Do you remember when you were pregnant and your hair looked amazing? Mine did. The rest of me was a hot sweaty mess with cankles, but my hair? Beautiful. Thick and glossy. I could have starred in a shampoo advertisement and swished my hair around better than Davina and Cheryl put together. Then I had my precious little baby and my hair decided to join the masses of bodily fluids I was losing from every orifice and fall out in alarming handfuls. Leaving me with hair that requires several bottles of volumising products and strange sticky out bits of regrowth. But it doesn’t end there. Now that I am a parent there are plenty of reasons why I am pulling my hair out.
Time outs are great for discipline and allowing your child and yourself time to calm down. Time outs will mentally scar your child for life and leave them feeling isolated. Rocking your baby to sleep will create a rod for your own back and they will never learn to fall asleep by themselves. Rocking your baby to sleep is nurturing and loving and what all babies need. Beige food is bad. Boogies are apparently good. What the? My head literally spins with all of the parenting advice out there. No matter what you do there is an ‘expert’ to tell you you are doing it wrong.
Treading on them. Losing them. Searching for them. Spending a fortune on them. Not being able to get the latest ‘must have’ one. Trying to find a member of staff in Toys R Us. Spending too much time in Ikea buying more storage to keep them all in. Having a heart attack because one suddenly starts talking to you whilst your watching 13 Reasons Why. The Alfie Bear song. There are so many reasons why I am pulling my hair out because of toys.
I know they are part and parcel of being a toddler. But it’s the reasons for the tantrums that have left my hair somewhat thin. You asked for jam sandwiches cut into triangles with no crusts on the red plate. I gave you jam sandwiches cut into triangles with no crusts on the red plate. Why are you now beetroot red and screaming at me like I am the worst mother in the world?
Trying to explain maths to my seven year old leaves me pulling my hair out every single time. But more painful than that is the times they firmly believe they are right when they are blatantly wrong. True story: My son doesn’t believe asthma attacks are real. I have given him a detailed explanation of what asthma is. I have explained what happens when you have an asthma attack. I have shown him the medication I have to take because I have asthma. I have told him about some asthma attacks I had as a child. I have told him the names of his friends who have asthma. But no. Apparently it’s just a story that someone made up and everyone now believes it, but it’s not real. Asthma attacks do not exist. Arrrghhhhh!
5 School Jumpers
Why am I trawling through the jumper dumper again looking for a lost jumper? Why did I spend hours labelling everything in September when there seems to have been little point. How have you lost three jumpers in four days? How do I have any hair left at all.
6 Leaving The House
Put your shoes on please. Put your shoes on please. Put your shoes on please. Put your shoes on please. Put your shoes on please. Put your shoes on please. Put your shoes on please. Put your shoes on please. Put your shoes on please. Shoes. Come on, time to go. Put your shoes on. PUT YOUR GOD DAMN SHOES ON NOW.
7 Peppa Pig
The only thing that makes me want to pull my hair out more than back to back episodes of Peppa Pig, is a day at Peppa Pig world with the theme tune on loop ALL DAY LONG, driving me slightly crazy.
Never mind pulling my hair out, they actually make me want to shave my hair off. Also under this category for pulling my hair out is snot, Chickenpox and sickness bugs.
It never ever ends. And if you miss one day you will lose all control. You will disappear under a mountain of laundry and have to consider just buying everyone new clothes and starting again. And don’t even get me started on tissues in pockets.
Have you found yourself looking for hairpieces for men and women due to hair loss as a result of your kids?! What makes you pull your hair out as a parent?
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