I don’t know about you but I am looking forward to a couple of weeks with no school runs. Especially no cold and wet school runs.  It feels like I have to add half an hour to my mornings at the moment just to get us out of the door in time for the 5 minute walk to school.  Leaving the house is a military operation.

And it’s the same every morning.  After the cajoling into getting dressed, teeth brushed, changing the baby’s nappy, pleading with my 5 year-old to stop playing with Lego and come eat his breakfast.  I say “hurry up” on loop.  The hour and three-quarters from waking to leaving flashes by in a blur.  But it’s the last 5 minutes that frazzle my nerves and leaves me wondering ‘is it bedtime yet?’!

This is my dance: The Winter Waltz

  • Wrestle baby into his coat
  • Tell the big one to get his shoes on
  • Strap baby into buggy
  • Tell the big one to get his shoes on
  • Place blanket over baby and attempt to do up the ‘buggy muff’ thingy
  • Tell the big one to stop stamping up and down in his shoes and get his coat on
  • Undo ‘buggy muff’ thingy as baby has pulled the blanket out and start the process again
  • Reason with the big one that he must wear his coat with the arms in the arm holes and not as a cape
  • Put baby’s gloves on
  • Explain that Batman’s mum makes him wear a coat too to the protesting big one
  • Put baby’s gloves back on
  • Put my boots on
  • Do up the big one’s coat
  • Put my coat on
  • Stop the big one strangling himself with his scarf
  • Roll eyes and big sigh as the big one proclaims he needs a wee and removes his coat
  • Put baby’s gloves back on
  • Put my scarf and hat on
  • Remind big one to flush the chain and wash his hands
  • “Hurry up”
  • Give up on the big one being independent.  Put his coat, scarf and hat on for him.  Who needs ‘life skills’ anyway?
  • Search for baby’s missing glove
  • Locate missing glove and put back on baby’s hand
  • Put baby’s hat on
  • Discover big one has vanished and begin search
  • Locate big one playing with Lego and begin leaving the house negotiations
  • Maneuver buggy down the hallway
  • One final check that we’re good to go
  • Put baby’s gloves back on
  • Put baby’s hat back on
  • Open the front door to discover in the five minutes you have been faffing around and loosing your sanity it has started pissing it down
  • Internally sob
  • Locate rain cover for the buggy
  • Wrestle rain cover onto the buggy and wonder if you need an actual degree in engineering to be able to fit one of these things
  • Reprimand the big one for telling you to “hurry up”
  • Locate the big one’s wellies and curse yourself for not cleaning them after the last visit to the farm
  • Replace the big one’s shoes with muddy wellies and add ‘cleaning the floor’ to your to-do list
  • Check the baby
  • Give up on the baby’s gloves
  • Ready to go
  • Now where did I put the keys?

I keep telling myself it will be easier in the summer.  But then I remember the sun-cream stand offs!

Anyone else dance to a similar tune in the mornings?

 

I need superglue for those gloves!
I need superglue for those gloves!

 

You can read Part two – The Summer Samba here.

 

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27 Comments on The Leaving the House Dance – Part one

  1. Nicole - Tales from Mamaville
    January 8, 2017 at 1:01 am (1 week ago)

    Love how you put a hilarious twist to even the most horrible situations. I just do the nursery run at the moment, which is not particularly time-bound, but I realise the school run (and a similar Winter Waltz) is coming soon!
    #FridayFrolics

    Reply
  2. Jenny-apply to face blog
    January 6, 2017 at 7:52 pm (1 week ago)

    OMG that is so my life.Mine are 5 & 6 and the gloves coat thing is not so much a problem anymore but now they argue about every thing you could possibly think of.Some mornings I could just stand and weep/scream in rotation!Had a hangover this morning…actually thought about not sending them to school because I couldn’t face it!!!

    Reply
  3. Mama Zen
    January 6, 2017 at 5:54 pm (1 week ago)

    Oh how i feel your pain!!! This is so accurate. Im so over School runs it already!! Especially the double School run – twice the stress! X

    Reply
  4. Coffee Mounds & Lipstick Clouds
    January 6, 2017 at 4:29 pm (1 week ago)

    LMFAO yes, yes. I feel you. Leaving the house is such a chore. It’s a battle I do not like to partake in. Thanks for the laugh! Xo

    #FridayFrolics

    Reply
  5. Helen
    January 6, 2017 at 2:22 pm (1 week ago)

    Always with the pissing it down by the time you’re ready haha!! I think I’ve got it easy at the moment with one ten month old…thanks for the heads up! #FridayFrolics
    Helen recently posted…Resolutions I should have madeMy Profile

    Reply
  6. Emma Island Living 365
    January 6, 2017 at 10:43 am (1 week ago)

    Ahhhh, this has made me all nostalgic…..for the holidays again. I must be mad. The summer is trickier here as we have to go out armed with a mountain of stuff for the beach and suncream up, make sure upvc (is that right?) suits are on, carry all of the buckets and spades, inflatable rings, wind tent etc etc. I am always laden down with stuff and we are normally half-way between beach and home when someone declares that they need a wee and there isn’t a loo in sight. Fun times! #FridayFrolics
    Emma Island Living 365 recently posted…A year ago today……My Profile

    Reply
  7. Agatha & Mary
    January 6, 2017 at 9:46 am (2 weeks ago)

    This takes me back – funny and poignant! It was always interesting with the twins and sometimes I would just give up after one too many escapees and stay indoors! #fridayfrolics

    Reply
  8. Chilli Regina
    January 6, 2017 at 8:00 am (2 weeks ago)

    Exactly! I hate winter and school runs! I cannot wait for the day we will leave in peace and quiet out the door. I could tell you my school run dance, but it would take too long;)). But it was similar to yours when my kids were younger. #FridayFrolics

    Reply
  9. Squirmy Popple
    January 6, 2017 at 7:02 am (2 weeks ago)

    Our nursery run isn’t quite as bad because I only have one child to manage, but it’s still a constant struggle to get the shoes and coat on every morning, plus make sure she has all the dummies/snacks/toys she wants. No hats or gloves in this house – she just refuses them no matter how cold it is. #FridayFrolics
    Squirmy Popple recently posted…Why my daughter watches Paul Simon instead of Peppa PigMy Profile

    Reply
  10. kristin mccarthy
    January 6, 2017 at 3:04 am (2 weeks ago)

    leaving the house with four kids makes me break into a damn sweat. Every single morning…to drive thirty seconds to school and back home.

    This is my life.
    #fridayfrolics

    Reply
  11. Michelle
    January 26, 2016 at 10:26 pm (12 months ago)

    Yep all sounds very familiar! Was so much easier when little one could be strapped in the Bjorn, rather than wrestling two.

    Reply
    • Lifeloveanddirtydishes
      January 2, 2015 at 1:49 pm (2 years ago)

      I’m going to have to add another hour once the baby starts walking!

      Reply
  12. hannah mum's days
    January 2, 2015 at 10:02 am (2 years ago)

    Yep! But it does get easier, honest!!

    Thanks for linking up to #Thelist and supporting us through 2014!! Happy New Year xx

    Reply
  13. Carry On Katy
    January 2, 2015 at 9:36 am (2 years ago)

    I’m with you on this one. Perhaps this is how Beyoncé gets inspiration for her choreography. Stick a drumbeat to your moves and a melody and you’ll be a world class dancer/ singer like her!
    I’d choose hats and gloves over suncream any day myself. It’s all too much! x

    Reply
    • Lifeloveanddirtydishes
      January 2, 2015 at 1:47 pm (2 years ago)

      Ha ha I wish! I think my theme tune is more Benny Hill than Beyonce. I can dream though! 🙂

      Reply
    • Lifeloveanddirtydishes
      December 19, 2014 at 10:55 am (2 years ago)

      The pre-school walk, I remember it well! How many leaves can we stop and pick up today?! x

      Reply
  14. Emma Roberts
    December 16, 2014 at 1:52 am (2 years ago)

    This is like reading what happens in our house every morning.

    Reply
  15. Spidermummy
    December 15, 2014 at 8:12 pm (2 years ago)

    Hahaa ummm yes. I wrote about our little morning crazy time a while ago, but with three children. Crazy I tell you, crazy! x

    Reply
    • Lifeloveanddirtydishes
      December 17, 2014 at 11:51 am (2 years ago)

      Thing is I know once the baby is toddling it’s going to be a whole new ball game!

      Reply
  16. gluestickmum
    December 13, 2014 at 3:27 am (2 years ago)

    Babies and toddlers do seem to be immune to frostbite. I think it must have to do with them not having had time to trash their circulation. Thus life is too short for hats/gloves.
    But, yes, cold weather school runs are the pits.

    Reply

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