When you reach that stage of pregnancy where it’s obvious that you have a bun in the oven and haven’t been eating too many cakes, you suddenly become ‘approachable’ to strangers. People you don’t know, or those you occasionally nod to will suddenly want to talk to you and know everything about your unborn baby. They might be well meaning, but you might find yourself not knowing how to respond when they ask you things they should not say to a pregnant woman. Instead you do that polite fake laugh thing…….
1 Was it planned?
I don’t know how to answer questions from strangers regarding my sex life. Is it better to say,
“Yes. We decided we wanted a baby so I worked out when I was ovulating, put on my best lingerie and we got down to it. Afterwards I laid with my legs in the air for 30 minutes because I’ve heard gravity helps.”
Or do you say,
“No. We had a few to many drinks and had a quick fumble in the car park outside McKlusky’s, and now I’m up the duff.”
What would you rather hear?
2 Do you know the sex?
If you are going to ask, don’t be disappointed with the answer.
“Oh watch out for those teenage years”
“Oh you are going to have your hands full”
“We haven’t found out”
“Oh I couldn’t possibly do that. I would have to know. How do you know what to buy?”
If you are going to respond with anything other than, “That’s Lovely”, don’t ask.
3 Are you expecting twins?
“Do you want a punch in the face?”
4 Haven’t you had that baby yet?
Ha ha ha ha ha. You are so funny. No I haven’t had the baby yet. My waddling around with this massive fucking bump and no baby in my arms is a bit of a giveaway to the dumbest question on earth. I’m overdue, I’m fed up, and if one more person tells me how to get this baby out…
5 Are you going to have more?
Can I finish cooking this one first?
6 That’s the next 18 years of your life gone!
Normally accompanied with comments about never sleeping again and much gfawing
7 My friend had a nightmare birth. She was in labour for 6 days.
Helpful. So helpful and reassuring and not at all terrifying to hear that right now.
8 Can you pick that up please?
I’m wearing flip flops in November because I cannot tie my own shoes. No. No I can’t pick that up. But if I could I would shove it….
Then of course there is the universal never ever ask a woman, “Are you pregnant?”…
What were you asked when you were pregnant that you found difficult to answer? What’s you top thing that you should not say to a pregnant woman?
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