I do enjoy a nice mooch around the shops.  But sadly I have learnt from experience that small children and ‘mooching’ do not mix.  In fact Mooching and small children have much the same relationship as small children and white carpet.  The two should never meet.

So here’s my top 5 reasons why you should shop online.  If you don’t have kids, then go to the shops and enjoy some carefree mooching, but if you see a deranged looking woman with a buggy, step aside and make room for her in the lift.)

 

reasons to shop online

 

1 Online shops don’t keep you waiting.

You won’t have to walk a mile out of your way to the nearest lift, then wait 10 minutes for it to get to you.  And when it does, the doors open to reveal a lift full of people with no buggy’s or toddlers, all of whom are avoiding eye contact with you and refusing to squeeze in to make room for your entourage.  

I braved a well known store otherwise known as ‘Primarni’ the other day with both my children in tow.  I make absolutely no exaggeration when I say we spent 10 minutes going up and down in the lift trying to get to the children’s department.  Who in their right mind ordered the floors 0 / 1 / -1 Surely the logical order to that sequence is 1 / 0 / -1.  I was beginning to think I was going crazy, I certainly didn’t know if I was going up or down! Give me an online shop with a search bar facility any day.

 

2 Online shops don’t require you to be a contortionist.

Trying to squeeze a toddler in a buggy, yourself, another child and all the paraphernalia that comes with two kids on a shopping trip a into a changing room, is pretty similar to when you tried to squeeze out those two children in the first place.  Then you have a running commentary about your wobbly body parts from your very loud child.  You end up a hot sweaty mess before you’ve even tried the clothes on.  

Then to top it all off, the mirrors lie to you.  They tell you it looks great so you buy it.  But then when you return home to your faithful and trusted mirror, it reveals the truth and the glaringly visible muffin top.  Now you have to face a return trip to the store, or hang the item in your wardrobe, where it will stay for two-and-a-half years, before you send it to the charity shop with the labels still attached in a Marie Kondo frenzy.

 

3 Online shops don’t make you feel old.

If you can’t find what you are looking for you don’t have to wonder around for 20 minutes looking for a shop assistant.  Then when you eventually find one, wait whilst he finishes her conversation with another shopping assistant about why Shona should dump Tyler because he shagged Charmaine.  The whole time you are wondering; what happened to good customer service? Their skirts are really very very short, and what are those eyebrows about? Does it hurt to brush your hair after that much backcombing? Am I old enough to be their actual mother? And worst of all you are actually sounding like your own mother.  

Online shops are always helpful, and they don’t have piercings and an attitude.

 

4 Online shops don’t require the use of the eyes in the back of your head.

Your kids are exactly where you planted them, in front of the TV watching a precocious pig in a red dress.  And that is where they will stay, until they start demanding snacks.  You can actually take your eyes off of them and look at the clothes you are purchasing.  

In real shops it’s more like a game of Supermarket Sweep circa 1995, where you vaguely grab anything pretty that catches your eye and hope it’s the right size, whilst simultaneously handing the little one snacks in his pushchair and removing all the items he has shoplifted grabbed from the shelves, and trying to find the big one who is hiding in an arrangement of maxi dresses somewhere.

 

5 Online shops don’t cost you a fortune in bribery.

Your bored offspring  is teetering on the edge of a full blown meltdown and repeating the same statements and questions over and over again:

I’m hungry.

How many more shops?

Can I get a toy?

I’m bored.

I want to go home.

You have exhausted all forms of engagement and ‘fun’ shopping games, and have resorted to the tried and tested parenting method of bribery.  You have bribed them with the promise of TV when they get home, sweets if they are good, you have given into a McDonald’s, and you are dangerously close to the ultimate bribe of a visit to the toy shop.  Online shopping is way cheaper.

 

So there you have it, avoid all the stress and do it online!

 

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Claire Kirby

26 Comments on 5 Reasons Why You Should Shop Online

  1. Ah yup – my kids went ‘missing’ from a shop the other day, had the whole store looking for them and it turned out they were ‘playing’ hide and seek… Good look.

  2. Is it weird that I enjoy shopping with the kids? It’s a reason for us to go out but the struggle is real! This did make me laugh x

  3. Haha – yes, so true! I need to start online shopping more – going shopping is starting to be a nightmare! & I agree that lift sequence is all wrong! #fridayfrolics

  4. I love shopping online. Best invention ever and kept me occupied throughout those long nights when I was feeding the boys, spent a fortune though – whoops! #effitfridays

  5. Yes, I (sadly!) agree with it all!! I’ve done most of my food and clothes shopping online now, since the eldest child was born!! On the first day he was at nursery all day, I got super excited and took the little assassin to the shops (he’s normally really good at sitting happily in the buggy, the eldest is the moany one!) But of course, the law of sod made sure that the assassin started moaning the second we got there, leaving my dreams of shopping for the first time in 3 years shattered! Online all the way for now!
    #fridayfrolics

  6. I much prefer shopping online! Going to the shops, even without kids, is a nightmare I prefer to avoid.
    And… what is with the shop assistants eyebrows?! I swear I saw one the other day that had them taking over her face… #effitfriday

  7. Love a bit of online shopping. And saves so much of that precious commodity time! I do love going round the shops every once in a while though, just to get a proper feel for what’s out there, now I no longer read fashion blogs! #FridayFrolics

  8. HA! Brilliant and all so so so true!!! Its the not having to bribe and constantly keep an eye on the kids that does it for me – plus I have two babies and a toddler and I simply do not exist to trolley manufacturers, so trying to just get them around a supermarket is task enough!!

    Im also so glad I’m not the only one struggling with the eyebrow thing – seriously, WHY are they doing that to their face?!

  9. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! I can’t do shops any more. I just can’t. All my food shopping is done online (Click & Collect if I’ve done a last-minute we’ve-run-out-of-nappies shop and there are no delivery slots) and so is everything else I buy. Last time I braved the High Street we came home and I realised the eldest had stolen one – just one – shoe from Debenhams. It was a glittery size 8, so it was never going to get much use, and we had to return it. Never again! #FridayFrolics

  10. Yes, in total agreement with you…I always have the youngest needing to go to the bathroom at the most inconvenient time. Dump and run! I actually don’t do much shopping with any of my children. Online shopping is definitely the way to go! #FridayFrolics

  11. I always online shop – but for slightly different reasons. My girls are pre-teen and teen, and if they come shopping with me the husband goes mad because they MAKE (yes, make, gun to head and everything) me buy the world and its brother.. I braved the shops the other day with them, I now need to re-mortgage! lol No I agree online shopping is much safer!

  12. I am such a sucker for giving in to the McDonald’s bribe. Anything for some peace to just ‘get on with it’. But I do so love online!! I have bought some amazing things with few glasses of wine! #fridayfrolics

  13. All of my shopping for the last 4 years has been done exclusively online (including groceries). I go to the same online department store. Select the same items (tunic which covers bum and jeggings), put in my size (variable) and refine into discount order. I search through the same items of clothing in various shades and patterns and throw anything that looks wearable and is discounted by at least 50% into the basket. It works for me! Shopping for kids clothes however… Love it! I could do it all day! They are far better dressed than I will ever be!
    Great post. Thanks for linking up with #FartGlitter x

  14. Already a huge fan of online shopping, particularly food shopping, and Pea’s not even here yet. Anything to make life easier. Returning things that don’t fit is still annoying though – but I guess it’s a small price to pay for the convenience. #fartglitter

  15. So true! I didn’t like shopping much before having a baby and I certainly don’t like it now! Why do these people who don’t have buggies use lifts?! Although I did order lots of pairs of trousers from ASOS and when none of them fit I shed a little tear hahaha. #fartglitter

  16. Oh yes, give me online shopping any day! My boy is a nightmare if we go shopping, I always have to buy him a toy and have to keep checking his buggy for any items he might have tried to steal!Don’t even get me started on people using the lift who are perfectly capable of using the stairs, so annoying!!xx #Fartglitter

  17. Online shopping is definitely a lot less stressful! Trying to squeeze in changing rooms with a buggy and a toddler is not fun and why are lifts always so full of people who don’t actually *have* to use them. Mind you, I’ve been stuck in a lift with a baby in a buggy and a toddler for 25 minutes and that was even worse! That floor numbering system in Primarni sounds crazy – no logic there at all!

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