I’ve paid my dues. I’ve squeezed and pulsed and looked slightly constipated all in an effort to ensure I regained control of my bladder post squeezing babies out of my vajayjay.
Pre children I used to pride myself on being able to consume alcoholic drinks, shake my groove thing, and hail a cab at the end of the night, all without having to queue for the ladies and try to find the cubicle with the only toilet roll in. And whilst my nights out post children have become more infrequent in direct correlation with my trips to the little girls room becoming more frequent, there are more surprising pelvic floor problems after having babies use my bladder as a space hopper.
Pelvic Floor Problems
Unless you cross your legs then it’s game over. Not easy when you need to sneeze whilst driving.
A nasty cough cough can leave you making a dash for the bathroom. I speak from personal experience when I say bronchitis is no walk in the park. You’ll be reaching for the tena lady faster than the antibiotics.
I hate being sick. It’s something I find impossible to do quietly. It makes you feel weak and vulnerable and when you add to the glamour of vomiting the fact that every time you throw up, a little bit of wee comes out. It’s not a pretty picture. One of my friends had particularly bad morning sickness with her second pregnancy. Her husband wanted to come into the bathroom to give her some water but she wouldn’t let him in case he slipped on the puddle of wee on the floor!
They are not fun anymore.
5 Night Time Toilet Visits
Children sleeping through the night is a glorious and celebrated milestone. But you can forget sleeping through the night ever again. Be prepared to wake up with a bladder screaming at you in the small hours of the morning. Every morning.
You’ve heard the expression “I laughed so hard I cried”. Well now it’s “I laughed so hard I peed”.
7 Being Scared
It’s not hard to make me jump. The husband only has to walk into a room unnoticed and when I turn around and see him he has so scrape me and whatever I was holding of the ceiling. Since childbirth I have understood the term “so scared I peed my pants” very literally.
Here’s some embarrassing pelvic floor problems…
I asked some fellow bloggers to tell me about the times their pelvic floor has let them down:
“I made the mistake of braving a trampoline park with my brother a few months post-partum. I had light grey leggings on and spent the entire time hobbling around the side of the trampolines and trying to hide what was left of my dignity with a jumper wrapped around my waist.” Life With Boys
“About a week after I had my baby I was still struggling to squeeze my pelvic floor. My husband and I had just entered a lift when I felt the urge to fart and I just couldn’t hold it in! It was a particularly unpleasant bit of gas as well! I started making more of an effort to do my kegals after that”. Mummy to Dex
“My first knackered my PF and so with my second baby When I had hyperemesis for the second time, I was always sick in the car and threw up in my drivers seat and wet myself. Had to do the walk of shame to my front door”. Ready Freddie Go
“At a boogie bounce class, not long after my second was born. It was a good job it’s a class in the dark and I was wearing all black. What a nightmare”. Champagne & Petals
“Went back to netball, everything was fine and then we started fitness with star jumps! It was after that I realised I’d been skipping out on my pelvic floor haha never again!” The Mummy Toolbox
“Oh my goodness, all the time! Pee comes out if I sneeze and even if I jump! it’s a nightmare when I go to aerobics classes! Luckily noone knows it’s happening”. Lylia Rose
“My pelvic floor muscles were so so weak for the first couple of months Post partum, so I accidentally farted during a Skype call with a potential new client.. I just ignored it but I’m pretty sure he didn’t!” Love Maisie
“The first time I sneezed after giving birth to my 4th baby… Wet myself. Luckily, I was wearing a Tena ‘nappy’ (thank goodness for those for the first few days after giving birth!)”. Le Coin De Mel
“Had to use my sons travel potty in an emergency situation crouched behind the drivers seat of my car wearing a huge coat! Bladder wasn’t going to last until we made it home!” Yammy Mommy
“A few weeks (6 weeks postpartum) ago I had a sneezing fit at home and was mortified at that result!! As was my husband!” Emma Reed
“When Iris was 1 week old I thought I was invincible. I went out for a walk and came back a saw my house and immediately thought I need a wee. By the time I had reached my back door I no longer needed to go! I learnt a lesson that day! Wear Tena and take some more time to recover”. The Littlest Darlings
“Sat at a family dinner plus other half’s, kids, cousins visiting and we all start telling stupid stories and jokes. Cousin decided to tell us about the time that the cat tripped her up and as she fell she “sharted” up the wall.. I laughed so hard but suddenly stopped as I’d lost total control and literally peed myself with laughter. Oh the shame. It’s now the latest family story continuously told”. Mummy in a Tu Tu
“When Oscar was about 5 months we all caught norovirus. Every time I vomited I wet myself, you can only imagine how glamorous that was – especially when the on call doctor came out and I did both on the kitchen floor. Mortified isn’t even the word.” Mumconventional
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