The Big Questions

I thought I would be a no nonsense mum when it came to the ‘awkward’ or ’embarrassing’ things that my children would ask.  The big questions.  I admire those mums who use the correct words for body parts, I really do.  But I can’t say penis without giggling.  


Where do babies come from


I completely understand the argument that we should be upfront and honest with our kids.  We should be grown ups about it.  But!  When the big one asked me what girls have instead of willies (yes we call them willies in our house) my brain went into panic mode.  Seriously, there were alarm bells screeching in my head and a million thoughts zooming around, all trying to be heard over the racket:  

Don’t call it a noo noo.

What do other people call it?

This is going to effect the rest of his life.  No pressure!

Seriously don’t call it a noo noo.

Why is he asking ME this, why can’t he ask his father these questions?

Is he too young?

I’m sweating.

Vagina is the way to go.

Ok you’ve totally got this.

No noo noos around here.

Vagina Vagina Vagina.

Deep breath….

“Girls have a front bottom darling.”

*Face palms.  You are such a noo noo.


To be fair, I think I’ve gotten away with avoiding this question for quite a while with rapid subject changes..  Most of these conversations have unsurprisingly taken place when I am accompanied to the toilet:

“Oh no Mummy!  Your willy fell off.”

“No!  Mummy doesn’t have a willy.”

“How does the wee come out?”

“Would you like some chocolate?”

“Yes please, can I eat it in the lounge and watch TV?”

“Of course.”


See, nicely avoided.  Perfect parenting by anyone’s standard.


Some questions I thought I was prepared for.  When I was pregnant with the little one I assumed the “where do babies come from?” question was inevitable.  The husband and I even discussed what we would tell him.  Except he didn’t ask.  The months ticked by, my stomach grew bigger, and there was no mention of how the baby got inside mummy’s tummy.  Nothing! But then one day he asked, “Mummy, how is the baby going to get out of your tummy?”  

Damn it.  We hadn’t prepared for that one.


When he eventually did ask the big question a few months ago, I gave him the rehearsed answer.  “Daddy planted a special seed in Mummy’s tummy.”  Given he is a six year old boy, and one of his favourite past times is running around the playground with his mates shouting “BUM” “POO” and “WILLIES”, less information is definitely more.  Except he had more questions.  Damn it:

“Where did Daddy get the seed from?”

Shit!  Why didn’t we prepare for more questions?

“It’s a special seed you get when you are a grown up to make babies.”

Nice one!

“So how did Daddy put the seed inside your tummy?”

Seriously kid, what’s with all the questions?  What are you trying to do to me?  

“Errr ummmm Daddy gave Mummy a special cuddle.”


OK, you’ve got away with it.  nicely done.

“Did Daddy put the seed up your bottom?”

*hides face in kitchen cupboard whilst laughing uncontrollably.


(And no, he most certainly didn’t, just in case you are wondering!)


I am actually learning things from him at the moment.  The other day he told me he had a ‘widgie’…

“Do you mean a wedgie?”

“No, a widgie.  Do you know what a widgie is?”


“It’s when your willy gets stuck to your balls.”


So.  Now I know.


I can handle the questions about death, bad people and sad things.  I can administer hugs and reassurance no problem.  But when it comes to body parts and sex, it turns out I am far from a no nonsense mum.  But that might be a good thing.

Last week we were in the queue at the supermarket surrounded by old ladies when he said, “Mummy, I love my little brother so much”.  Cue lots of ahhs from the surrounding bystanders.  “I’m so glad Daddy gave you that special cuddle.” Ahem.

I still think it sounds better than a six-year old saying “I’m so glad you and Daddy had sexual intercourse.”  And way better than “I’m so glad Daddy put his special seed up your bottom.”

I’m hoping by the time the little one starts asking the big questions I’ll have all the answers. Failing that I’m resorting to, “Ask Daddy.”


Are you a no nonsense mum when it comes to answering your kids questions, or do you find yourself floundering and getting a bit sweaty?


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60 Comments on Where do Babies Come From?

  1. Laura Nicholson Simpson (@2travellingtots)
    July 1, 2016 at 9:47 pm (4 months ago)

    Literally laughing my head off at this! I was informed today by my big one (whose 3) that I don’t have a willy but that I don’t need to worry because I have 2 bums instead! this after him staring at me in horrified fascination whilst I was trying to have a shower in peace! #awkward! x

  2. Laura Nicholson Simpson (@2travellingtots)
    July 1, 2016 at 9:45 pm (4 months ago)

    This is amazing! literally laughing my head off πŸ™‚ out of the mouths of little ones! Mine informed me today that I don;t have a willie because I’m not a boy but not to worry about it because I have 2 bums instead…and this after him staring at me in horrified fascination whilst I was trying to take a shower in peace…awkward! x

  3. Carry On Katy
    May 30, 2016 at 10:26 am (5 months ago)

    Hahaha!!! Special cuddle is perfect! I remember the exact day when I found out what actually happens and I was DISGUSTED! ” Mummy would never do that!” I said. My childhood was ruined!
    So I’m all for the ‘special cuddle’. It’s way more beautiful than the actual thing. X

  4. Jenny
    May 25, 2016 at 9:58 pm (5 months ago)

    I got the first taste of this too a few weeks ago. I have to say it caught me off guard as B is only four and I keep thinking it would be closer to 8 he would ask me these things but kids at school talk. EEK So not ready for it. Love your answers. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

  5. Silly Mummy
    May 25, 2016 at 1:52 pm (5 months ago)

    Haha – this is hilarious! No, I dread dealing with all this stuff too, and I’m glad my eldest was too young to ever ask about the pregnancy! Funnily enough, however, I’m the complete opposite with the terms – I can just about handle the real names, but find both the vulgar and the cutesy terms awkward & embarrassing! So I have never said ‘willy’, and would like to continue that! πŸ˜€ #coolmumclub
    Silly Mummy recently posted…Freudian Psychology (Toddler Lessons: Part Six)My Profile

  6. Lucy
    May 25, 2016 at 8:35 am (5 months ago)

    Ha ha ha this made me laugh out loud.
    In my house my mum always referred to it as a front bottom – my husband looks at me like I’m nuts if I say it
    Glad I now know what a widgie is

  7. Eliana
    May 23, 2016 at 7:27 pm (5 months ago)

    Hiya! Really sorry I missed the deadline on Friday frolics, I got all messed up and thought it lasted for a whole week so I thought on reading some posts today.. #rookie mistake! I’m catching up now and hope to join again and comment on time! πŸ™‚ Eliana xx (Delete this comment) just tried to DM on Twitter but couldn’t do it :S
    Eliana recently posted…Monday is for the small things that make us happy – The smile on the mirrorMy Profile

  8. Eliana
    May 23, 2016 at 7:20 pm (5 months ago)

    This was hilarious! So cute with the special cuddle πŸ™‚ haha at least It wasn’t like when we explained our 4 y.old how her little brother would come out. She kept asking me if I was having the baby every time I needed to go to the toilet! Xx

  9. Becky, Cuddle Fairy
    May 23, 2016 at 11:09 am (5 months ago)

    OMG I am laughing so hard reading this – I had no idea what a widgie was nor had I heard of that before. Oh I am dreading this convo so far no one has asked these specific questions so I’ve gotten away with it. Not looking forward to “the talk” at all though. And I can’t say vagina either. Thanks so much for joining us for #BloggerClubUK x
    Becky, Cuddle Fairy recently posted…Our Subscription Box from BookawooMy Profile

  10. Crummy Mummy
    May 22, 2016 at 2:54 pm (5 months ago)

    We haven’t had this question yet but it’s only a matter of time. I haven’t a clue what I’d say! #coolmumclub
    Crummy Mummy recently posted…#MySundayPhotoMy Profile

  11. Lisa Pomerantz
    May 21, 2016 at 4:45 pm (5 months ago)

    Brilliant! The special cuddle. Try being us-two moms with two girls. Big, or oldest never asks anything. But Little, she has an inquiring mind, usually right before bedtime. She asked the same, How did I get in Ema’s belly (Ema is the Mrs.)? I replied, I helped you get there. Pretty age appropriate. Seemed to quell her process. No need to understand turkey basters and what not…yet. #StayClassy Thanks for this post!

  12. Cal at Family Makes
    May 21, 2016 at 3:07 pm (5 months ago)

    This is so, so funny! Also worrying, because I’ve been getting away with having ‘the chat’ for too long! My 2 were both born by c-section, so I got away with the explanation that ‘the doctor cut you out of my tummy in the hospital’, but last week my son started a conversation in the middle of The Range, in the petfood section to be precise, about whether we would let our dog have puppies, and how they would get there. Help!! #CoolMumClub

  13. jade
    May 21, 2016 at 9:50 am (5 months ago)

    Popping back for #Fridayfrolics My little lad calls a vagina a ladybird…because when I wimped out when he was younger I said they were mummy’s ladybits.. and he misheard..I stuck with option.

  14. Savannah
    May 21, 2016 at 5:03 am (5 months ago)

    Oh my gosh, kids are HILARIOUS!!!! I was laughing so hard at this! “Did Daddy put the seed up your bottom?” HAHA! OMG!
    My son is only 13 months old, so I should still have a little while to start rehearsing. #StayClassy

  15. The Mum Project
    May 20, 2016 at 9:16 pm (5 months ago)

    Hahaha I was literally laughing out loud while reading this. I’m glad I know what a widjie is now, just in case my son ever mentions it when he is older. I may use the special cuddle as well, it sounds nice and prevents awkward situations like the grocery store. Although I always thought I would be no nonsense as well, but honestly I have no idea how I would handle the situation. I remember my Mom told me everything when I was 6 years old and I think it was too much! haha I wasn’t a boy though, so I didn’t run around telling everyone. Thanks for sharing with #StayClassy!

  16. Nicole - Tales from Mamaville
    May 20, 2016 at 8:15 pm (5 months ago)

    ‘Did daddy put the seed up your bottom?’!!! Omg thats hilarious. I can only picture you red in the face, trying not to laugh. Super post.

  17. Bridie By The Sea
    May 20, 2016 at 7:53 pm (5 months ago)

    Haha this is brilliant!! I want to be a no nonsense mum too but I fear I’ll be exactly the same. I love how you divert the conversation with chocolate, that’s definitely going to be my tactic too πŸ˜‰ #familyfun

  18. Marmee March
    May 20, 2016 at 4:22 pm (5 months ago)

    Brilliant post – really funny! I cringe when my girls say front bottom but I started with that and now vagina is not catching on!!!

  19. The Tale of Mummyhood
    May 20, 2016 at 4:08 pm (5 months ago)

    This literally made me laugh out loud, absolutely brilliant! My eldest is just coming up to one so we aren’t at this stage yet, but after reading this I might start preparing now! Fantastic!


  20. Annette, 3 Little Buttons
    May 20, 2016 at 3:32 pm (5 months ago)

    Oh no! Hehe… I am not sure what I would have said to those questions. Will have to remember that I will need to back up answers. #FridayFrolics

  21. Isabel O
    May 20, 2016 at 3:21 pm (5 months ago)

    This has me in stitches and I’m not even a mummy. I am an aunty though, and I will be cackling with glee watching my dear sister trying to figure out how to explain all THAT stuff to my niece. She’s only just about to turn 3 so fingers crossed we have a bit of time left yet where we can just talk about fairies and cake.

  22. Jo Sandelson
    May 20, 2016 at 1:36 pm (5 months ago)

    A WIDGIE!! God hope he’s untangled himself by now. I always have a problem with widgets on sidebar but nothing like this. Excellent post Claire. Jo πŸ™‚

  23. Ellen
    May 20, 2016 at 12:06 pm (5 months ago)

    Yep I am laughing aloud!!! This is so funny. I want to be a no nonsense mum but who knows… must start preparing all my answers to any possible questions!! I love it when people tell their children the actual medical names for things but I’m not sure I am bold enough. Also a widgie…ahahaahaha! #FamilyFun
    Ellen recently posted…7 pairs of trousers & not 1 pair fits: the realities of a post-pregnancy bodyMy Profile

  24. Honest Mum
    May 20, 2016 at 10:05 am (5 months ago)

    Bahaha hilare ‘special cuddle’ love that one!

  25. Right Royal Mother
    May 20, 2016 at 5:09 am (5 months ago)

    Oh this is very funny. We have gone with the real words which is ok except that NG keeps ‘practising’ saying ‘vagina’ in very awkward places, like queuing to board an aeroplane. I love the ‘widgie’ – definitely didn’t know that one. Well done for all your tactics/management so far … (and WHY isn’t there a better name than ‘front bottom’ or ‘noo noo’?! #fridayfrolics
    Right Royal Mother recently posted…Prince George Puts the Mouth in PortsmouthMy Profile

  26. Anna Brophy
    May 20, 2016 at 4:41 am (5 months ago)

    I had never heard of a front bottom; I am learning every day. Definitely a bagina and willy household here. #FridayFrolics
    Anna Brophy recently posted…THE PRINCESS & THE PEEMy Profile

  27. Louise (Little Hearts, Big Love)
    May 19, 2016 at 10:58 pm (5 months ago)

    Lol this is so funny. I’ve learned something new – never knew what a “widgie” was before and was really laughing over his question about whether Daddy put the special seed up your bottom. Saying “I’m so glad you and Daddy had a special cuddle” in the middle of the supermarket is priceless. Thankfully I have yet to get to this stage. My eldest hasn’t yet started asking about why boys and girls are different. As to what we call it – we went with “girlie bits” – nice and simple πŸ™‚

  28. Joanna @mumbalance
    May 19, 2016 at 9:24 pm (5 months ago)

    You’ve made me laugh πŸ™‚ My toddler is not quite three yet, and his baby sister is 4 months. He didn’t ask how the baby got there or how it got out – luckily! He did ask where is his sister’s winky, while assisting with nappy changing. I just said that she hasn’t got one, just like mummy. I couldn’t think of a name though, and vagina just seemed to big a word for him (and for his baby sister’s body parts). We still need to crack this one!

  29. mainy - myrealfairy
    May 19, 2016 at 7:46 pm (5 months ago)

    OMG that was so funny, I’ve been reading it again and again because I’ve enjoyed the feeling of a proper belly laugh out loud. Brilliant! I’ve never heard of a widgie before and my boys are 7 and 10 so I guess I’ve got that one coming. When I had to explain giving birth because they cornered me and demanded to know, I said that it came out of mummys special ‘canal’, honest to god that’s what I said. They just thought it was so ridiculous that they decided amongst themselves that they come out of bums! I’ve ruined my children!

    mainy – myrealfairy


  30. Sarah Aslett
    May 19, 2016 at 4:15 pm (5 months ago)

    Woman! This is amazing! I am pissing myself laughing! I’m so stressed about the vagina business – I don’t want to say fanny and even front bottom seems a weird thing to say. I keep dodging this with the exact same tactics. Currently he is too young for the baby making one thank god!
    Also your kid is a legend – widgie is the best thing I’ve heard in a while! Thanks for linking up #stayclassy

  31. jeremy@thirstydaddy
    May 19, 2016 at 3:38 pm (5 months ago)

    I’ve had many variations of this conversation over the years. For a while I had her believing that daddy used magic to put her inside mommy. She now knows how they come but it’s been a while since we talked about how they get in there. Hopefully it’s a while longer. i don’t think magic is going to cut it next time. #brilliantblogposts
    jeremy@thirstydaddy recently posted…A Story About a GirlMy Profile

  32. An imperfect mum (Catie)
    May 19, 2016 at 3:37 pm (5 months ago)

    This was hilarious. I’ve never heard of a widgie but I too get all Miranda around word like penis, periods and vagina. My little man had a thing about saying vagina at one point and even said it in front of my 92 year old nana, she nearly died… TY for linking up to #FamilyFun
    An imperfect mum (Catie) recently posted…Family Fun #17My Profile

  33. Shaunacey
    May 19, 2016 at 3:35 pm (5 months ago)

    this might be the best post on the internet, seriously, freaking hilarious. I literally have tears in my eyes. Sharing on my facebook page because I loved it that much! thanks for the laughs

    Simply Shaunacey

  34. Emma
    May 19, 2016 at 1:17 pm (5 months ago)

    bahaha brilliant – a widgie. I love their innocence and what they find funny. #brillblogposts

  35. Emma
    May 19, 2016 at 12:40 pm (5 months ago)

    Oh this had me howling with laughter!! A widgie is a brilliant term. I am dreading these questions, dreading! I will become all sweaty and flustered. Argh! We don’t call a vagina well a vagina either. For some reason it has become known as a foof. I don’t know why but I need to address that especially as Youngest likes to shout when we are in the car “foof out” she means the seat belt but it does cause much confusion #coolmumclub
    Emma recently posted…I am attending Brit Mums Live 2016My Profile

  36. Mrs Tubbs
    May 19, 2016 at 11:56 am (5 months ago)

    There is no right answer to this at all. Whatever you say, it sounds rubbish! We resorted to front bottom as well and mumbled references to “plumbing”.

  37. Eb Gargano
    May 19, 2016 at 11:39 am (5 months ago)

    Fab post! I am hugely fortunate that my kids don’t actually ask me many questions about this stuff! Because I would be rubbish at answering them!! I have a girl and a boy, so the ‘what do you call a girl’s bits?’ question came up – we called it ‘lady bits’ which somehow became a ‘ladybird’, so now in our house it gets referred to as a ‘ladybird’ – I realise at some point I am going to have to explain that NO ONE ELSE calls it that! But it is handy when we’re out and one of them starts talking about ladybirds and no one else has a clue what they’re on about πŸ™‚ Eb x

  38. Cheryl @ Tea or Wine
    May 19, 2016 at 11:38 am (5 months ago)

    Hah! This is great. I’m with you, I don’t mind any of the random questions (and we’ve lately had a lot of talk about death from our 4 year old), but the sex questions get me a bit hot and bothered! Hilarious what your son said about the seed in the bottom!!! My 2 year old just asked me yesterday “Do boys not like boobs mummy?” I had to hide my laughter too! #CoolMumClub x
    Cheryl @ Tea or Wine recently posted…Oh Sh!t! My Toddler Is Swearing!My Profile

  39. Turning Up in Devon
    May 19, 2016 at 11:23 am (5 months ago)

    Great to know what a widgie is! I seem to have the ‘where do babies come’ from convo with my eldest every 6 months or so (he’s just turned 9) and I’m still hanging on by my fingertips with special mummy and daddy cuddle but have had to say vagina as a means for the baby to travel down! Its comforting that kids will stop asking up to the point that they can process the info. #stayclassy

  40. Blabbermama
    May 19, 2016 at 10:31 am (5 months ago)

    Hahaha o dear, I have all this ahead of me, my little boy is 7 months old and I think the ‘ask daddy’ is a good option right now when all else fails! I just can’t keep a straight face. Loved this it gave me a giggle! #stayclassy

  41. MMT
    May 19, 2016 at 10:07 am (5 months ago)

    Claire I just nearly wet myself laughing…this is hilarious!

    Tigs asked me how Dangermouse came out of my tummy…to which I came up with ‘The doctors helped me’…which is neither nonsense or a lie! It’s like a flipping game how this parenting malarky! Fingers on buzzers for the next question!
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub
    MMT recently posted…#coolmumclub Linky week 27My Profile

  42. Rach
    May 19, 2016 at 8:07 am (5 months ago)

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA this is brilliant!!!!! I was laughing all the way through. I get a bit flustered re the right words to say, I’m not one who can say penis without laughing either!! #stayclassy

  43. John Adams
    May 19, 2016 at 8:01 am (5 months ago)

    Nope, I’m a no nonsense dad. Answered many such a question about sex. Menstruation too. I’m staggered at how many parents have issues with discussing these subjects. I can think of one mum who has commented on my blog in the past. She has teenaged kids and never spoken to them about sex. I seriously don’t have a problem with it. The issue, I think, is talking about it in a way that doesn’t make you / your kid sound stupid if they repeat what you say in the playground. #BrilliantBlogPosts

  44. Mess and Merlot
    May 18, 2016 at 10:02 pm (5 months ago)

    Pahaha we’re Team Noonoo all the way in this house! If in doubt I go with what my Mum told me : “I’ll tell you when you’re older!” Then I just read it all in Just Seventeen #brillblogpost

  45. manstayshome
    May 18, 2016 at 9:54 pm (5 months ago)

    I think you handled that brilliantly! I can usually do some deflecting to the point where they go and ask their mum. Problem solved!

    Thanks for sharing! #BrilliantBlogPosts

  46. jade
    May 18, 2016 at 4:03 pm (5 months ago)

    Haha I love this..mine is 5 and I wasn’t so skilled at the questions as you, I also went for seed, but agreed daddy put it in my tummy button. Then my son said he was going to put a seed in his friends tummy as a baby would be cool. We had to do some fast talking about privacy and babies are for grown ups and oh dear lets go google a kid friendly description of how to. I am totally the noo noo. #bloggerclubuk

  47. ghostwritermummy
    May 18, 2016 at 2:04 pm (5 months ago)

    For me it depends on the child and their age. Eva is almost 12 now so we have more grown up conversations and I have to keep a straight face while she giggles! Hah. I don’t think there is anything gained from being uptight about it, whatever works for you is nobody else’s business. There are good books you can buy to save you having to explain too πŸ™‚ x x

  48. Coombe Mill - Fiona
    May 18, 2016 at 11:43 am (5 months ago)

    Oh I miss all of this, my kids favourite time for these questions was always sharing a public loo cubical somewhere at full voice, you could practically hear the giggles from the rest of the cubicles! #sharewithme
    Coombe Mill – Fiona recently posted…Create a Magical Indoor Fairy GardenMy Profile

  49. Mummy Fever
    May 18, 2016 at 11:24 am (5 months ago)

    Oh this made me scream out load with laughter – so similar to conversations with my four. Thanks for linking to #sharewithme
    Mummy Fever recently posted…Is your health at risk from work?My Profile

  50. justsayingmum
    May 18, 2016 at 9:37 am (5 months ago)

    oh this had me laughing out loud – so so funny – seed up the bottom – i’m crying! Widgie – brilliant and your avoidance tactics – inspired! Thank you for making me laugh #BloggerClubUK

  51. Luke Strickland
    May 18, 2016 at 8:10 am (5 months ago)

    Well I never knew what a widgie was before – my life is now complete! Thanks for such helpful illumination! Enjoyed connecting with your blog via #BloggerClubUK

  52. EssexKate
    May 16, 2016 at 3:47 pm (6 months ago)

    when my eldest asked how her baby sister was going to get out of my belly I pointed to my front bottom (yes that’s the term I tend to use). All was fine until we were at nursery when she tried to pull my skirt up to show everyone where the baby was going to come from.


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