If you know anyone tying the knot this summer, then chances are in the next few weeks an envelope is going to land on your doorstep.

Now that envelope might be somewhat chunky as it probably contains the actual invite, a reply card, details of a gift registry, list of accommodation, directions.  Basically the bride and groom have tried to think of everything you need to know about their day, and put it in that beautifully presented little package for you.  

That package contains the blood sweat and tears of a bride who has spent hours on Pinterest searching for ideas, spent sleepless nights worrying about the guest list, scrimped and saved every last penny she can and not eaten any chocolate for the last six months to create the wedding of her dreams.

Do you know what I do when I get a wedding invite through the post?  I get excited. Excited for my friends getting married. Excited that I get to go.  I start planning.  The gift, my outfit, where we are going to stay.  Invariably there is also some number crunching involved, attending a wedding isn’t cheap.  But you can guarantee the cost per guest is a shed load less than what the bride and groom are shelling out in order for me to have a free meal, get very drunk, and belt out Livin’ on a prayer like I’m the new member of Bon Jovi.

Do you know what the Mumsnet brigade do when they get a wedding invite?  They moan and have a big whinge.  They get an invite from presumably someone they like, and they complain.  I can’t help but get drawn into the comments and I find myself amazed at how easily offended and miserable people are.  It’s a wedding, everyone loves a wedding, right?

WRONG!

 

Wedding invite with the text AIBU About Weddings?

 

Let’s start with the big one, the one that gets some people really really angry…

No Kids:

Now admittedly, my kids are young guests to attend a wedding.  But we have attended five weddings in the last three years with them in tow, and do you know what?  It’s hard bloody work.  Wedding’s aren’t very exciting or interesting when you are three.  Newborns don’t care if they are being called for a photograph when they want feeding.  I love my boys to the moon and back, but last year when we received an invite to a ‘no kids’ wedding I cracked open the champagne.  I’m not joking.  

A day of being waited on, talking to actual adults, and getting pissed and dancing the night away with my husband.  Sign me up NOW.  A chance to remember where we began, who we were, and how far we’ve come (everyone gets a bit sentimental at weddings, right?) But seriously what’s not to love about that?  I’m there.  With bells on.  

Yes kids at weddings can be cute and funny – when they are not your own. I love seeing a little one toddle down the aisle in a beautiful dress with her finger up her nose.  But kids at weddings are expensive for the happy couple.  If my husband and I did it all again tomorrow there would be 23 kids to invite without even thinking about it.  That’s a lot of kids!

I get that it’s not always easy to get baby sitters.  But I don’t get people being offended because ‘we come as a package.’  Get over yourself!  The bride and groom are not trying to insult you or upset you.  They are just trying to have a wedding that they don’t end up paying off for the rest of their married life.  

And you know what?  It’s THEIR day.  Not yours.

 

The Gift:

Bride and Groom how dare you ask for something that you might actually want or need. ‘Happyhealthymumof2‘ was planning on buying you a teapot and doesn’t give a crap if you already have three and only drink coffee.  And those of you that have the audacity to ask for money towards your honeymoon.  I mean who do you think you are?  It’s not as if you’ve been ploughing all of your savings into lets say a sit down meal for 100 people with free alcohol and evening entertainment.  Quite frankly you should just manage your money better.

But seriously, why is it so offensive to have a gift register or ask for money?  I would much rather get the bride and groom something that will make them happy, I mean they are my friends!  People that I like.  

And it’s THEIR day.  Not yours.

 

The Menu:

There is a wide option of things for the Mumsnet brigade to complain about when it comes to the menu, including this little gem about a lack of menu…

My husband and I have just been to a family wedding where there was no food. One drink on arrival and one for the toast.  We paid to travel there and back.  It has cost us a fortune.  It was an afternoon wedding, not just an evening party.  There was no music / dancing etc. The couple earn far more than we do.  AIBU to feel resentful that I paid so much for a wedding present?

Source: Mumsnet AIBU

Now to give some context, the author of this comment replies later in the thread to say the wedding was 2pm – 5:30pm.

Now allow me to respond…

1 There’s not normally a meal eaten between 2pm and 5:30pm on any other day.  I’m sure you can forgo food for the few hours that you were a guest at the wedding.

2 I wasn’t aware that brides and grooms covered the travel expenses of their guests.  

3 It sounds to me like the bride and groom wanted a simple wedding, focusing on the actual ceremony surrounded by the people they love.

4 I don’t think I’ve danced at a pre 5:30 disco since my 8th birthday party.  I did bust some pretty amazing moves to Mel & Kim though.

5 How is it relevant or any of your business what the couple earn or how they choose to spend their money?

6 You are being unreasonable simply for using the acronym for ‘Am I being unreasonable?’.

7 I wasn’t aware that there was a direct correlation between the free food and drink supplied at a wedding, and the amount of money spent on a gift for the bride and groom. My bad.

8 It’s THEIR day.  NOT yours.

 

The average wedding in the UK costs £25k.  TWENTY-FIVE-THOUSAND pounds!  If I’m spending that much of my hard earned cash on something, you can bet your bottom dollar it’s going to be exactly how I want it, and no, I don’t think I am being unreasonable!

Be grateful the next time you receive an invite from someone who thinks enough of you to invite you to share in one of the most special days of their life.  I mean how dare they?  It’s just plain rude.

It’s THEIR day.  NOT yours.

*Apologies for the blatant use of AIBU in the title of this post.  It won’t ever happen again.

 
 

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21 Comments on AIBU About Weddings?

  1. I’m so with you on the kids – and not getting offended. We went to one wedding without N (he was invited but the logistics of having him there only for the day and not the evening which would have been a nightmare trying to get him to sleep , was horrendous so we just didn’t take him), and another (one of my bridesmaids) we didn’t go to. Not because it was no kids but because it was on a Sunday, a school/work evening, and we just couldn’t see that working.

    We had no kids, except the 3 nephews. But that’s because the parents are family, live within 2 miles and their children know how to behave. Plus family wouldn’t have been able to come otherwise. But I still had people responding with their child’ name in the signature even though they’d not been on the invite. And 1 person turned up to the evening reception with their 8yo in tow – she was bored stiff because there were no other children. #thelistlinky

  2. Oh my God where do I start?! Brilliant!! Totally agree re the kids. OMG I’d love to do a survey about how many people who ‘come as a package’ didn’t give a rat’s arse about other people’s kids – or indeed LIKE attending weddings where there were kids – before they had their own! I must admit I don’t agree with the menu bit (because the golden rule of any wedding in Indian culture is feed feed FEED your guests and also practically, a 2pm start time means your guests were in fact travelling over lunchtime and can’t be expected to stop off in their wedding finergy to grab a packet of sandwiches). But I was almost screaming with delight at your feistiness in this post!! Shy Claire socked it to them lol. I’ve definitely lived abroad for over 10 years though…I had to google AIBU and then finally twigged what it was when I saw the screenshot of the woman’s complaint. And finally, you have confirmed that I’m not missing anything by avoiding Mumsnet. They don’t like me, never RT let alone pick me as blog of the day and all I hear is poison coming from their direction via these threads. #FridayFrolics

  3. I never get these threads on mumsnet either! Just don’t go! Don’t be offended, just don’t go if it’s not convenient/affordable to you. People can do what they want for their own weddings. It would be unreasonable for them not to accept that expensive weddings, no children, etc may mean some guests can’t go, but as long as they don’t mind that, it’s up to them. Still, I love a mumsnet thread. Especially when they get insulting. I NEVER join in mumsnet threads – I observe only. It’s the best way! #FridayFrolics

  4. We haven’t had any weddings for a couple of years now and I’m feeling withdrawal symptoms!!! Totally love a night away to dance, drink and have fun! It’s the ultimate date night! Also totally agree that it’s their day,exactly the mindset we took when planning our own wedding! #fridayfrolics

  5. I love a good wedding! I would happily pop along to a few weddings every year! Especially if there is a free bar, to be fair, but whatever it involves weddings are still great days out! #FridayFrolics

  6. I like weddings too. Or at least I did before Peachy was born. I get that kid-less people would want an adult wedding but I would miss her too much to leave her behind. Luckily, it hasn’t been an issue as of yet.

    I always give money at weddings. I was under the assumption that at bare minimum you have to cover the cost of your plate plus a little extra. So $150-$200. That’s per plate, not per couple. Don’t people realize how expensive it is to get married? What were you going to bring as a gift? A toaster? It’s not 1950. #FridayFrolics

  7. I so totally agree!Women can be so horrible.My friend was only ranting to me yesterday about a big family fall out because of who was being invited and who wasn’t to her Niece’s wedding.I was far too scared of her to say “It’s NONE of your business!” as she was practically frothing at the mouth.Weddings and funerals cause absolute family carnage xx

  8. Ooh, I love a Mumsnet wedding thread! There’s no drama on Mumsnet like a wedding drama (aside from parking dramas or MIL dramas!). I have no issue with child free weddings (I invited just one child to mine who was close family and I assumed that if he was noisy he’d be taken out. He ended up objecting when the vicar asked if there were any objections and ran around the room screaming during my Dad’s speech as his parents did not take him out!). But what I do find odd is when the bride and groom then get offended when people can’t come. I have a wedding this summer of a close family member where I suspect they will want it to be child free. I’ll have a newborn and given that I won’t be able to get childcare for our toddler as all family will be at the wedding, if it’s child free I’m not sure I’ll be able to go. But so often I read people getting offended when people decline the invite for that reason, so I hope that won’t be the case with us (they’re pretty laid back so I don’t think so but you never know!)

  9. I love Mumsnet but I also love this! I am drawn like a moth to a flame to those wedding AIBU posts, I love the drama that kicks off. I totally agree with you – we got married in December and people seemed to forget that we were getting married, instead it was “you’re having a party and you need to do it all MY way”.
    I know that going forwards, my friends will probably have childfree weddings because we’re the only couple with a child and any plans to have children in the forseeable future. If we can get childcare, we will go and dance our socks off. If not, we’ll have to sadly decline. No big drama!
    My favourite MN phrase is “it’s an invite, not a summons”. Not happy with how someone is doing their wedding? Don’t go!
    Great post x

  10. Totally with you! I thoroughly enjoyed “that child free wedding” – boy we had fun and yes it felt like our old pre-child days! I also whooped with delight and have only just paid the credit card bill for the hotel but I give praise to brides & grooms who stick to their guns! When we married in 2007 the only children allowed were the best mans, the flower girls, my friends as one was doing a reading and as a result a fair few family members did not come in the evening – their loss although I was hurt because I’d counted them in and paid for them!

    My biggest gripe with weddings is no shows! When paying £50+ per person it’s not cheap, ok people get ill or weather may prevent travel but come on outside of that there is no excuse!

    As for gift lists, my sisters married in the 80’s and they had lists – a single hand written one which was passed around the invited guests who could choose an item, write their name against it and return to my mum once everyone had seen it! Now that is far more difficult than today’s options and got that I am very grateful!

    Fingers crossed we get another child free, gift registry, overnight stay wedding soon!!!!!

  11. There’s nothing like a wedding to get us Brit’s knickers in a twist eh?!
    I love a good wedding in any shape or form and I could listen to wedding planning anecdotes all day 😉 great to read something about something a little different this morning xx

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