I don’t need an alarm clock. I haven’t had one since 2009. Instead I have a kid who wakes me up at a ridiculously early time each morning for the following reasons…
(I believe only one of them was actually worth waking me up for)
My kid wakes me up…
1 To tell me has done a poo.
2 To tell me he had a dream about Pokemon. I was dreaming about Gerard Butler and a chocolate fountain before you woke up.
3 By prising my eyelids open.
4 By falling over on the way to waking me up.
5 To tell me has finished reading his book.
6 To ask me what day it is.
7 To ask me to take the head off of a Lego figure. This is near on impossible when your hands didn’t get the message about waking up.
8 To ask me if he can go watch TV.
9 To tell me he’s hungry.
10 Because I can hear him
wailing singing along to his CD’s from the next room.
12 To tell me he has the Chicken Pox. He didn’t.
13 Too ask me where his red felt tip pen is.
14 To show me the lightening scar he has drawn on his head so he is Harry Potter – after the red pen was found!
15 He heard a noise.
16 Because he is hot.
17 Because he is cold.
18 Because the sun is shinning.
19 Because the sun isn’t shinning.
21 To ask me if his tooth is wobbly. It wasn’t.
22 To tell me he has forgotten what he wanted to tell me. Seriously?
23 To ask me to buy the Lego Ninjago magazine.
24 By rattling his money box in my ear.
25 To show be the drawing he has just done.
26 To ask me if he needs to wear glasses.
27 To ask me what we are doing today.
28 To ask me what my favourite colour is.
30 To ask me who my favourite Pokemon character is.
31 To ask me if I know what Johnny did at school yesterday. Despite when I asked him what happened at school yesterday at a far more reasonable hour, he couldn’t remember a thing.
32 To tell me he knows his teachers first name.
33 Because he needs to blow his nose.
34 Because there’s a spider in his room. You’re waking the wrong person up for that one.
35 To ask me if it’s Summer. Normally in January.
36 To tell me the label in his top is annoying him.
37 To tell me is playing with his Lego figures.
38 By sneaking into bed next to me and then fidgeting and kicking me in the shin.
39 Waking me up to tell me he has a paper cut.
40 Waking me up by not actually waking me up. Instead I wake up with my heart pounding wondering where he is and if he is ok.
41 By farting whilst on the toilet and giggling.
42 To tell me he has to go to school today. I know, I’m the on that got your uniform out last night.
43 To tell me he doesn’t want to go to school today. That one always turns out to be a fun morning!
44 To tell me it’s the weekend. And reminding me in the process that it’s been 7 years since I had a lie in.
45 By wiggling his bare but in my face.
46 Because he has ran out of paper and he urgently needs some to do a drawing.
48 To tell me that when he was washing his hands he turned the tap on too fast and now his pyjamas are wet. Not to mention the bathroom floor.
49 To tell me he’s supposed to be going to school dressed as Guy Fawkes today. FML.
50 Because he is bouncing on my head.
Any more delightful wake up calls of your own to add?
If you liked this post please share the love on Facebook or Twitter by clicking on the links further down.