Lets face it when you have small children, life revolves around them. Somebody always needs something. Whether it’s feeding, changing, finding missing toys from under their noses, or administering first aid. It’s pretty much a non-stop whirl wind from the ungodly hour they get up, until they’re tucked in snug at bed time. Then you and your partner can collapse on the sofa and congratulate yourselves on keeping the kids alive for another day. You must be doing okay at this parenting lark.
In your life before children you may have stayed up watching box sets and putting the world to rights until 2am. Now 10pm is a late night and you’re not really sure what’s going on in the outside world anymore. The topic of conversation is far more likely to be centered around the small people’s toilet habits. Of course you still love each other and are happy with the life you have made together, it’s just that romance isn’t very high on the agenda right now.
In the old days you used to surprise your other half with jewelry and score major brownie points in the process. You might have even whisked her away for a romantic weekend. Nowadays the money you would have spent on jewelry has been sidelined for Clarks shoes and Soft Play Centers. But there are still ways to earn brownie points with the WAG’s. And of course show her how much she means to you and blah blah blah.
And no, changing dirty nappies and doing a few night feeds doesn’t count. That’s just called being a Father!
So what would make your other half really happy? Check out these three high earning (tongue in cheek) brownie points ideas:
Most Mums out there are stealth shoppers. Normally we avoid shopping centers with the small people at all costs. It’s stressful and normally costs us a fortune in bribery. Small people are not good shopping companions. Therefore if we can’t get it online and have venture into the real retail world, we do it with military precision.
We visit no more than three shops because by then the snacks would have run out and the small people will be turning feral. We do not browse because that would mean taking our eyes off the small people, which results in either a basket full of crap you didn’t want or a very anxious game of hide and seek. Occasionally we will see a top we like and grab it from the rails. We don’t try it on because we have learnt from experience that changing rooms and pushchairs don’t mix, and small people like to pull back the curtains and expose you in your Bridget Jones pants. The top we buy is either too big because we were being hard on ourselves, or too small because we were kidding ourselves. But by the time we get round to taking it back it won’t be in fashion anymore anyway.
What better way to earn massive brownie points by telling the woman in your life you are going to take care of the kids so she can go shopping for the day. Alone. Expect a barrage of texts throughout the day whilst she checks you have remembered to feed the small people. And be warned that the sheer freedom of being able to browse can cause numerous impulse purchases and a severe dent in the bank balance. You will however, have a very happy and relaxed partner. They call it Retail Therapy for a reason.
- Brownie Points – 150
- Cost – Could be excessive
- Bonus Factor – You get to watch sport on TV all day and only have to bribe small people to do so (they are much easier to bribe than the other half)
- Extra Credit – Avoid the house looking like a toy bomb has exploded upon other half’s return
Most mums have the art of showering down to 60 seconds. Including interruptions from small people. But all of us yearn for a long shower minus those interruptions. To be able to wash our hair and shave both our legs rather than having to decide which needs doing most. Gone our the days when we used to enjoy a long soak in the bath. Even if we had the opportunity to, sharing the bath with squirty toys and submarines doesn’t have the same appeal as candles and a glass of wine.
Earn some brownie points by buying the woman in your life a nice shower gel and taking the kids to the park, so she can have a long shower without anyone opening the door to tell her that Bob the Builder has finished. You get a relaxed partner with fuzz free legs for possibly the first time since childbirth.
- Brownie Points – 25
- Cost – A bargain at £5 – Shower gel and Ice Creams for the kids
- Bonus Factor – You can take the kids to the park with the zip wire that the other half hates and pretend to be 10 again, oh and did I mention the fuzz free legs?
- Extra Credit – Getting the kids back from the park in one piece
Imagine a restaurant where your date doesn’t require crayons and a constant supply of fruit shoots. You can actually browse the menu and not worry if the food takes ages to arrive. It is actually acceptable to not clean up the mess you have created because there won’t be a mess. And you can finish your meal without getting indigestion because the small people are about 5 minutes away from meltdown territory.
Sure you will probably spend the whole night talking about the kids, but at least the kids won’t be there turning their noses up at the food and demanding more fruit shoots.
- Brownie Points – 500
- Cost – Get a Groupon and get romance at half the cost!
- Bonus Factor – You don’t have to wash up
- Extra Credit – Booking the good babysitter, you know the one that doesn’t eat the emergency chocolate stash and ‘accidentally’ delete Broadchurch from TiVo
Of course the alternative to not doing these things…
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