A while ago I wrote a post called the Mummy Badge.  I spoke about when my small people were tiny, and I had to go somewhere without them, it felt like I was missing a limb.  I wanted everyone to know I was a mum.  In hindsight the bags under my eyes and slightly deranged swaying from side to side, was a dead giveaway.  However it sparked a conversation about other badges parents need.

Most of the time strangers in the street like to stop and coo at your baby and tell you how beautiful the baby is.  That’s great.  All is well in the world.  Sometimes however strangers like to give you helpful comments and advice.  Being very British and polite, we smile and grit our teeth through the exchange.  But later we spend a disproportionate amount of time coming up with the perfect response to the comments that had giving an Oscar worthy fake laugh.

With the help from some of my lovely readers who told me the most annoying stranger comments, I present to you: Parenting Badges…


1 When it has been a bad night, and the next person who asks you how the baby is sleeping is going to be witness to something not very pretty…

2 hours sleep

2 For when strangers think they know your baby better than you…


3 For the spotty t-shirts, checked shorts and stripy socks days…


4 For the classic “You look like you’ve got your hands full”…

Normally said to parents of:

  • more than 2 small people
  • 2 or more small people of the male variety
  • kids who are royally kicking off

Hands full

5 For the follically challenged babies…

He she

6 For when you are just having one of those days


7 For the days you wish you could leave the house with a smaller bag

My Other bag

8 Because sometimes babies just cry, and you telling me why he is crying is really not helping, beside the fact I only just fed him…

Not Hungry

9 Back away from the baby….

poke the baby

10 Because it is toddler law that tantrums are to be thrown in busy places to optimise the disapproving stares.


11 For the days when you can’t remember when you last washed your hair…  NB Also the day that if you are ever going to meet Brad Pitt, this will be it.



What would your badge say?


This post was featured as Netmums Blog of The Day.


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84 Comments on Parenting Badges

  1. Emma
    August 1, 2016 at 9:42 am (6 months ago)

    Oh I love these! Mine would say “yes, I am tired, I’m a mother of a threenager!” #FridayFrolics
    Emma recently posted…Goodbye July. Hello August, 2016My Profile

  2. Lisa Pomerantz
    July 30, 2016 at 5:57 pm (6 months ago)

    Hilarious! Mine would say, “I only look this exhausted since the kids were born.”

  3. Kate Tunstall
    July 30, 2016 at 9:04 am (6 months ago)

    Brilliant! I’d have to go with the badge about pink clothing – that used to drive me insane! X

  4. Petite Pudding
    July 29, 2016 at 8:12 pm (6 months ago)

    Definitely need the ‘he chose his own clothes today’ some days my big boy actually turns heads in the street with his attire… You should sell these badges as a set for new mums! #fridayfrolics
    Petite Pudding recently posted…Are you Ok? Oh Yeah, I am Fine…My Profile

  5. Alison (MadHouseMum)
    July 29, 2016 at 7:55 pm (6 months ago)

    I do love your badges and every mum/dad needs a stash of them. I have to say though, that some of the well-meaning small talk from strangers is sometimes worth tolerating. Because underneath it is someone who just wants to reach out and somehow connect with you. The only reason that I know this, is from having dogs. Every time we are out with them we get the same comments: what breed are they? Boy and a girl? (because their leads are red and blue. No, actually, 2 boys) Are they from the same breeder? It gets so repetitive, but once you have endured the initial interrogation/small talk, they are often lovely, interested, engaging people. It’s just that their initial way of connecting is a little crass! This is a really great post and I think that there is a market for those badges 🙂 Alison x #FridayFrolics
    Alison (MadHouseMum) recently posted…Oh Crap…My Profile

  6. Helena Clarke
    July 29, 2016 at 2:21 pm (6 months ago)

    I definitely hear you on the need to declare to the world you actually have a baby at home – although I find I experience this less and the less the older ny children get! I could probably do with a badge saying ‘I would probably look this old and unfit if I didn’t have children, but at least I can pretend and blame them!’ #fridayfrolics

  7. Suzanne
    July 29, 2016 at 12:57 pm (6 months ago)

    Love this, especially number 8 – it used to drive me crazy when people would say that. Now I’m potty training I want one that reads – “I thought it was chocolate on my top but it was poo and now I want to rinse my mouth out with bleach”. #fridayfrolics
    Suzanne recently posted…Top Ten Toddler Time Saving TipsMy Profile

  8. Agent Spitback
    July 29, 2016 at 12:04 pm (6 months ago)

    This is brilliant! Imagine all the non conversations and the non rolling of the eyes we can do. #fridayfrolics

  9. Parent in pyjamas
    July 29, 2016 at 10:58 am (6 months ago)

    Lol! Brilliant idea!! Particularly like the one re: judging before had a baby… Actually completely did this and life now is basically karma for this shameful behaviour #sob #sorryMummies #mumlove #fridayfrolics

  10. Rhyming with Wine
    July 29, 2016 at 7:06 am (6 months ago)

    “Thanks for the advice. I don’t remember asking.” I am so going to be whipping this bad boy out, accompanied with a sickly sweet smile and possibly a little hand squeeze gesture. Yeah! *fist pump* Thanks for the giggles and for hosting! #FridayFrolics x
    Rhyming with Wine recently posted…Ode To Mr Clingy Pants…My Profile

  11. Right Royal Mother
    July 29, 2016 at 6:47 am (6 months ago)

    I love the ‘he chose his own clothes today’. NG is going through a phase of wearing EVERYTHING pink she has – and that’s a lot. She looks like a small, pastel Michelin man. I think I need a ‘my shoulders are on fire because the baby can’t be trusted for 5 seconds without hurling himself off things… please hold him for a minute for me’ but that’s a bit long. #fridayfrolics
    Right Royal Mother recently posted…Bringing America’s Sippy Cup Back HomeMy Profile

  12. Mummy Muckups (Anna)
    July 29, 2016 at 12:55 am (6 months ago)

    This is fantastic!! I completely need #10 (she is screaming something nonsensical at me right now!)…and you may as well just sign me up for all the others while you’re at it. Or what about…”Sure- I use dry shampoo; bite me!” #FridayFrolics
    Mummy Muckups (Anna) recently posted…MASTERCHEF : AIN’T ALL IT’S CRACKED UP TO BEMy Profile

  13. Nicole - Tales from Mamaville
    July 28, 2016 at 10:57 pm (6 months ago)

    I’ve read and commented before but had to re-read. And laughed all over again. All the badges still ring so true!

  14. Turning Up in Devon
    July 28, 2016 at 9:35 pm (6 months ago)

    Mine would have been ‘Yes I know he’s a bum shuffler – not a crawler and I think it’s cool!” the number of comments I got about my son who didn’t crawl…..
    Also no 8 for every (old retired by the sea in Devon) biddy who ever told me my babies were hungry!!!!! #fridayfrolics

  15. Alice Nipper and Tyke
    July 28, 2016 at 9:20 pm (6 months ago)

    Very funny! My personal one which probably doesn’t work for many other people is “It’s not a squint, it’s ideopathic congenital Nystagmus” for those times people feel the need to tell me I should get him patched for his lazy eye. He doesn’t have a lazy eye, actually. And yes, I have noticed it, he is my son. I may have glanced in his general direction once or twice.
    Grrrrr. People.
    x Alice

  16. the frenchie mummy
    July 28, 2016 at 9:13 pm (6 months ago)

    I can’t tell you how many times I had number 8…#FridayFrolics

  17. Whinge Whinge Wine
    July 28, 2016 at 8:46 pm (6 months ago)

    Brilliant, loved it! Mine would just say Yes, I know they have lovely hair. I literally can’t go out of the front door without an old granny telling me that. Actually, I love that. I’ll have a tantrums badge though. #fridayfrolics
    Whinge Whinge Wine recently posted…Safety first: Outwitting your suicidal baby or toddlerMy Profile

  18. Honest mum
    November 11, 2015 at 3:40 pm (1 year ago)

    Love these! Brilliant! Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts x

  19. jenny
    November 10, 2015 at 12:11 pm (1 year ago)

    These are absolutely brilliant. He is a she I needed for MM when she was a baby. Dresses, head bows, and pink and daily I got your boys are gorgeous. GRRR. lol Thank you for linking up to Share With Me and I hope to see you again tomorrow for another great round. #sharewithme
    jenny recently posted…Letters to him & her ~ #35My Profile

  20. aNoviceMum
    November 7, 2015 at 11:15 pm (1 year ago)

    LOL …. so many parent badges, one for every ocassion … so many of them. I’m too tired to think of what my current badge will be, but it involves, ‘sleep’. I really like the ‘hand full’ one. 🙂 #TheList
    aNoviceMum recently posted…One Impressive Pigeon with GritMy Profile

  21. Tracey Abrahams (The Anxious Dragon)
    November 7, 2015 at 12:25 pm (1 year ago)

    These are fabulous. I know a wonderful crafter who im sure would absolutely love to make these up as real badges. I bet they would see like hotcakes too. #Picknmic
    Tracey Abrahams (The Anxious Dragon) recently posted…That Friday FeelingMy Profile

  22. Morgan Prince
    November 7, 2015 at 10:25 am (1 year ago)

    These are fantastic! My boys are 6 and 11 now but I remember the “advice” I used to get. Love the badges. 🙂
    Morgan Prince recently posted…Ladies Boots Wish ListMy Profile

  23. Lucy
    November 7, 2015 at 9:47 am (1 year ago)

    This is brilliant. I need all of them. But especially the ‘Thanks for the Advice’ one. Especially for those who address their comments to the toddler…you know ‘You should tell your mum to take you in out of the rain, little man’….he can’t talk! Take your passive aggressive advice elsewhere!

    Ok so that may have happened recently. I’m over it. Really.
    Lucy recently posted…Reasons to Get Outdoors: The Alternative ListMy Profile

    • Life Love and Dirty Dishes
      November 7, 2015 at 10:03 am (1 year ago)

      Oh that winds me up. An old lady told my son he had a bad mummy as he had no socks on. It was a heatwave!

  24. A Cornish Mum
    November 6, 2015 at 9:50 pm (1 year ago)

    Ha I love these! I used to grit my teeth a lot when mine were smaller and crying and a random person would try to tell me what I should be doing grrr!
    Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix

    Stevie x
    A Cornish Mum recently posted…Christmas with Trendz – CompetitionMy Profile

  25. Jessica Powell
    November 6, 2015 at 7:36 pm (1 year ago)

    Love these – it always cracks me up when people see a baby (clearly not old enough to be choosing their own clothes) in a pink frilly dress and then still say ‘he’. 🙂 #fridayfrolics
    Jessica Powell recently posted…Milk is CoolMy Profile

  26. Mumisthewordblog
    November 6, 2015 at 3:57 pm (1 year ago)

    This is a brilliant post. I’d wear a combinations of badges through the day I think. They are spot on as well. What a heart warming, funny read! #picknmix
    Mumisthewordblog recently posted…A letter to myself ten months ago. My Profile

  27. Becky, Cuddle Fairy
    November 6, 2015 at 10:30 am (1 year ago)

    Oh this is hilarious! I wish I had this set of badges so I could have the appropriate one on display! People really do say the oddest things – like the “you’ve got your hands full.” Such an odd observation to make & really, what’s the point of saying it? #FridayFrolics x
    Becky, Cuddle Fairy recently posted…MiffyMy Profile

  28. Charlene
    November 5, 2015 at 8:54 pm (1 year ago)

    I would totally wear a ‘he chose his own clothes’ badge although it would be a lie to hide my own inadequacy. I’d also love one that says, ‘I usually have a kid with me’ because I do odd things like smile at people with buggies and pull play doh out my pocket.
    Charlene recently posted…The best way to step into the circle of shameMy Profile

  29. Lisa (mummascribbles)
    November 5, 2015 at 5:50 pm (1 year ago)

    I love love love this! Absolutely bloody brilliant. My badge would be – My child is waiting for mummy to pick him up…let me on the effing train!! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday
    Lisa (mummascribbles) recently posted…Growing seeds…not very well!My Profile

  30. sairish
    November 5, 2015 at 11:57 am (1 year ago)

    hahahaha! this so funny, yet so painfully true!
    sairish recently posted…Top 5 diets (NO shakes)My Profile

  31. Silly Mummy
    November 5, 2015 at 1:20 am (1 year ago)

    Haha – I don’t actually need a ‘she chose her own clothes today’ badge yet, when mine are wearing brown and orange stripes with pink flowers (& some purple tights for good measure), I need a ‘Daddy did this while I wasn’t there and won’t accept that I DO have good reasons to change her clothes’ badge. #sharewithme
    Silly Mummy recently posted…You Know The Rules: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last WeekMy Profile

  32. Sam
    November 4, 2015 at 5:41 pm (1 year ago)

    If I still had a baby I would probably be printing out the entire list to make into badges immediately! Great idea Claire, thanks for linking up to #thetruthabout X
    Sam recently posted…The Truth about… #50My Profile

  33. Kayla
    November 4, 2015 at 4:57 pm (1 year ago)

    I need so many of these! Awesome post. 🙂

  34. Nicole {Life's Tidbits}
    November 4, 2015 at 11:53 am (1 year ago)

    LOL Love this! I totally need these badge. Daughter had a tantrum on the sidewalk the other day and this couple just stood there, laughed and chatted about it. I was definitely in need of the “nothing to see here move along badge”. #ShareWithMe
    Nicole {Life’s Tidbits} recently posted…Bits of BangkokMy Profile

  35. Tracey Williams
    November 4, 2015 at 11:53 am (1 year ago)

    You need to commission these badges straight away. And then we can earn them and sew them on our arm like Brownies and Cubs. Though I would probably need a longer arm for all mine #Sharewithme
    Tracey Williams recently posted…10 Reasons why October was awesomeMy Profile

    • Life Love and Dirty Dishes
      November 4, 2015 at 12:44 pm (1 year ago)

      It seems I now need one when I am child free. Two people asked me today rather incredulously where my little one was. I am allowed out alone!

  36. John Adams
    November 4, 2015 at 10:55 am (1 year ago)

    I find this kind of post fascinating. I swear to you it’s a mum thing. As a stay at home dad, people have only ever so rarely made comment to me. When they do, they tend to be incredibly sexist and assume I’m incompetent simply because I’m male. C’est la vie ‘hey? #sharewithme
    John Adams recently posted…Male infertility; would you talk about it?My Profile

  37. Carry on katy
    November 4, 2015 at 7:47 am (1 year ago)

    This is ace!!!! You should open up a badge shop…I’d buy all of them! Hilarious!!x

  38. Melissa
    November 3, 2015 at 8:15 pm (1 year ago)

    Oh my goodness!! I am laughing to tears!! Can I please wear them all at once?!! For me, strangers comment often that none of my 4 kids look alike or look like me. “Where does he get the red hair from?” “Where does she get the blue eyes from?” etc. It’s so not the truth… but sometimes I wish I had a badge that said “I have no clue who any of their fathers are!” 😀 I mean..what response do they really want? A science lesson on dominant and receive genes and my family heritage?

    • Life Love and Dirty Dishes
      November 3, 2015 at 10:31 pm (1 year ago)

      You might need flyers to provide more info to all the people of whom it is none of their business! It starts when you’re pregnant, I wanted a badge that said drunk but planned!

  39. Brandyn
    November 3, 2015 at 7:39 pm (1 year ago)

    These are the best!! Cracked me up…I could use a few of these!!!


  40. Tom Briggs
    November 3, 2015 at 5:07 pm (1 year ago)

    Ha! Good stuff! My badge would probably just say something militant like ‘Dads are parents too!’ I remember getting really fed up of people asking me if it was my wife’s day off when my two were in pushchairs and am gearing up for these questions again with number three imminent!
    Tom Briggs recently posted…The waiting gameMy Profile

  41. Chloe
    November 3, 2015 at 9:48 am (1 year ago)

    Hahahaha i laughed so much at this. We need to be given all of these badges upon the births of our children for sure. I could have done with all of these at some point and still could. Amazing post. xx #twinklytuesdays
    Chloe recently posted…#MYSUNDAYPHOTOMy Profile

  42. Alex
    November 3, 2015 at 8:17 am (1 year ago)

    Great post! I’ll take all 11 please!

    My two daughters have very different colouring – the eldest is strawberry blonde with blue eyes and pale skin, the youngest is dark haired with blue eyes and olive skin (same Dad!). The youngest, probably because she’s the baby, is always getting told how beautiful she is and then because people seem to feel bad, they say ‘and you are too’ as an after thought to my eldest. It annoys the hell out of me! They are only 2.5 & 1 yr old but I wonder how this makes her feel. So my badge would say something like ‘compliments – welcome for good behaviour only’. They are both gorgeous to me and there is so much more to them than just their looks!

    • Alex
      November 3, 2015 at 8:17 am (1 year ago)

      Sorry found your post via #TwinklyTuesday!

    • Life Love and Dirty Dishes
      November 3, 2015 at 9:21 am (1 year ago)

      Yes, people tend to talk to my little one because he’s a baby and ignore the big one. The big one doesn’t stand for it though, he quite happily introduces himself without being asked and begins telling them our life story :/

  43. New Mummy Blog
    November 2, 2015 at 11:36 pm (1 year ago)

    Hahaha brilliant! So true and I wish these existed, or I had the attitude to say them sometimes 🙂 Thanks for sharing #maternitymondays
    New Mummy Blog recently posted…My New Linky: #TheBabyFormula My Profile

  44. farmerswifeandmummy
    November 2, 2015 at 8:21 pm (1 year ago)

    haha that is so funny. Mine would say ‘I know it is only 11am but I am buying this vodka as a promise to myself for when I’ve got through another day’
    Brilliant post as always
    farmerswifeandmummy recently posted…#MaternityMondays Week 44My Profile

  45. Backsnbumps.
    November 2, 2015 at 9:30 am (1 year ago)

    These are a great idea and I think should be given out in the Bounty pack when you leave hospital. I could definitely with these #maternitymondays
    Backsnbumps. recently posted…Half term round upMy Profile

  46. Kyles @ Pickles and Pords
    November 2, 2015 at 8:14 am (1 year ago)

    This is hilarious. I need a pile of these too. Although some of these helpful strangers probably wouldn’t be too big on subtlety… they might have to be those badges with the flashing lights and maybe a little alarm sound that responds to ridiculous comments and advice!
    Kyles @ Pickles and Pords recently posted…Love in the LetterboxMy Profile


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