No one wants to imagine undergoing fertility treatment, but it’s a reality for many people all over the world.

Facing the prospect of using an egg donor can present a whole host of different emotions, from fear and anger to hope and elation.

What emotions should you expect?

First, it’s important to know no emotion is right or wrong. Different people experience different thoughts, concerns, and feelings.

Below, we’ll discuss the five most common emotions hopeful mums-to-be face when choosing donor eggs. This includes the anxiety that often surrounds telling others you’re using donor eggs and the fear of not developing a mother-child bond.

donor eggs

1. Anger at Not Being Able to Experience a “Natural” Pregnancy

One of the first emotions you may face is anger. Whether you’ve already had children or not, facing an infertility diagnosis can leave you reeling.

Why me? Why us? What have I done wrong?

Anger at this stage is completely normal. You may feel let down by your body, frustrated that a process considered ‘so natural’ isn’t happening for you, and perhaps resentment that others may seem to take their pregnancies for granted.

You can process this anger by talking to friends, family, your partner, or perhaps even a counsellor. 

2. Fear of Not Developing a Mother-Child Bond

Along with anger, you may worry that egg donation won’t fulfil your hopes of motherhood.

Can you enjoy the same remarkable bond with your baby when you don’t share the same genes?

Absolutely, yes!

Again, these thoughts are completely normal. Like anger, you can work through them by asking questions, finding answers, and talking about your feelings.

Yes, being unable to use your own eggs is a significant choice to come to terms with, but the bond between a mother and baby is based on so much more than genetics. With an egg donor, you’ll still be able to nurture your baby as they grow in your womb. It will still be you – their mum – who brings them into the world and watches them grow. You will be the biological mother and the true parent.

3. Hope at Finding an Answer to Your Infertility

After anger and fear may come a feeling of hope. You’ve started to process the next step in your infertility journey, and you learn what to expect from using donor eggs. You may have already begun searching through potential egg donor candidates. 

If you’re using frozen donor eggs, the amount of egg donor candidates to choose from may feel a bit daunting at first. However, this vast database enables you to find a donor you feel 100 percent confident and comfortable with. It may be their similarities to you that draws you to them or it may be their unique characteristics that you feel assured by. Whatever your reasons for choosing an egg donor, it’s important to take your time so you feel sure you’ve found the one for you.

4. Anxiety Over Telling People About Your Infertility Treatment

Even though you’ve decided using donor eggs is right for you, you may feel concerned about how other people will respond to your choice.

Will your parents find it difficult to comprehend? Will friends and family be supportive or negative?

Regardless of the response, the most important thing is you feel happy about taking this route in your fertility journey. You can tell people in your own time or not at all – it’s entirely up to you. However, you may be surprised just how supportive and encouraging your loved ones are when they know how much this opportunity means to you.

5. Joy at Creating Your Perfect Family

You’ve just received the news you’ve been waiting for – you’re pregnant! Your donor egg treatment has been a success and you can now focus on bringing your baby into the world.

Suddenly, all the fears and concerns you had at the start of this journey are slowly fading away as you focus on the future.

When you hold your baby boy or girl in your arms, you’ll realize this is what you’ve always wanted. Nothing can change or increase the love you have for your newborn. The road to building your family may not have been easy, but it has created family bonds like no other.

This is a contributed post




Claire Kirby

Leave a Reply