Rookie Mistakes is a series where guest bloggers divulge their parenting fails, and make us laugh or inspire us in the process.


Rookie Misrtakes LargeIt took me just over a year before I broke my first born.  Not too bad going.  He was stood with his walker when it went one way he went the other.  The other being straight towards our coffee table.  We had been responsible parents and put corner protectors on the table.  They didn’t protect him from from the edge of the table leg though.   Their was blood – his, tears – mine, and a trip to A&E.  The long term effects are a Harry Potter esq scar and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I think about it.




Are injuries a rookie mistake or a right of passage for parents?   


This weeks guest post comes from the brilliantly funny Helen who blogs at Mess, Stress and Fancy Dress.  Her rookie mistake involves a trip to A&E and a disastrous nappy change.







The world has mistakenly entrusted the health and welfare of two slightly mental children to me. I have outsourced this where possible but continue to be woefully inept and slightly deranged on the days when I’m in charge. They however continue to be gorgeous, energetic, frustrating and insane in equal measure.



Rookie Mistake – Changing Babies on Elevated Surfaces.


After giving birth you feel like you’ve been run over by a bus. You probably have stitches – be they in your newly emptied rather flabby stomach, or in your somewhat mangled lady garden. Just having a wee smarts a bit and you are convinced that bending over is likely to rip all the stiches. So the elevated changing surface appears to be very sensible indeed.  Lots of people buy those changing table units with all the spaces to put the nappies and the bits and bobs. It seems safe, it’s like Mothercare are telling you it’s the best way to change your child. Not in my house.


My first brush with the danger of the elevated surface occurred on the first day that my husband went back to work after paternity leave. I was already shitting it, as it was quite clear to me that I should not be left in charge of a small human with so little training. (and very little sleep) Surely someone should notify the authorities immediately. Little did I know that in fact it would be me alerting them to my incompetence within the hour! It was about 9am, we were up and the baby was ready for a change. I changed her on the top of the chest of drawers in her room.  I put her on the change mat, I even stopped to take her photo (at this stage I probably took about 47 photos of her a day) Nappy off, air to her bits, she did what I now know all 2 week old babies do when their nappy is removed – a massive spurting wee. It took me by surprise, I jumped, she jumped (well she was 2 weeks old, she sort of shook a bit and startled) it was enough to fall off the drawers, banging her head on the wall on the way down.


Horrified that I had probably broken our baby within the first 2 hours of being left in charge, I cuddled her and we both cried hysterically. I called my mum but was so distraught that I hadn’t yet managed to regain the power of speech. I will never forget the reassuring words of my mother on the other end of the phone “is that you dear? Yes, you’re crying so hard I can’t understand a word you’re saying darling. Whatever it is I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think. I’m just getting my coat on now love, I’ll see you in a minute, it will be ok, I promise” and she was right. We spent the whole day in A&E under observation but she was fine.  Being dropped on your head at 2 weeks might explain some of the toddler behaviour though…..


This one’s a double whammy of incompetence. A double header if you will. I don’t learn quickly.


Sadly the elevated surface took me in again. Having the baby up higher really did make the changing process so much less painful for me, so I tried again.


I was changing her on the dining room table (much better, larger surface, surely she can’t fall off!) She had done a poo, she’s my first child – I don’t yet know the rule of “give it 5 minutes after a bit of poo before you bother changing them.” I lifted her legs up in the air, to raise her bum so I could pull the nappy out from under her, I angled her bum perfectly and she let out a small sigh and did a massive squirty poo right in my face. It was on the wall behind me, it was running down my chin, but worse still, it went in my mouth. I actually ate some of her shit. Truth be told, I’ve been eating her shit ever since.




You can follow Helen’s blog Mess, Stress and Fancy Dress on facebook and twitter.


Have you ever made a rookie mistake that ended up in A&E?


You can read previous guest posts from the Rookie Mistakes series here.

If you are a blogger and wish to take part in the series you can find out more here.

For more from Life, Love and Dirty Dishes follow my social networks, or subscribe by clicking here.



Friday Frolics
 I’m linking this post to…
Share With Me
Maternity Monday

19 Comments on Rookie Mistakes – A Guest Post by Mess, Stress and Fancy Dress

  1. Lauren
    June 2, 2016 at 9:12 pm (5 months ago)

    Ha this made me laugh out loud! My partner is looking at me weird! Least I know I’m not the only one! Didn’t end up in a&e but i managed to fall down the stairs clutching on to the little one, luckily I slid down on my bum but it was a massive shock for both of us! I didnt walk the same for weeks and now I am extra careful on the stairs! 🙂

  2. jenny
    November 17, 2015 at 1:59 pm (12 months ago)

    Oh dear… we have all been their in our own lines of rookie mistakes and sometimes we don’t learn the first time either. lol Great guest post. Thank you ever so much for linking up to Share With Me. I hope to see you again tomorrow for another great round! #sharewithme
    jenny recently posted…Four most common DIY plumbing failsMy Profile

  3. Lisa Barry
    November 16, 2015 at 11:39 pm (12 months ago)

    Wow made me actually laugh out loud. Baby poo has an incredible tredectory, I guess you know that now 🙂 x

  4. Becky at PinksCharming
    November 16, 2015 at 9:54 pm (12 months ago)

    Oh my goodness, that last part! We’ve all suffered a squirty poo at one time or another, but it going in your mouth is truly unlucky. Oh well, we live and learn right! Becky x #FridayFrolics
    Becky at PinksCharming recently posted…“I love you to Spanish and back!”My Profile

  5. wendy
    November 16, 2015 at 2:49 pm (12 months ago)

    Oh no!That all sounds horrible for you, I remember the poo and wee fountains, I never ended up eating any off it though! We have never ended up in A&E but the first time my boy sat up by himself, as I went to take a photo (got to capture the moment right?) he fell backwards and knocked his head on the fireplace. He also had a tumble down the stairs once, I am a good mum honestly..sometimes you need an extra set of eyes to stop these little ones getting in to trouble.xx #MaternityMondays

  6. Backsnbumps.
    November 16, 2015 at 8:26 am (12 months ago)

    Oh no baby’s are definitely more resilient than we give them credit for. I had to take my oldest to A&E at 15 months with a fractured leg and no clue how he did it. Very disapproving looks from doctors, he went to bed fine, had a bit of a tantrum in the morning and then couldn’t walk. They think he got his for stuck out of the cot and yanked it with such force it fractured. Then a month later he grabbed a hot cup of coffee off the kitchen counter and back we were again, I didn’t even think he could reach that high!
    Backsnbumps. recently posted…30 weeks pregnantMy Profile

  7. El
    November 13, 2015 at 6:31 am (12 months ago)

    OMG, I love this post! It’s hilarious. We really shouldn’t laugh but it’s too funny not to, but laughing in hindsight and with the knowledge that the kid is okay is permissible right? I thought I was prepared because I studied every book and could answer every hypothetical question but when my #1 came, I was a mess. #fridayfrolics
    El recently posted…Chap 29a A Break Up letter to Free TimeMy Profile

  8. Fionnuala
    November 11, 2015 at 9:32 pm (12 months ago)

    Oh God, nightmare – both times. Poor you. Poor her.
    Fionnuala recently posted…Where I EatMy Profile

  9. Catie: An Imperfect Mum
    November 11, 2015 at 9:13 am (12 months ago)

    You must have been devastated when she bumped her head, thank god she was OK. the poo in the mouth OMG! #sharewithme
    Catie: An Imperfect Mum recently posted…Sometimes…My Profile

  10. Tracey Abrahams (The Anxious Dragon)
    November 11, 2015 at 8:01 am (12 months ago)

    My eldest use to love pressing the button on the pelican crossing, but couldnt quite reach when sat in his buggy, so Inuse to tip it up slightly to help him reach better. Cue the day he managed to undo his buggy strap and I tipped him face first out of his buggy onto some broken glass on the pavement!! Luckily I was only 2 mins walk from our doctors, who cleaned him up, sterry stripped a snall cut on his forehead and nursed me with hot sweet drinks till I stopped shaking and crying.
    Tracey Abrahams (The Anxious Dragon) recently posted…My Top News Stories Of The Week- 11th NovemberMy Profile

  11. Joanna @mumbalance
    November 11, 2015 at 7:56 am (12 months ago)

    It can be so stressful being a new parent. You are tired in a way you never knew was possible and you haven’t been given instructions by the hospital… I’m glad your child was fine!
    We never used elevated surfaces (other than changing in public places). Partly because of safety, but largely because we didn’t have the space for a changing table.
    Joanna @mumbalance recently posted…Reduce your shopping bills – #wastenotMy Profile

  12. Alexandra @imeverymum
    November 11, 2015 at 7:11 am (12 months ago)

    Oh no bless you. My husband danced in a slippery two man shower with our 16 month old that resulted in A&E and a lovely scar now on his brow bone. Being a boy though I think he looks rugged and manly, amongst the blood pouring (water makes everything worse) though I can’t say this is what I was thinking at the time. Hope all is well now? thanks for sharing #sharewithme
    Alexandra @imeverymum recently posted…The Diary of a Working Mum {Part Two}My Profile


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comment *

CommentLuv badge