I don’t need an alarm clock.  I haven’t had one since 2009.  Instead I have a kid who wakes me up at a ridiculously early time each morning for the following reasons…

(I believe only one of them was actually worth waking me up for)

reasons my kid wakes me up image of an unmade bed

My kid wakes me up…

1 To tell me has done a poo.

2 To tell me he had a dream about Pokemon. I was dreaming about Gerard Butler and a chocolate fountain before you woke up.

3 By prising my eyelids open.

4 By falling over on the way to waking me up.

5 To tell me has finished reading his book.

6 To ask me what day it is.

7 To ask me to take the head off of a Lego figure. This is near on impossible when your hands didn’t get the message about waking up.

8 To ask me if he can go watch TV.

9 To tell me he’s hungry.

10 Because I can hear him wailing singing along to his CD’s from the next room.

11 By being 1 inch from my face and staring at me like a crazy stalker.

12 To tell me he has the Chicken Pox. He didn’t.

13 Too ask me where his red felt tip pen is.

14 To show me the lightening scar he has drawn on his head so he is Harry Potter – after the red pen was found!

15 He heard a noise.

16 Because he is hot.

17 Because he is cold.

18 Because the sun is shinning.

19 Because the sun isn’t shinning.

20 Waking me up to tell me had the chicken pox. He did.

21 To ask me if his tooth is wobbly.  It wasn’t.

22 To tell me he has forgotten what he wanted to tell me. Seriously?

23 To ask me to buy the Lego Ninjago magazine.

24 By rattling his money box in my ear.

25 To show be the drawing he has just done.

26 To ask me if he needs to wear glasses.

27 To ask me what we are doing today.

28 To ask me what my favourite colour is.

29 To ask me what my favourite One Direction song is.

30 To ask me who my favourite Pokemon character is.

31 To ask me if I know what Johnny did at school yesterday. Despite when I asked him what happened at school yesterday at a far more reasonable hour, he couldn’t remember a thing.

32 To tell me he knows his teachers first name.

33 Because he needs to blow his nose.

34 Because there’s a spider in his room. You’re waking the wrong person up for that one.

35 To ask me if it’s Summer. Normally in January.

36 To tell me the label in his top is annoying him.

37 To tell me is playing with his Lego figures.

38 By sneaking into bed next to me and then fidgeting and kicking me in the shin.

39 Waking me up to tell me he has a paper cut.

40 Waking me up by not actually waking me up.  Instead I wake up with my heart pounding wondering where he is and if he is ok.

41 By farting whilst on the toilet and giggling.

42 To tell me he has to go to school today. I know, I’m the on that got your uniform out last night.

43 To tell me he doesn’t want to go to school today.  That one always turns out to be a fun morning!

44 To tell me it’s the weekend. And reminding me in the process that it’s been 7 years since I had a lie in.

45 By wiggling his bare but in my face.

46 Because he has ran out of paper and he urgently needs some to do a drawing.

47 To tell me he has done a poo and it really smells.

48 To tell me that when he was washing his hands he turned the tap on too fast and now his pyjamas are wet.  Not to mention the bathroom floor.

49 To tell me he’s supposed to be going to school dressed as Guy Fawkes today. FML.

50 Because he is bouncing on my head.


Any more delightful wake up calls of your own to add?


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Claire Kirby

16 Comments on 50 Reasons My Kid Wakes Me Up

  1. Haha! Hilarious! If you think your kid needing to go to school as Guy Fawkes is bad, when I was a kid, I once had to be Robert Catesby! As if anyone knows what any of the other Gunpowder Plotters looked like! Mind you, I don’t think I woke my mum up to tell her! #FridayFrolics

  2. #1 child :To tell me she wants water, she’s coughing, I’m awake, to ask me to cover her up with her duvet, I mean wtf?
    her sister #2 is coughing, is wanting water, can’t sleep…
    The cats want to be let out of the kitchen to pester me for food, when I don’t give in one of them attacks my face so they’re staying in the kitchen.
    The fox Cubs are playing in the front garden and waking up the whole street.
    Yep that was my night last night!

  3. What the hell you were doing with Gerard and that fountain? Actually don’t tell me. I left behind the whole food and sex thing in my 20’s as I just go so sick of washing the sheets every day 🙂 Don’t hate me but I honestly would do something very extreme to make sure my kid got the message to never prise my eyelids open. I can probably count on 2 hands how many times my kids have come into my bedroom. It may be tough discipline but man means I get my sleep. As you know you read a lot of sleep deprivation posts as a mum blogger and funny as many of them are (like this as usual fab one from you which made me literally lol in places and stare bug-eyed in others) I honestly am amazed at how many parents just don’t get sleep ever no matter how old their kids are! From meeting you I know how mild mannered and gentle you which explains why your kids wake you up in 50 different ways. From meeting me, you know I”m the opposite which means my dear, my kids have only walked into my bedroom a few times in 13 years 🙂 🙂 🙂 #fridayfrolics

  4. Waking me up to tell me she’s going to get her own cereal for breakfast, then I hear her doing it and leap up because it’s on the top shelf in the pantry!!! I guess she did warn me!

  5. HA!!! Yes to all of these! ESPECIALLY the one about him not waking you up and you panicking, I always do that! I pray for them to NOT wake me up by bouncing on me just for one day and when they dont, I wake up in blind panic and leg it through to wake them up and check theyre still breathing!!

  6. Ha! All clearly very important things that just can’t wait until a reasonable hour. I’ve been up since 5am….the middle one seems to wake up ridiculously early and also wants to to tell me things that are not at all interesting or important. This mornings one was ‘I can’t go to pre school today, my bum hurts’ #FridayFrolics

  7. Oh I love this !! Especially number 11. My son did that to me when he was about 2,when I woke up he said ” who are you ??”
    Christ Almighty … it freaked me out for months …!

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