There are plenty of things I look forward to hearing this Christmas; my children’s excited squeals, tearing paper and of course The Pogues! But there are three sentences I do not want to hear from the mouths of my children on Christmas day.
1 “He’s Been”
Okay we all want to hear our kids delirious with wonder when they discover that Father Christmas has been down the chimney, eaten his mince pie and deposited some gifts. It’s not what they say with this one but when they say it. Two O’clock in the morning is not really an ideal time. I’m not at my best. Quite frankly at two O’clock in the morning I don’t care if he has been and left Gerard Butler under my Christmas tree with a tag with my name on it and “not just for Christmas”. It’s TWO O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING.
2 “I’ve already got that”
Can be replaced with “I didn’t want that”, “clothes are boring” or “Mummy said I couldn’t have that because it wouldn’t last 5 minutes”. On the whole I have well mannered children, but they are children and are therefore honest and lack social filters. Most of the time we adore them for the little gems they come out with. There are also the times we want the ground to open up and swallow us so we can avoid the awkward silence that follows. Don’t be fooled into thinking these unwelcome gift insights are reserved for their toys. They will quite happily tell Grandma that you don’t like that perfume she bought you too.
3 “The baby has swallowed some of my Lego”
Merry Christmas Everyone
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