Rookie Misrtakes Large

Rookie Mistakes is a series where guest bloggers divulge their parenting fails, and make us laugh or inspire us in the process.


Some pregnancies can come as a surprise.  But even the planned pregnancies can be surprising.  This weeks guest post comes from Ella who blogs at Breaking Up With Contraception. She is taking about trying to get pregnant and her rookie mistake after having years of safe sex drummed into her, of thinking this getting pregnant business is simple. 



Bio: Ella is a thirty-ish outwardly well-functioning Londoner. Her blog, Breaking Up With Contraception, is a frank, irreverent account of one woman’s quest to get knocked up. Since Ella and her uterus have a wide range of interests, she also writes about other everyday misadventures. She believes that if there’s a funny side to be found, it’s worth finding.

The blog began when Ella and the boy started trying for a baby. It was like falling down a rabbit hole into a strange new world full of folic acid, monthly cycles and peeing on sticks. Perhaps for the very first time, the Internet let her down: she struggled to find reading material that engaged and entertained her. She wanted a kid but didn’t want to be patronised, bored to tears or beaten over the head with an idealised version of pregnancy. She wanted the honest, open, warts-and-all version. And that’s what you’ll find if you go pay her a visit.



Staying sane when trying to conceive


My friend Mila keeps gold bars in her attic. In her cupboards you’ll find boxes upon boxes of bottled water, over-the-counter meds and canned goods. She once moved in with a soldier, dazzled by his survival skills and ready access to arms. Her latest scheme is to breed rabbits – ‘they’re cute for now and food for emergencies’.


She’s brilliant but bonkers. Fairly normal on the surface, in secret she’s a devout believer in TEOTWAKI. The mother of all conspiracy theories, it stands for ‘the end of the world as we know it’. Catastrophe is nigh and few will survive.


Given the extremity of their outlook, TEOTWAKI enthusiasts are surprisingly liberal in defining their threat. They allow for a staggering range of scenarios, including nuclear meltdown, errant astroids, zombie attacks and super volcanos. They fervently practice ‘preparedness’, stockpiling goods and acquiring survival skills.


‘It’s an expensive habit’, Mila admits, laughing, ‘and it takes up all your storage space’.


I met up with her recently. On the way, I popped into the chemist for some shampoo and got distracted in the pregnancy aisle. Unable to resist the temptation, I went nuts. It was like pharmageddon: I came out with piles of ovulation and pregnancy tests, three kinds of prenatal vitamins and an intriguing sperm-count test. Excessive, I know. We’ve only been trying for a baby for a month: I wanted to wait until after we were married.


I showed Mila the bulging bag, feeling sheepish but figuring she’d understand.


She laughed in my face.


When a TEOTWAKI follower mocks you, you know you’ve over-prepared.



But right now, I feel like I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole into a strange new world of folic acid, monthly cycles and peeing on sticks. I’m bemused, excited and terrified.


I’ve spent more than half my life desperately trying not to get pregnant. And I’ve done a good job so far. Finding out at 12 that a family friend had HIV turned me into the poster girl for safe sex. I made my first boyfriend wear extra-strong Durex; we were both virgins and I don’t think he realised what he was missing out on at the time. Heck, I once made a boyfriend wear a condom during oral sex – ‘just in case’.


Before moving to Russia at 18, I’d been spooked by Soviet footage of pixelated people queuing for scarce supplies. I was scared the local contraception wouldn’t be up to my ludicrously high standards. So, like a nymphomaniac girl scout, I decided I should go prepared if I ever wanted to get laid. I filled half my hand luggage with bumper packs of condoms.


A last minute packer as ever, I had to buy them all at once and endured a barrage of scowls and tuts from the ageing check-out-lady. Back in England and faced with the latest in a string of boyfriends who couldn’t keep it up with condoms on, I eventually admitted defeat and switched to the pill. And Cerazette’s been keeping me posted on the day of the week for over a decade since.


Then recently I stopped taking the pill. Suddenly, abruptly, mid-pack. Because, after years of not wanting to get pregnant, getting pregnant is now exactly what I want.


Most of my preconceptions on conception date back to biology and sex education classes at school. Our sex ed. teacher, a woman none of us could imagine actuallydoing it, was determined to debunk every sexual myth we’d heard. And plenty that we hadn’t. She instilled dread into our nervous little hearts.


* You can get pregnant the first time you have sex.

* You can get pregnant having sex standing up.

* You can get pregnant during your period.


From the way she spoke, you’d think getting pregnant was the easiest thing in the world. The NHS website has a similar myth-busting section. I understand why. The UK has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in Europe. It’s important that kids learn about pregnancy and STDs. But frank discussion of the flipside – reproductive challenges – was sacrificed at the altar of safe sex.


* More than one in six pregnancies ends in miscarriage.

* Around one in 15 women suffers from polycystic ovary syndrome.

* The monthly window for conception is only a few days long.


These are things I’m only learning now as I start to read up on pregnancy. Within the first year of trying for a baby, 85% of women get pregnant.


You might read that and feel relieved.


I don’t.


I start to worry that I’ll be in the 15% who don’t.


‘Relax’, they say, ‘it’ll happen when you stop thinking about it’. I’m trying, I really am. But how do you strike a balance between optimising your chance of getting pregnant and staying sane?



This article first appeared in full on the Huffington Post . Parts of it were previously published on


You can follow Ella’s blog, Breaking Up With Contraception on Pintrest and twitter.



Did you under or over estimate how long it would take you to conceive?



You can read previous guest posts from the Rookie Mistakes series here.

If you are a blogger and wish to take part in the series you can find out more here.

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15 Comments on Rookie Mistakes – A Guest Post by Breaking Up With Contraception

  1. Emily
    April 16, 2016 at 6:48 pm (6 months ago)

    Very informative post! Really there are so many myths about sex that we need to tell people. I think the biggest is that there is a safe time to have unprotected sex ever!

    Great post!

  2. jenny
    December 8, 2015 at 10:19 am (11 months ago)

    Great guest post and love her writing. So funny on a topic that’s challenging and hard to share when struggling to reproduce. Thank you ever so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme
    jenny recently posted…A gift for parents that is needed #MandPnightoffMy Profile

  3. Backsnbumps.
    December 7, 2015 at 8:24 pm (11 months ago)

    Good luck and I hope you conceive soon. I think after you’ve been on the pill for so long you can’t really count the first 6 months of trying as you need to get the hormones out of your system. This was certainly true for me. #maternitymondays
    Backsnbumps. recently posted…Our special present for the babyMy Profile

  4. wendy
    December 7, 2015 at 11:51 am (11 months ago)

    This is a great post. I was shocked at how long it took me to get pregnant when I came off the pill, it was only 11 months but felt like forever. Just when I convinced myself it wasn’t going to happen. .it happened! Love that you bought a massive haul of condoms before moving away!xx #maternitymondays

  5. A Cornish Mum
    December 5, 2015 at 10:44 pm (11 months ago)

    That’s the thing with the pill when you’ve been taking it for years it can take a long time to get out of your system enough for your body to get pregnant for many people. I hate how hard it is for some to get what they so desperately want – to be a mum, it must be soul destroying.

    Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix
    Stevie x
    A Cornish Mum recently posted…Marmalade the Mouse and His Cornish AdventureMy Profile

  6. becca farrelly
    December 2, 2015 at 10:41 pm (11 months ago)

    Great post, I had not actually thought about the points you make, I had never thought about it from the other side. We spent a year talking about having a baby and then when it came to it, we thought it would take a year or so and it actually took us 2 months! looking back I wish we had waited a year but obviously wouldn’t change Mia for the world! 🙂

    becca farrelly recently posted…Family Traditions for Mother & Baby magazineMy Profile

  7. Random Musings
    December 2, 2015 at 8:50 pm (11 months ago)

    I really enjoyed this post, I got a chuckle at the pre-Russia shopping lol 🙂 It’s funny how easy it seems to be to get pregnant when you really don’t want to and then how hard it becomes when you do want to! Good luck 🙂 #Sharewithme
    Random Musings recently posted…Secret Santa: 3 Ways To Make Yours A SuccessMy Profile

  8. Cheryl @ ReimerandRuby
    December 2, 2015 at 7:11 pm (11 months ago)

    Lovely post! I’m actually a bit lucky that I felt pregnant so quick as soon as me and my husband decided to have one… although I had the miscarriage at first but after 3 months, I got pregnant again and that’s how I have my 5 yr old now. I have 2 kids now and doesn’t want anymore, so I decided to get coil implant to make sure I won’t get pregnant by mistake. Best of luck! #sharewithme
    Cheryl @ ReimerandRuby recently posted…the Good and Bad side of dealing with a sick childMy Profile

  9. Catie: An Imperfect Mum
    December 2, 2015 at 12:12 pm (11 months ago)

    I was exactly the same I never even thought about my fertility until I married. We were very lucky and feel pregnant straight away with the big lad but I had 2 miscarriages and it took what felt to us ages to conceive the little man.I tried not to be obsessed by it but it overtook me. Great post! #sharewithme
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  10. Rebecca U
    December 2, 2015 at 12:01 pm (11 months ago)

    I was very naive about the whole thing and thought you can get pregnant just like that – I guess for some people they do. It definitely took longer than I thought it would #sharewithme
    Rebecca U recently posted…AW15 from VertbaudetMy Profile

  11. Mummy Fever
    December 2, 2015 at 7:15 am (11 months ago)

    This is brilliant – I totally get the bit about spending most of your life trying NOT to get pregnant then suddenly you go completely the opposite way. I underestimated this no doubt. I have four children and the first and third took four months of ‘proper’ trying. The second and fourth took one go! It’s a ll a minefield. 4 months is nothing compared to what lots of people go through but it felt like a life time . Bizzare. #sharewithme
    Mummy Fever recently posted…Winter family fun: part fiveMy Profile


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