You know those perfect parents, the one’s that get everything right, and their children are little angels?  No?  Me neither.  Show me a parent who hasn’t made any mistakes and I’ll show you some pants on fire.  It makes no difference whether they are pretty french knickers, Bridget Jones Granny Pants, or David Beckham briefs.  There’s a blazing inferno right there.


Here are my tales from the front line.  The rookie mistakes I made in my first five years of parenting.  Of course, I only made them with my first son because when the second came along I knew exactly what I was doing.  Can you smell smoke?!


1 Never leave the house without a change bag

It doesn’t matter if it’s a quick trip.  You are leaving yourself wide open to:

  1. A projectile vomiting incident that could mean you end up driving home in your bra
  2. A nappy leak that could mean you end up driving home in your bra and the baby wrapped in nothing but a blanket.
  3. Getting stuck in a lift with no snacks for your toddler. (I think I would rather drive home in my bra)

None of these ever happened to me.  I would never be stupid enough to make the same mistake twice.  Cough.  Cough.


2 Never boast about your baby sleeping through

The moment you do you will be up all night with a baby that wants to do anything but sleep for three nights in a row.



3 Never follow through on your threats

Ok maybe you should, otherwise Super Nanny could be banging at your door.   But think about the threats you are dishing out.  Once you have taken their favourite toys and banned the television you’re on your own!


4 Never buy a years supply of their favourite snack

You may feel smug that their chosen snack is healthy.  You may feel smug that it was on offer and you got a bargain.  But the moment you get those snacks home your toddler will declare that they don’t like them anymore.


5 Never assume that your little one can’t take the lid of the Sudocrem

They can.  That stuff doesn’t come off.  The same can also be said for humous, Weetabix and cheap face paints.



6 Never ever go on holiday and forget ‘bear’

What kind of parent goes away and forgets their child’s night-time buddy?  The one they can’t sleep without.  No good will come of it.

  1. There will be tears (theirs and yours).  Every night.  For the whole holiday.
  2. There is an increased risk of your child needing therapy for the rest of their life.
  3. You will excluded from any Parent of the Year prizes for life.


7 Never forget to turn a toy off at night

When it starts singing at you through the monitor in the middle of the night, the fright will shorten your life expectancy and cause a slight irrational fear of said toy from that day on.  It’s watching you!  Seriously, didn’t you remember Chucky?


8 Never tell a four-year old they are going to a friend’s house until it’s time to go

Especially when it’s an afternoon play date.  Never has their been more cause for the phrase broken record.

“Is it time to go yet?”

“Is it time to go yet?”

“Is it time to go yet?”

“Is it time to go yet?”  “Is it time to go yet?”  “Is it time to go yet?”  “Is it time to go yet?”  “Is it time to go yet?”  “Is it time to go yet?”  “Is it time to go yet?”  “Is it time to go yet?”  “Is it time to go yet?”    “Is it time to go yet?”  “Is it time to go yet?”  “Is it time to go yet?”  “Is it time to go yet?” AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


9 Never leave your nipple exposed

One minute you are enjoying an early morning cuddle in bed with your baby.  The next they are clambering around on you like you are a human climbing frame, and using anything they see fit to pull themselves up.  Anything.


10 Never take your three-year old to the dentist with you

Especially when you are having a filling.  Can you do all three of these at the same time?  Whilst in the dentist’s chair…

  1. Show no fear of dentist and his evil needle and convey no sign of pain whatsoever.
  2. Tell your child to sit still and not drink the pink water whilst you have your mouth clamped open.
  3. Sooth your crying child (and when I say crying, I mean hysterical) when they don’t like the sound of the drill.


I could go on forever.  Did anyone get that manual on raising kids?  It might make my life a bit easier!


I’ll leave you with one final tip for free:  Never tickle a potty training child.


Check out my Rookie Mistakes Series featuring parenting fails from guest bloggers every Wednesday.  If you are a blogger and wish to take part you can find the details here.


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43 Comments on Rookie Parenting Mistakes

    • Claire
      June 17, 2015 at 12:48 pm (1 year ago)

      The list gets longer and longer!

  1. Alan herbert
    May 6, 2015 at 9:54 am (1 year ago)

    Brilliant. With the exception of the nipple I’ve done all those plus a lot more.
    Even with the new baby I’ve made the “Its only 5 minutes we dont need a changing bag” mistake.
    Alan herbert recently posted…A CelebrationMy Profile

    • Claire
      May 7, 2015 at 7:31 am (1 year ago)

      Always take the change bag!

  2. Alana Perrin
    February 17, 2015 at 9:03 pm (2 years ago)

    Yes! This is all so true. The toys that go off randomly are the worst … We have a little police car that every now and then plays a song it’s never played before!
    I haven’t managed to forget the changing bag yet, but have had to rush home for a clean vest!
    Alana Perrin recently posted…The mind that won’t switch offMy Profile

  3. Jenny
    February 16, 2015 at 9:11 pm (2 years ago)

    These are absolutely brilliant. I think I could have read them on and on and on. So funny and I have done many of things too! lol We are all in the same boat. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. I hope to see you again Wednesday for another great round. #sharewithme
    Jenny recently posted…The next step for my babyMy Profile

    • Claire
      February 17, 2015 at 8:26 am (2 years ago)

      I could have written so many more! Thanks for hosting x

    • Claire
      February 16, 2015 at 7:07 pm (2 years ago)

      Good eater / good manners / you name it! Never say they are good at anything 😉 !!!

    • Claire
      February 15, 2015 at 4:54 pm (2 years ago)

      Good luck!

    • Claire
      February 15, 2015 at 4:53 pm (2 years ago)

      That makes me feel better!

  4. Terrie
    February 13, 2015 at 7:14 pm (2 years ago)

    All very true. I made the Sudocream mistake with my first and ended up being just as covered as he was trying to clean the stuff up!
    Terrie recently posted…Gratitude List #1My Profile

    • Claire
      February 15, 2015 at 4:53 pm (2 years ago)

      ha ha brilliant!

  5. You Baby Me Mummy
    February 13, 2015 at 6:09 pm (2 years ago)

    Ha ha! Never tickle a potty training child! In what world did that seem like a good idea! 🙂 Thanks for linking up to #TheList x
    You Baby Me Mummy recently posted…The List #23My Profile

    • Claire
      February 15, 2015 at 4:53 pm (2 years ago)

      I can’t resist ticklish feet!

    • Claire
      February 13, 2015 at 11:29 am (2 years ago)

      oh I could warn you about so many more! 😉

    • Claire
      February 13, 2015 at 11:28 am (2 years ago)

      Yes. Never brag about your child doing anything well. It will only come back and bite you!

    • Claire
      February 13, 2015 at 11:27 am (2 years ago)

      The problem is I am still making mistakes second time around!!!

  6. Jennifer
    February 13, 2015 at 9:38 am (2 years ago)

    I needed this laugh. I even made my hubby read this! We’ve made all of these mistakes! Except it’s a blanket for us and not a bear! Great read. Thank you!
    ~Jennifer @
    Visiting from #brilliantblogposts 🙂

    • Claire
      February 13, 2015 at 11:26 am (2 years ago)

      Glad you liked it. I may have to write part 2 as I have so many more!!!

    • Claire
      February 13, 2015 at 11:25 am (2 years ago)

      I keep wipes in the car now just in case!!!

  7. Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork
    February 12, 2015 at 1:55 pm (2 years ago)

    This is so funny! Especially no. 9, oh god the agony!!! Another one I would add is: never, EVER let a potty training toddler play on your bed. Ever.
    Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork recently posted…Here’s to Kaleidoscope KidsMy Profile

    • Claire
      February 12, 2015 at 4:08 pm (2 years ago)

      Ha ha. Don’t let them play anywhere other than the bathroom maybe???!!! 🙂

  8. Mamamuselovelyshoes
    February 11, 2015 at 2:39 pm (2 years ago)

    I still never learn from the “don’t forget the changing bag mistake” snot, sick, the other, all wiped up with various other absorbent things.
    And the sleeping through thing, I have to tape my mother in laws mouth up its her favourite brag… argghhhh shut up!

    Great Post
    Mamamuselovelyshoes recently posted…Charity Shop BargainsMy Profile

    • admin
      February 11, 2015 at 3:46 pm (2 years ago)

      I think I could do a whole other post on what the mother in law says, if I could do it without getting into trouble 😉

  9. Bloggermummylauren
    February 11, 2015 at 2:01 pm (2 years ago)

    Haha brilliant!
    I can’t believe you managed to make the mistake of forgetting your changing bag on more than one occasion! Definitely a rookie mistake haha. There were many occasions where I left the house with the change bag but realised at the crucial nappy changing moment that I had not replenished the nappy stocks.
    It’s quite embarrassing having to ask someone else if you can borrow a nappy haha x
    Bloggermummylauren recently posted…Fitness update – February FailMy Profile

    • admin
      February 11, 2015 at 3:45 pm (2 years ago)

      I know *hangs her head in shame!

    • admin
      February 11, 2015 at 3:44 pm (2 years ago)

      Glad I am not alone!!!

  10. Jess
    February 11, 2015 at 1:52 am (2 years ago)

    thanks for the giggle! Number 8 is exactly my world of pain right now…. Urgh 🙂

    • admin
      February 11, 2015 at 8:00 am (2 years ago)

      I can’t wait until they can tell time!!! I’m sure it will backfire on me in someway though!

  11. Big Trouble in Little Nappies
    February 10, 2015 at 9:51 pm (2 years ago)

    Haha, fab post! YES to number 7. How many times have both my husband and I nearly had a heart attack at this. We have also kicked / tripped over / knocked toys that have ended up in our room or on the landing and run with them in frenzied fear of them waking the baby!
    PS – New site looks fab 🙂
    Big Trouble in Little Nappies recently posted…Hungry Eyes – A Nod To The Fussy Eating PhaseMy Profile

    • admin
      February 11, 2015 at 7:56 am (2 years ago)

      Thanks hun. Breathing a sigh of relief now! Those toys sound really creepy when they start singing in the middle of the night!

    • admin
      February 11, 2015 at 7:55 am (2 years ago)

      I have so many more. I must be a terrible mother!!!!


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