There’s no such word as can’t.


Bollocks to that.  Whoever came up with that little gem has clearly never come up against the obstacles faced when you reach the “if I get any bigger I am going to pop” stage of pregnancy.  I believe this is the official name for this stage.  It occurs in the third trimester anytime from 33 weeks onwards.  It lasts well beyond the point of vindaloos, bouncing on birthing balls, and bribing your unborn child to get the hell out of there.


Can't do when Pregnant Post Image



1 Pick up things from the floor.

It’s near on impossible to pick up anything from the floor, take it from someone who spent the best part of a morning trying to retrieve a debit card.  Ordinarily this wouldn’t be a problem, but a lesser known side effect in the last trimester is the ‘Klutz phase’.  Let’s just say if you drop 100 things in your life time, 90% of those dropages will occur when the only thing you want to drop is your ginormous bump.  Hence why my debit card was on the floor.  Now of course you could get down onto your knees to retrieve the dropped item, but this then begs the question, how the hell are you going to get back up again?


2 Sleep comfortably

You can’t lay on your front or your back and despite having 20 additional pillows in the bed with you and about 2 inches spare for your husband to sleep, getting comfortable only occurs 30 seconds before the requirement to pee arises.  Which leads us nicely onto number 3.


3 Go 10 minutes without needing to pee

I’m talking if-I-don’t-get-to-the-toilet-in-the-next-5-seconds-I-am-going-to-pee-my-pants kind of urge.  (That’s if you can get off the sofa in 5 seconds which is highly unlikely).  So desperate is your need to empty your bladder that you resort to doing the ‘toilet waddle’ in case any escapes, which you haven’t done since you were six years old.  Then?  The moment of relief.  Seriously? Is that it?  A hamster could produce more.


4 Do up you shoes without assistance

The same can be said for putting on socks, painting your toenails, shaving your legs, and pretty much anything involving the lower half of your body.  Never mind, at least you can’t see your toes at this point.


5 Watch My Sisters Keeper…

…Notting Hill, PS I Love you, DIY SOS, Save The Children Adverts, The News.  Hell even Cbeebies (although Topsy and Tim makes me cry when I’m not pregnant – please make it stop).  Anything and everything will have you weeping and leave your partner wondering what the hell happened to you and was it his fault.  You may as well wear an ‘approach with caution’ sign around your neck.


6 Sit down gracefully

Get used to it.  Sitting down after the birth doesn’t get any easier. *winces at the memories.


7 Get out of your car

Yes you are too fat to be able to get out of your car in a normal parking space.  What’s worse is when you are able to get out, but return to find someone has parked to close to your door and you can’t get back in.  Take it from my personal experience, climbing across the passenger seat to get to the drivers seat when heavily pregnant is not pretty, clever, or very easy.  The hot sweaty mess you become in the process may prepare you somewhat for your labour look.


8 Go anywhere without everyone giving you advice

How to bring on labour, what to do in labour, baby advice.  Or there’s the really helpful terrifying birth stories, you know the ones where they were in labour for 7 days with a 12 pound baby. Then there’s the people that look at you whilst shaking their heads and saying “sleepless nights. You’ve got it all to come.”  Then proceed to tell you how their baby cried for six weeks straight.  You all know that I can’t change my mind about this now right?


9 Wear anything remotely fashionable

Maternity clothes cost a small fortune, so you are likely to have been wearing the same thing for the last 3 months.  If you have the added pleasure of being heavily pregnant during a heatwave you won’t need to worry about fashion as you will just want to sit around in your pants all day. Moaning.


10 Resist peeking into the nursery 10 times a day…

..and holding teeny tiny baby clothes over your bump whilst sighing contentedly (and maybe weeping and needing a pee)


What would you add?


This post was featured on Mumsnet.


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30 Comments on 10 Things You Can’t Do When You’re 9 Months Pregnant

  1. You Baby Me Mummy
    February 9, 2016 at 9:32 am (9 months ago)

    Oh I remember it well! I wonder why I am not doing it again….? lol! Thanks for linking up to #TheList x x

  2. Laura
    February 8, 2016 at 7:39 am (9 months ago)

    Ha ha – too true! I have vivid memories of Hubs putting my shoes on and off, in the end I settled for flipflops a lot of the time. In March… #thelist

  3. Silly Mummy
    February 6, 2016 at 1:44 pm (9 months ago)

    The needing to pee all the time is so annoying! I would just like to say, though, that under no circumstances do I ever intend to watch My Sister’s Keeper or PS I Love You, that is not just restricted to when 9 months pregnant! 😉 #TheList
    Silly Mummy recently posted…Toddler MathematicsMy Profile

  4. Agent Spitback
    February 5, 2016 at 11:15 pm (9 months ago)

    Bwahaha…Too true! I hated not being able to tie my shoe laces! For me, please add “Are you having TWINS? You’re HUGE!” Thank you so much for pointing that out to me, so rudely! #Fridayfrolics

  5. Jessica Powell (Babi a Fi)
    February 5, 2016 at 10:00 pm (9 months ago)

    Agree with all of this. My OH would add ‘complaining’ lol. I went overdue by 12 days and I totally admit I was completely insufferable. But I’d earned it. Lol. #fridayfrolics
    Jessica Powell (Babi a Fi) recently posted…How to get a custom faviconMy Profile

  6. Helen - Mess Stress and Fancy Dress
    February 5, 2016 at 9:51 pm (9 months ago)

    Ah, the car climb. I once made a random stranger get into my car and reverse it out of the space as someone had parked too close. Good job I’m not up the duff now, or I probably would have pissed myself.
    Helen – Mess Stress and Fancy Dress recently posted…The friendship scaleMy Profile

  7. jeremy@thirstydaddy
    February 5, 2016 at 3:38 pm (9 months ago)

    going to show this to my wife that next time she sees a baby somewhere and gives me a look
    jeremy@thirstydaddy recently posted…Its Just a GameMy Profile

  8. Mama Zen
    February 5, 2016 at 1:46 pm (9 months ago)

    Yep. You have confirmed it for me. NEVER AGAIN!! Very funny post. Love it! I will look at this again if I ever get broody in the future.
    My husband just peered over my shoulder whilst I was reading this post and he now looks distinctly pale.
    Mama Zen recently posted…New Year’s Resolutions: Part 2My Profile

  9. Mummy Fever
    February 5, 2016 at 1:24 pm (9 months ago)

    Lol – I actually figured out if I stood like a giraffe I could pick anything up. #FridayFrolics
    Mummy Fever recently posted…It’s all relativeMy Profile

  10. This Mum's Life
    February 5, 2016 at 12:59 pm (9 months ago)

    Haha, I feel like I can finally laugh, now they’re all a distant memory!! With my second, I was MASSIVE from 24 weeks! I swear he reached his full 9lb 10 heavyweight at that stage, then just didn’t grow anymore after that. At 30 weeks, I burst into tears of frustration, and sobbed ‘I can’t do this anymore!! How I can I survive 10 more weeks of this??!’ However, I was lucky both times, that I escaped the permanent need to pee phenomenon-I never got up in the night ever, with either of them!
    This Mum’s Life recently posted…Football Hooliganism In Soft PlaysMy Profile

  11. laura dove
    February 5, 2016 at 11:05 am (9 months ago)

    Oh I feel so cheated with so many of these! I never got a bump with any of my five! I was like some kind of medical marvel!! HA! I can relate to not watching My Sisters Keeper, I actually did watch this while pregnant with my eldest daughter and I cried for five hours solid afterwards. The same applies to watching One Born Every Minute, my husband actually banned me from watching it in the end as he couldn’t handle the subsequent break down!! Thanks for hosting!!

  12. tracey at Mummyshire
    February 5, 2016 at 10:23 am (9 months ago)

    Haha, yes to all of those. I used to weep at car adverts – I just couldn’t stop! As for the “I need to go to the toilet now in the next 5 seconds” that was so up there when I was pregnant with my second!
    I’d also add strangers not being able to leave you alone!! Gosh, so many times strangers would put their hands on my body as it the bump was a public entity.
    Best of luck with the rest of the pregnancy, you can’t possibly get any bigger can you? Can you?!
    tracey at Mummyshire recently posted…Waiting : My Word of the WeekMy Profile

  13. Gemma Nuttall
    February 5, 2016 at 10:04 am (9 months ago)

    All of those hit the nail on the head for me me.
    The only one I would add is HEARTBURN!!!
    That son of a bitch made my last trimester with all 3 of mine HELL ON EARTH.
    I could drink a mouthful of water and I would get heartburn, i literally lived on a diet of various different Gaviscon’s to get me through the day. Chewy ones, chalky ones, liquid form…whatever. Just get them in my belly!!!!

    It’s so glamourous being preggers isnt it… ;-/


  14. Polly Sharpe
    February 5, 2016 at 8:55 am (9 months ago)

    I did about six of these! Brilliant – what a fab post. It is funny how quickly we forget though. Actually went for a run this morning – I KNOW! – first in about 3 years. Love the post!! 🙂 #fridayfrolics – Polly x

  15. Louise Rodgers
    February 5, 2016 at 7:50 am (9 months ago)

    HaaAaa! The nursery one!! I was so guilty of this!! And everything else obvs!!
    Despite all of these things I remained ridiculously stubborn throughout my whole pregnancy and refused to let anyone help me.
    Next time I have vowed to be a sloth.
    Louise Rodgers recently posted…I’m Stepping Out Of The Mum WarsMy Profile

  16. Emma
    February 5, 2016 at 7:41 am (9 months ago)

    hahaha, this has been a timely reminder of why I should stick at two, as much I love my children I’m not sure I could go through that again. Another thing you can’t do when pregant is account for your cat who thinks that bringing you a nice present is a live field mouse. Then watching you very bemused as you crash around the kitchen trying to catch said mouse which has now managed to get under your lino! I was not amused, either was the cat or the neighbours who didn’t understand my shrieks ;-/ #fridayfrolics

  17. AmyLovestoSew
    January 31, 2016 at 11:11 pm (9 months ago)

    Ah yes, I remember it well. And what is it with people being all smug and foreboding when they see you are expecting..’just you wait’ this and ‘you won’t know what’s hit you’ that – completely did our heads in!! I would add to your lovely list 1/feed the cats (poor souls, if it wasn’t for my husband I’m sure they would have moved out by now) and 2/ phone anyone who is waiting to hear the good news – when they realise you are just calling for a chat they get all disappointed…no, I haven’t had the baby yet, just wanted to say hello, sorry to let you down, again…Fab post 🙂


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