical fever pitch wailing “He poked his tongue out at me.”

25 “Please excuse my appearance. My four year old has just finished giving me a makeover before you requested this urgent meeting on my day off.”

conference calls with kids

There’s a reason kids are rarely seen in the workplace.

Well done to all the parents out there trying to work and parent at the same time, and big up all the bosses who have a sense of humour about it all, and are being understanding.

If you’ve had any amusing conference calls with kids interrupting please share in the comments.

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Claire Kirby

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